I Need A Sign

I asked Andrew for a sign tonight, and he delivered almost immediately. Since we have had our unintended, extended stay in N. Ireland, I have been struggling with what am I suppose to be really doing with my life. I mean, everything has come to a complete stop for me, and that makes things harder for me to deal with. When dealing with grief, especially with losing a child, you need to be doing something to make your heart sing. You should be doing that anyway, but you really need it when dealing with grief.

My new life purpose when Andrew passed was keeping his Light shining bright and not letting him fade away, so I thought. I have mentioned before how my mama gene’s anger fueled that desire, knowing my son did NOT come here to just fade away. His life mattered, and I want it to continue to matter in a huge way. It helps you heal in a tremendous way by doing this, making sure your child’s life continues to matter.

Well, with not being able to do that, or anything for that matter, grief has taken a bigger hold lately, and I have been feeling that Andrew was just going to fade away. Maybe it was just a fantasy of how I wouldn’t rest till the world knows who my son is. Yes, I know he’ll always be in my heart, but that is just NOT good enough for me! I told Andrew when he passed that I would stay if I could keep talking about him. And I haven’t been able to do it in a way that makes my heart sing, which is when we do our events. I feel so alive when we do our events, and we haven’t done any since Martin took ill in November. Our events are my crack! It’s what helps me focus on who Andrew is now, and our relationship with him now.

I didn’t need a sign from Andrew to let me know he is there, he has given me more than enough signs for that. I needed a sign that the direction I want to go in is the right one. That I should keep pushing forward in booking our events, and possibly adding a new one. It has been exhausting trying to do this the past 5 1/2 years since he left, and not even getting the ball rolling yet, and I just didn’t know if I should even bother anymore. Because of this, I have been feeling a little lost, not knowing what I should do anymore. I felt like I should just walk away from all that I had been doing and working on back in the States. So I asked Andrew for a sign. I asked him to give me a sign of what I should be doing. I need to be doing something if I am going to stay here! I need guidance! AND I need it NOW! I’m tired of spinning my wheels. I have been so disheartened lately by not getting anything going yet.

I was channel surfing and ironically landed on the BIO channel, you know, the one channel that blew us off almost 2 years ago for “My Ghost Story” because our story wasn’t scary enough, and I have been boycotting them ever since. Grrrrrrrr! (cancel, clear, delete! deep cleansing breath, back to center. =D ) Anyway the show I was nudged to watch on BIO tonight was “Beyond Messages from 911.”

I’m sitting there watching these non scary stories of beautiful messages from loved ones who passed on 911 when one really catches my attention. It’s a fireman who miraculously survived the Twin Towers collapse when he shouldn’t have. He is exhausted, walking home across the Brooklyn Bridge after saving many lives, including his own, when he sees a construction worker who starts talking to him. The first thing that caught my attention is that on the sleeve of the fireman’s outfit is the number 22! So I know I am suppose to pay attention. Then the message that the construction worker gave the fireman brought tears to my eyes. I knew it was Andrew talking to me, giving me my sign I had just asked for.

The construction worker told the fireman that he survived for a reason and that, “It is up to you to tell their stories now. Their stories need to be told. You can’t walk away from it.” Of course I didn’t hear “their,” instead I heard, “my.” My story needs to be told. I also felt that familiar energy that is my son surrounding me to let me know it was from him.

The two men finish their conversation and the fireman walks on and sees two cops who ask him how he is doing. He said he was fine and he asked them if they had any water for him and his friend that he thought wasn’t far away. They asked what friend? They informed the fireman that they didn’t see anyone with him on the bridge, that they actually thought he was going to jump! The fireman was stunned to say the least.

So I got my sign from my Spirit son from a Spirit on tv. Cool how that works huh?! I think only 15mins, if that, went by before Andrew gave me my sign, that I am indeed suppose to keep telling his story and not just walk away from it. I did tell Andrew, “fine, I’ll keep telling your story. BUT! Make it easier for me dammit! Your PrettyMama is tired!”

Let’s see what he does for me now. I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled for more signs and guidance for my next move.

IT’S ALL GOOD!