Martin and I were talking the other morning about our time in the hospital. We look back on our good times, profound times and tender moments. We don’t talk about the stress of it hardly, if at all. Those memories are very faint. There are too many beautiful moments to remember to focus on the stress.
Martin was telling me about one conversation he had with Pastor Dave, telling him how afraid he was of losing Andrew. Martin would go to Pastor Dave to talk when things got real intense. They shared their philosophies with one another. I of course was stand offish with him because he was a Pastor. Which wasn’t necessary because he was very open to who we are. In hospitals they can’t be stuck in any particular religious dogma with dealing with so many types of people. DUH Connie! My loss.
Anyhoo, Dave mentioned to Martin about sharing his fear with both Andrew and I. Say what?? :-0 After Martin thought about it, he decided to do it. Me first. We were in our clown house room. One of the few times we were in there together. Andrew must have been intubated then because that’s the only way we’d be able to sleep together. Gina C was his nurse and we trusted her with our son.
When he told me this, about his fear, we both held each other and cried as he was wearing Andrew’s Inuyasha Anime t-shirt. He already knew how afraid I was.
When he eventually shared his fear in general with Andrew, Andrew of course, in his infinite wisdom, had the perfect reaction and answer. He told Martin, “It’s ok Daddy, we’re all afraid. I know we’ve done this before, we’ve had a lot of past lives together & we will continue to do so. It’s all good.” How amazing is he??
It was a tender father son moment where Martin allowed himself to be vulnerable with his son. We were 3 souls on a sacred journey. There really are no words to adequately describe what we shared and what we went through. I keep trying tho.
IT’S ALL GOOD!