Andrew really does know best. Today was a struggle for me because 11 months ago today my world came crashing down around me. I only thought Andrew’s diagnosis day was when my world came crashing down. It was a Monday, it was the 22nd. I only have 1 month left before it will be a year without my son’s physical presence here with us. I like saying “last Sept, last Aug, or last Oct Andrew and I did this or that.” I will never be able to say that again after next month. Can you even imagine how that must feel to say that about your own child? IT SUCKS! It SUCKS ass big time!
Last year at this time, we got the news Andrew was in remission. The doctors were exited about his recovery. Sept 22nd was the last weekend he got to leave the hospital and we had such a great time being out with him. He was feeling so good! He was eating well, walking well, and feeling really well. It was Andrew’s last time at home in his room, the last time he would go to Long Horns, his fav restaurant, to see his sister, I think it was the last time Andrew saw his friends Corey and CJ. Things were looking so good this time last year.
I have sat around this house most of the year missing my son. Now coming up to Andrew’s first anniversary of his journey home, he has made sure that I am busy. I am so glad that I am. I have been on the edge with the different anniversary’s this past year, I think this anniversary could send me over the edge if I was stuck in the house by myself to think.
We will be in one of my fav places to be, during my fav time of the year, Laguna Beach in the fall. We leave for Sedona Oct 17th. We drive from Sedona to Laguna Oct 20th. We have a day to relax then Oct 22nd we spend the day with people Andrew loves celebrating his life and the love we have for him. Then the 23rd we leave for Palm Springs to perform and stay at the same hotel we did last year with Andrew. Tammy is going to try and get the same rooms we had last year. This year at least Elatia will be with us.
Then we get the weekend to hang around Laguna and see friends and enjoy the cool weather for a change. We leave for Kona Hawaii Oct 29th for 12 days. I am hoping some great things happen while we are on “tour” because I know when I get home I run the risk of even more depression if I have to go back to sitting around the house doing nothing other than miss my son. AND the holidays right around the corner. Honestly, how much am I suppose to take? If there is a bigger purpose in all this, I would like to start seeing what the hell that bigger purpose is already!!
Andrew has given me lots of songs today to let me know he was close to me. Even in Old Navy! We were getting ready to check out and a song came on that Andrew and Martin loved, and I would sing it to them horribly mind you, but Andrew would always say I had the voice of an angel when I was done.Â Then I was going to go on a mini rant in the car about family or the lack of, with Elatia, but then Cold Play’s songthat reminds me of AndrewÂ came on, “Viva La Vida” as I was getting close to home AND it came on as soon as walked into the house. Does that mean he was shouting at me? lol
When I left Long Horn tonight and was staring at the truck ahead of me at a red light, I noticed it had a white wolf sticker and a wolf howling at the full moon sticker on the back window. When I wondered if it was a sign from Andrew, one of Andrew’s fav songs came on when he was 7yo, called Mambo #5. I haven’t jeard that in ages. He loved that song so much when he was 7. It reminded me of our Mother/Son cruise we had at the end of 2nd grade, and that song played when we were on the bus going to the boat. It made me smile and car seat dance. :-D
Andrew made Christmas special last year, his birthday beautiful, his diagnosis day on Elatia’s birthday so I could focus on something else, and now I’m very busy around his 1st anniversary of his journey home. That’s a very good thing because I need to be busy for more than just that day. Andrew does knows best!
IT’S ALL GOOD!