I swear they don’t! I can out skitz them/him anytime! Honestly! One moment I can be filled with gratitude, the next i can be in the deepest of sorrow, one minute I understand everything and the next minute nothing makes sense at all, then the next moment I can be laughing, while the next moment I can want to bitch slap someone! Then be back to joy. Of course a good bitch slapping someone can bring you joy! LOL OMG! Somebody stop me!!!!! LOL
Sometimes I cant stand being in my own skin because of all the emotions going on. Its overwhelming!
AND you all have witnessed most of it! I must be crazy to share all of this publicly. I think I do because to me I’m only sharing all this with a few people. I forget there’s probably a whole bunch more reading this than I realize. But I’m an attention ho anyway so it’s all good.
I’m sure there’s a little white or blue pill I can take for all this but then you would have nothing interesting to read! :-D I do it for the fans! Or actually, don’t do it for the fans. Like I need antidepressants that could give me suicidal tendencies. Yea, like I need help with that anyway! I’ll stick to my herbs thank you very much!
I have come up with a plan for Martin to help me to not be so skitzo, that is the technical term isn’t it? We did one meditation the other night, I’ll talk about it another time. Last night we did a “talk through.” Martin talks me through what is going on with Andrew at the moment. I visualize it as he’s telling me. I’m right there with him. Very cool information comes through too, like Andrew saying “Daddy, you know this is real right? Everything I’m showing you is very real, more real than anything you experience on Earth.” Cool huh? I will have to go into it more on another blog because I’m not in the right frame of mind to describe it to you properly to make you feel like you are right there with us. AND you know how much I like to suck you right in with me! It’s a gift :-D
I will tell you about tonight. American Idol auditions are on now and Andrew and I loved to watch it together to make fun of all the freaks on there that actually think they can sing and pick which one is going to win from the auditions.
I knew he was sitting on the couch in his camo shorts and John Lennon t-shirt. I could see him laughing at the dorks that thought they were the bees knees as a singer. I could see him looking at me, straightening out his shorts. I could see his messy hair that would irritate me that he wouldn’t brush. I called him on it too. I was like “Really? You couldn’t do anything with your hair?? You doing that just to irritate me?” I could see that big grin of his like “Umm yea of course Mommy! You gotta love me!” I talked to him out loud with tears in my eyes. I said ” I know you are there but I can’t look because I don’t want to see the empty space on the couch. If I don’t look it will be real to me.” I reached out for him to grab my hand and do our special hand thing that we do.
Martin comes out and sees that I am crying. What a shock I know. I told him that I know Andrew is on the couch and that it will just take me some time to get use to talking to him this way is all. So we had a good time watching our show together.
IT’S ALL GOOD!