I let it slide that Izzy could see Denny (her finance that passed) on Grey’s Anatomy tonight. And the kidnapped baby on Life on Mars was named Andrew. But now Lavern on Scrubs passes and Carla can see her too???? ALL this in the same night? Ok and now Niles on Frasier just mentioned his bone marrow! What the hell?? Is Andrew trying to make me cry? Like I don’t have enough reason to cry dealing with the holidays coming up, AND with no shock to help me get by this year! What’s he playing at? I wanna see him like Izzy saw Denny and Carla saw Lavern dammit! Is that asking too much for an Avatar?? I don’t think so! He hasn’t even been turning the fairy light on!

I am back to having no distractions yet again AND the holidays are coming. So I’m missing shopping & planning the holidays with Andrew. He loved the holidays so much! This was the time of year his terhets would flair up when he was younger. He eventually out grew that. It’s so weird not to have kids at home for Christmas anymore, just like that, no more kids for Christmas. I just don’t know what to do with myself! I miss shopping for Andrew. I miss him kissing the top of my head while he hugged me in the kitchen. I miss him tucking us in at night. That’s right, Andrew tucked Martin and I into bed every night. I miss him barreling out of his room in the morning asking “How’s it going?!” I miss him asking “Who’s the Prettiest Mama?!” or “‘so how’s your day going?” I miss him so very much! He was buddy, my friend, my playmate, my Mucker. It gets lonely here without him.

Ok, I got that one out, now onto the next order of business. We are getting ready to put up a pre-order page soon for the music cd. We are shooting to have the cd ready by early to mid January, and with that a FREE show at the Irish Rover to premier our new show, “A Musical Evening With PureHeart!” We still have to talk to the Irish Rover about it but I don’t see why they wouldn’t let us launch our show there. They have been so supportive of us!

I can’t wait to get this show on the road. I need something to keep me busy. Being away helped me so much to deal with Andrew’s 1st anniversary of his journey home. But now I’m home and right back into the grief boat again. *sigh* I guess I’m still in re-entry after being gone for a month and in 3 different time zones. It was great to be surrounded by a lot of friends and being kept busy. I got to meet up with my comic friends in So-Cal for sushi. That was great! My hairdresser and friend Tamara, came over a few times. In So-Cal I wouldn’t be at a loss for something to do…. Like running from fires, ducking Earth quakes, mud slides or any other natural disasters. :-D But here in FLA it’s one big pity party! :-) *que violins*


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5 Responses to WHAT THE HELL?

  1. Leah Clark says:

    Connie – sounds like you’re going to have plenty to keep you busy with the new CD and the new show. I think your re-entry theory is a sound one. Can you kidnap Wesley? Not the same, of course – but having him around seems to have helped you before.

  2. Jane says:

    (((Connie))) sorry you are feeling not so good again.

    I had to smile though when you wrote ‘I miss him barreling out of his room in the morning asking “How’s it going?!”’ I could just hear/see him doing that.

    Geez, he is terrific isn’t he?

    Love to everyone xxxx

  3. Karen T. says:

    WTH? …it’s still only been a year and it IS your first holiday without the shock, so cut yourself enough slack to feel how you need to feel to continue moving through. You have done such an awesome job, Connie! And this new direction will get you busy soon enough. I know everyone who comes here wishes a lighter heart for you. Hugs!!!

  4. Pretty Mama says:

    Leah, I told Wes’s grandmother the other night that I wanted to adopt him. His parents have 3 other boys, they don’t need Wesley! I think that is fair! Wesley needs to be here soon, he started sliding into old habits that Andrew helped him get out of and we helped him stay out of. Let’s ALL call Wes telepathically to tell him to call his grandmother! His grandmother can’t call him because of his step mother, long story.

    Jane, Andrew was forever barreling out of room with joy and laughter to either ask how our day was going or to tell us how much he loved us. He would come barreling down the stairs at his girlfriend’s house too in So-Cal doing the same thing. It’s a very hard thing to give up! Not a whole lot of teenagers love their parents like Andrew did/does us! I know my daughter didn’t at that age! lol He really is terrific! Even if he did leave!

    Karen, I knew this holiday would be tougher and there is a part of me that doesn’t want to put up a tree or celebrate anything, go Jehovah’s Witness all over this holiday season! But I know that is not what Andrew wants. (not that he should get a say since he left!) It would have been nice if my sis in law and her hubby could’ve come over from Ireland or better yet, us going over there. Martin has a HUGE family, so much to do and I only have Elatia here and she is married and has inlaws. *que violins again* For 25 yrs my Christmas has revolved around kids and now it doesn’t. It’s a very empty feeling. It sucks!

    I can’t wait until we can get this new show up and running. Being gone this past month proved that I do better when I am busy doing what I love. Sitting around the house I do not. I am grateful that we at least have this new direction to take. Before that I was really dreading going home thinking I had nothing else to do with my life anymore except sit here holding my wiener dog waiting to die. :-o (too drama queenie?) SO things are looking up in that respect! :-)

    I met a mother in Kona who lost her daughter 4 yrs ago to Cerebral Palsy at 21. A year after her daughter crossed, she had a complete & total melt down to where her husband had to feed her. I told Martin last year at this time, that I was afraid that would happen to me after the shock wore off. He assured me I wouldn’t. I know the only reason I haven’t is because of all the energy work he and Andrew do on me. If it weren’t for who Martin, Andrew and I were/are as a family and as a couple, I wouldn’t be here now. When I think of all the nonsense I’ve had to deal with from people this past year on top of losing my amazing son, I am in awe of myself. I think I have to give a shout out to my Higher Self as well! I must be a REAL powerhouse on the Other Side!

    My cuz Chrissy is coming over from Ireland in March for 2 weeks, so I have that to look forward to! Yipppeeeeeee!!

    Thank you to all of you who post here! It does help!

    Now we have to get the forum up and running again with Andrew. We no sooner start getting the momentum going and then BAM we leave!

  5. Dana says:

    *quote*Now we have to get the forum up and running again with Andrew. * quote*

    Amen to that sistah! I’ve posted a new meditation group that Kyle Curry is beginning – ‘One Command’. I was in on the first call last Wednesday night and it was pretty amazing!

    We need Martin and Andrew back to teach us and answer our questions!

    Huge huggles Connie!

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