As hard as all of this has been, even with me feeling like I was losing my mind at times, still holding on by a thread, I am still doing better than the average bear dealing with grief…besides Martin.
Martin and I have suffered the ultimate loss a parent can suffer. Our son left in Oct, right before our favorite holidays that we would celebrate together. Yet we:
1.were out, dressed up for Halloween, trick or treating with one of Andrew’s best friend’s little bro. NINE days after our son left us!! NINE DAYS! Andrew and I had plans for Halloween when he was going to be home for 2 weeks from hospital.
2. I made Thanksgiving dinner even tho my family blew me off. We still put our Christmas tree up Thanksgiving Eve like Andrew always did.
3. We still celebrated Christmas like we always did with Andrew, getting up at 6a.m. and opening presents he got for us.
4. We celebrated New Years out, even tho I dreaded ringing in a new year without my son in it.
5. Less than 6 months after our son left, we were back up on stage doing our comedy show!
6. I have continued to write and be very open and honest on this blog about our journey.
7. We celebrated his 17th birthday with a party with his & our friends and ceremony to honor our beloved son.
8. When I started to put on weight, I addressed it right away and started Weight Watchers instead of eating my way through the grief. Food would be my drug of choice but instead I did the right thing and sought out help instead of wallowing in grief through food.
9. We started our radio show again a few months after Andrew left.
10. I wrote the book proposal having to relive Andrew’s diagnosis and crossing over day 9 months after he left!
11. We will be holding a celebration/ceremony on Oct 22, to honor the 1st anniversary of our 17 year-old son’s journey home. We will have a ceremony on Laguna Beach then a party with cake and food after.
We have dealt with all this grief and all the other un-necessary nonsense that has been thrown our way, without any counseling, without any drugs, or drinking ourselves stupid. Not only that, Martin and I have only grown closer and have continued to put ourselves out there. I don’t know of anybody who could do all the things we have done since our son has ascended! I am owning it, I am accepting it, I am patting myself on the back for a job well done!
Would I have preferred to lay in my bed and feel sorry for myself? Hell yes, but I get sore if I lay in bed too long so I have to get up and that pissed me off that I couldn’t even do that.
What I have come to realize is that I am more connected to my Higher Self than I ever realized. I know it is my Higher Self that keeps me on the right track. I could not do this on my own, my mom gene is a mess! It is my Higher Self that keeps it all together. I am so grateful to her! I am grateful for my Higher Self’s strength, wisdom and love! I must really rock on the Other Side! :-D
I decided to honor myself and what I have done so far. I have had a lot of crap thrown my way ALL of my life and I have always come out on top & usually without help from this dimension. This event nearly took me down. But my Higher Self took over yet again!
I want to thank you all for the support you have given here!!
IT’S ALL GOOD!
[quote]I am owning it, I am accepting it, I am patting myself on the back for a job well done![/quote]
About time you did!! :-D If I were there, I’d pat you too…THUMP THUMP THUMP!!!! And no screaming allowed. For a job as well done as this, the patting has to be worthy of it! :-D
And I don’t know if you have emailed me back…if you have, my email account has eaten it up, as it is eating most of my emails since the last 2 days. LOL!
Before I go hit the sack, I must tell you, its been an honor to be part of your journey, and to see how you are handling life. More patting is in order!
Thank you Swati! Although a thump seems a little extreme. LOL I did e-mail you back. I tried e-mailing to the addy you gave me but I must have done it wrong. Is there an underscore after the S? I tried with just a space and some weird window popped up. I tried it w/o the space ad it bounced back.
I know everyone here has said that I am too hard on myself, but when Jane said it again yesterday, it finally sunk in and I took a look as to why I was. That’s when all that stuff came up. SO that is when I decided to do a “YAY ME!” post. Also it will be part of the 3rd book as how to move through grief in a healthy, productive way.
While I sit in this house feeling depressed, missing Andrew so much, I also think of ways I can celebrate Andrew’s life. I think of ways to turn occasions that are hard after a love one leaves, into happier ones. I look for ways not to wallow in grief. Believe me, it’s hard! I sit in this house day in and day out, walking past my son’s empty room desperately wanting to see his smiling face looking at me from his computer desk, wondering what the hell to do with myself. I have the grief right in my face all day long. Most people have a job to throw themselves into, I don’t even have that. That is why I want to perform more. I’ve done my time sitting around missing Andrew facing grief head on, I need to be more productive now. I can miss him while I am performing and doing what I love. I know performing will bring me closer to Andrew.
Celebrating and joining in with more pats on your back!!!! I am amazed by your courage and strength!
May today and every day be filled with an abundance of joy and blessings for you and Martin!
Love & hugs
I wrote you an email asking you about the rings…did you get that? If you replied to that one, then I didn’t get it. Yes, my yahoo email address has an underscore after the s. No space. S, then underscore and then my lastname. :-)
Your events are opening up now :-). You already have 2-3 events scheduled, right? More will come through! And yes, I agree it will be easier on you when you get busy doing something you love…and yes, you will still miss Andrew doing what you love, but it will be better than sitting at home. I totally agree with you.
Still holding space for wild successes for you and Martin! Crowds cheering and screaming…you and Martin being taken to your car, surrounded by bodyguards….people yelling for autographs! Hehehehe!! And it can happen! John Edward is a GREAT medium…and he’s wildly successful. Martin is no less than him in mediumship…and the show has you too! I mean…think of it…your show has double of what John Edward has. Group mediumship and comedy show. :-) There has to be a way to get you guys famous! And you totally are worthy of all fame and success.
Oh, and I want to add…your website link from the Sedona site is not working. Whats up with that?
The Sedona link just worked for me. Not sure what the dealio is with that. The website is http://www.sedonacreativelife.com then click on events calendar and go down to Oct 18th, you’ll see me!
I am looking forward to being busy spreading love and laughter all over the world! That’s my goal anyways. I want the rest of my life to be kick ass fun! I know I have earned that much!
Oh, ((((HUGS)))) to Dana!
The Sedona link works. Your personal link there…awitchtywoman link, thats the one thats not working.
I tried again and the e-mail bounced back from your yahoo addy WTF???
I SENT YOU THE MESSAGE ON MYSPACE SWATI
Got the myspace message! LOL! That was a cool idea. I replied too. I have no clue how many people’s emails I am losing. Both my email addys are not working now? Did you email at [email protected]?
That’s the one I e-mailed and it said it was undeliverable. :-(
Oh mannnn… :( That means no emails for me for a while! Sob! Sniff!
Myspace to the rescue! :-)
Just stopping by to say ‘Hi!’ to everyone! I haven’t died – though I’m dead on my feet going to school and working full time. I came home on Friday and slept for 14 hrs! *eek!*
Connie – I’m always amazed at yours and Martin’s strength through all of this. And you’ve still reached out to other folks who need your wisdom as well. You are truly appreciated!
[[[[ Huge Huggles to you and Martin! ]]]]
Thank you Dana! Keep up the great work! Dunno how you do it!
Hey Pretty Mama! Wake up. Even if you are feeling sad…we want to know.
What Swati and everyone else said! (((((!!!!))))) Connie and Martin.