Martin and I were talking the other morning about our time in the hospital. We look back on our good times, profound times and tender moments. We don’t talk about the stress of it hardly, if at all. Those memories are very faint. There are too many beautiful moments to remember to focus on the stress.

Martin was telling me about one conversation he had with Pastor Dave, telling him how afraid he was of losing Andrew. Martin would go to Pastor Dave to talk when things got real intense. They shared their philosophies with one another. I of course was stand offish with him because he was a Pastor. Which wasn’t necessary because he was very open to who we are. In hospitals they can’t be stuck in any particular religious dogma with dealing with so many types of people. DUH Connie! My loss.

Anyhoo, Dave mentioned to Martin about sharing his fear with both Andrew and I. Say what?? :-0 After Martin thought about it, he decided to do it. Me first. We were in our clown house room. One of the few times we were in there together. Andrew must have been intubated then because that’s the only way we’d be able to sleep together. Gina C was his nurse and we trusted her with our son.

When he told me this, about his fear, we both held each other and cried as he was wearing Andrew’s Inuyasha Anime t-shirt. He already knew how afraid I was.

When he eventually shared his fear in general with Andrew, Andrew of course, in his infinite wisdom, had the perfect reaction and answer. He told Martin, “It’s ok Daddy, we’re all afraid. I know we’ve done this before, we’ve had a lot of past lives together & we will continue to do so. It’s all good.” How amazing is he??

It was a tender father son moment where Martin allowed himself to be vulnerable with his son. We were 3 souls on a sacred journey. There really are no words to adequately describe what we shared and what we went through. I keep trying tho.


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7 Responses to TENDER MOMENTS

  1. Karen T. says:

    I am feeling so warm and so weepy at the same time after reading this. If just reading about this time on your journey can do this to me…I can’t even fathom what you two must have gone through!! You are such a special little family. Even now with the new dynamics of where Andrew is, it is so special. Thank you for sharing with us all.


  2. Dana says:

    WOW! Andrew’s answer was AMAZING! Awesome story Connie! So insightful!

  3. Leila says:

    ((((Connie & Martin))))

    Reading this covered me in chills. It was such a touching tender intimate moment. Thank you for allowing us to witness it with you.

    Love & hugs,


  4. Leo says:

    ((((!!!)))) I’ve got tears in my eyes and warm love in my heart.
    God bless all of you.
    Connie, you are a beautiful writer.

  5. Dulcy says:

    (((((Connie & Martin))))),

    Truth and Love shown brightly through the sadness…and continue to do so…


  6. admin says:

    I want to thank all of you here for going and staying on this journey with us. It means a lot. If I can inspire or touch your hearts writing about our life with Andrew, well then it helps me to keep going & help make some sort of sense out of all this.

    Thank you Leo! I guess all those letters to Martin for 12 yrs has finally paid off! :-D Just one letter I had written to him was 57 pages!! That was in the early 80’s so you know that was all done with pen to paper! Too bad his mother threw out the trunk full of my letters of 12 yrs!!! Arrrrggg! From the time I was 14 to 26! My life was in those letters. But now that Andrew isn’t here, I guess it just doesn’t matter anymore. Elatia will get the ones I received from Martin. Yea, I didn’t need a trunk for those! lol

    Thank you all for blessing me with your kind words, compassion and understanding as I go through this difficult process of letting go of my son’s physical presence.

    Much Love! & (((((HUGS))))))

  7. Swati says:

    As I was reading your story…I kept wondering what Andrew would say…and sure enough, he had the most amazing answer!! :-)

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