Category Archives: For the Book

ShareAndrew’s 22nd birthday on Mother’s Day set off another dance card round with grief. Nothing extraordinary happened for his birthday like last year with the spirit portrait. Then add other things not falling into place and feeling like I’ve been spinning my wheels getting nowhere, grief took the opportunity to fill my dance card and fill it good! I thought grief was going to win this time. Me and grief spent a few weeks doing the dance. Grief took me to a dark, lonely place that I thought was going to swallow me up. When you lose a child, grief … Continue reading →

ShareI have always known that Kaliana could see Andrew since she was a tiny baby. When I pointed to Andrew’s picture the other day, and asked her who that was, Kaliana said, “Andrew!” While I do talk about him to her, it’s not all the time. With toddlers having the attention span of a gnat, I didn’t expect her to say Andrew. That is how I know he spends time with her, she does recognize him in pictures. Now, the other day something really interesting happened. Kaliana was over and we keep all the doors to the bedrooms shut to … Continue reading →

ShareWell, I had an interesting thing happen last night while I was sleeping. I only remember it happening one other time, and that was before Andrew was diagnosed with leukemia. I am very please that I have been sleeping on my own without any melatonin for awhile now. I still don’t get 8 hrs straight of solid sleep, but it’s better than what I have been getting the past 5 years since Andrew left. I’ll take any win I can on this grief trail! So last night while sleeping, I am woken up by someone in my ear saying, “Mommy! … Continue reading →

ShareMan!!! I’m having a real hard time typing the word patience! I spit that word whenever I have to say it. But it looks like that is the word on the street with this new information from Andrew, p a t i e n c e. Needless to say being a red headed, Leo, Wise One who lost her son, patience is not one of my stronger suits. While it’s not my strong suit, being patient regarding this matter is a little easier because this isn’t about me. This one is ALL about Andrew/PureHeart. This is his gig. All I … Continue reading →

ShareSeriously!!! That boy of mine is up to something! He’s got some plans a brewing, and I’m guessing they are pretty big, actually I know they are. I tell ya, I feel like Martin Bohm, Jake’s dad on the amazing tv show “Touch.” Andrew is giving me all these clues through numbers and signs and I have to figure it all out! So today I make my Martin and I lunch. I come into the living room and notice that the time is 2:02pm, Andrew’s time of birth. He’s been sending that number a lot lately. It just doesn’t mean … Continue reading →

ShareI am constantly fascinated how Andrew communicates with me. He makes it a game to help me focus and pay attention. Even with Martin being Psychic Boy, Super Natural Hero, he doesn’t get all the answers either. That’s not what life is about. Andrew can help guide us, but he can’t live our lives for us or tell us everything. Yes, that can suck and you’d think we’d have an in or something with the other side, having raised an Avatar and all, but that is a big, fat, NOPE! It just doesn’t work that way, not even for us. … Continue reading →

ShareIt’s not just a worn out, old cliche. There is scientific proof of the benefits laughter has on the body, the mind and the soul. I know humor has been a very important role in our lives with dealing with Andrew’s diagnosis, 4 months hospital stay, and passing. People who haven’t seen us in years can not believe how young we look after everything we have been through these past 6 years. It certainly has been quite a lot of trauma. I tell people that taking care of ourselves, keeping a positive attitude more times than not, AND the painting … Continue reading →

ShareI asked Andrew for a sign tonight, and he delivered almost immediately. Since we have had our unintended, extended stay in N. Ireland, I have been struggling with what am I suppose to be really doing with my life. I mean, everything has come to a complete stop for me, and that makes things harder for me to deal with. When dealing with grief, especially with losing a child, you need to be doing something to make your heart sing. You should be doing that anyway, but you really need it when dealing with grief. My new life purpose when … Continue reading →

ShareRight when I think Andrew can’t surprise me anymore, he does! He blows me away! Since we have been “stuck” (I haven’t found a better word yet to describe what we are here) in N Ireland, we make the most out of video skyping with the daughter Elatia, and the granddaughter Kaliana, as well as friends. I don’t want Kaliana to forget us. She was 20 months old when we left the States. She was use to seeing us almost everyday. So video skyping is an over zealous, grandmother’s best friend! But this particular, sensational skype session wasn’t with the … Continue reading →

ShareGrief comes in all forms, and yes, sometimes it can come in good ways too. What I mean by good is that it’s not always that gut wrenching, heart breaking, want out of your skin kind of grief. When it’s not that, it actually feels good for a change. Martin was playing the video game W.O.W, (World Of Warcraft,) a game he shared with Andrew and his friends. Martin is still in contact with Andrew’s friends through W.O.W and Diablo, which is really nice that we can keep up with them, as they have gone on with their lives, and … Continue reading →