While seeing Peter Brady and the first American Next Top Model getting together, or seeing “Mini Me” drunk off his ass and peeing in a corner is pretty surreal, I think my life the past 3 years tops it all! In my humble opinion anyway.
I don’t know if it’s because Andrew’s 19th birthday is next week or if it’s Mother’s Day coming up, or what, but I feel like my life is so surreal. Especially when I wait on parents with their kids at Olive Garden. That use to be me. That use to be me with my kids going to dinner or lunch. That was me helping my kids color or work out the puzzles on the kid’s menu. It’s so weird not to have any kids at home, let alone young kids around anymore. I thought I’d always be a mother & I realize I don’t feel like one anymore. It’s a bazaar place to be at. It’s not like I had a gradual entrance into this phase of my life. It was premature, sudden and abrupt.
So in comes empty nesthood now. I know, I have been in empty nesthood for 2 1/2 years, but I have also mentioned before how I can’t deal with everything that has happened the past 3 years all at once. I would explode if I tried. It’s way, way, too much to deal with all at once. So now it’s time to deal with the feelings of not being in active motherhood anymore. I was a mother for 26years, it’s my longest job ever! I didn’t even change kids once! ;-) I usually changed jobs every couple of months. I haven’t had time to really assimilate the empty nest feelings, too many other feelings to deal with first. Grief took center stage. Grief is still around too, but I guess grief decided to step aside, give me a break, (hahahaha) and let empty nesthood take center stage for a bit. Lucky me!
So now I will be spending some time dealing with these feelings and healing that part of myself. Sometimes I wish I could lose myself in drugs or alcohol and forget all this, but it’s just not my style. I gotta deal to heal! This crazy game we call life huh? :-D
To to all you mothers out there with younger children, enjoy every millisecond of motherhood. No matter how trying it can be. No matter how much you sometimes want to tie them up and lock them in closet and leave, or any other diabolical thing you have secretly thought about, because it is gone in a blink of an eye, even when you don’t lose them prematurely! Before you know it, you will be looking around your empty house and wonder where the time went.
IT’S ALL GOOD!