Oh, I’m still looking for my sign, make no mistake about that one! But on our way home from a late night Walmart run, Daniel and I were talking about Andrew’s journey. Amazing how a 13yo understands more about our situation than any adult I know. I think he does because he is not afraid to hear exactly how it was and what we went through when Andrew was in hospital and when Andrew crossed. He’s not afraid to imagine what it must have been like. Most people can’t/won’t go there.
Daniel knows how hard everything has been. It’s been hard on everyone in general with the economy, but like I said, add major grief, people dumping on me, and menopause on top of it and it’s a huge recipe for disaster! As Daniel and IÂ were talking about life issues and philosophies, like I use to do with Andrew, some things started to become very clear to me.
I know I have anger about all this, in the fact that after everything we’ve been through, that we are struggling so much. What was interesting was that as I was talking, I realized I wasn’t angry for the reasons I thought I was.
When I talk about Andrew in hospital and his actual crossing, I talk about how sacred and intimate it was. I talk about how you can’t help but be humbled and honored to be an intricate apart of a soul’s journey here, especially an Avatar’s, helping them be who they came here to be, and being there as they have to leave. You don’t ever want it to be your own child, but regardless, you can’t help but see how incredibly sacred and a high vibration it is, it is so beyond anything on this dimension.
So what’s my anger all about? My anger isn’t about Andrew leaving as much as it is about not being able to fully take it in properly with no distractions, and appreciate the majestic journey that this really is. I am being hit with all this 3rd dimensional crap all at once that it is taking away from the real beauty of our journey with Andrew. It is a constant battle with me between the 3rd dimension and the higher vibration that this is. I’m angry that I can’t sit back and take in all of what this majestic journey was really all about and actually enjoy it and see it for what it really is, being a part of an Avatar’s purpose on this plane. It’s like going to your favorite movie or play and not being able to enjoy it because of all the distractions from people talking, or a baby crying. You get pissed off! You just want to sit back and enjoy.
When I told Martin of my wee light bulb moment, he said he knew what my anger was really about. That was good to hear. Daniel got it was well. He was able to give me analogies about all this. That is why I say he is most like Andrew out of all his friends, he thinks things through and ponders life like Andrew did.
While raising Andrew, Martin and I realized that we were not always going to be his teacher, but he ours. And he most certainly was and still is! I told Daniel that Andrew’s last few years here he was our teacher. That our relationship with him went way beyond a parent/child relationship, it was so much bigger than that! We got a glimpse into what our relationship is like on the Other Side, our REAL relationship that isn’t defined by roles or titles. How many parents can say that?! Not any I know!
Parents tend to get hung up on the parent/child role. The kids that have been coming in for awhile now (the Indigos, Crystals, etc) are more our teachers than we are theirs! It’s not about molding our kids into who we want them to be, but to allow them to become who they came here to be. I love what the singer Jewel’s mother said on Oprah awhile back, “When my kids were born I asked them, who are you? And how can I help you be who you came here to be.” She said that we don’t own our kids, they are not “ours,” we are just their vehicle to get here and guide and help them be who they came here to be. I thought that was brilliant and so true! Gone are the days of “children being seen and not heard!” Children have a voice and most are no longer afraid to use it! I find most children are a lot smarter than most adults because adults tend to be stuck in the old paradigm that no longer works for the younger generations. A lot of children know who they are from the start. How many adults can even say they know they are now!?
Ok, I went off into a whole other direction. I’ll get off my soap box now.
ITS ALL GOOD!