Suicide And The Other Side: A Vested Interest


So many people have misconceptions about what happens to the person who commits suicide. Many religions teach that these people go straight to hell, umm WRONG! Hard to go to a place that doesn’t exist. Psychic/medium, HayHouse author, and Montel Williams’ fav psychic, Sylvia Brown said that these souls have to come right back to Earth, do not pass go. Ummmm WRONG again! Sorry Sylvia, but you were wrong on that one too.

beckettss-bar-001When Martin and I have done our mediumship events, we have had a good number of suicides come through, which would be hard to do if they were burning in hell. I’m guessing they’d have other things on their mind, you  know, like how to put those damn flames out around them being one. (Seriously! Who believes that nonsense anymore?) It would also be hard to come through if they were back on Earth again. These suicides have come through loud and clear even when they committed suicide the day before.

The reason I am writing this blog is that Martin recently had something very interesting happen with a suicide of a friend  of someone close to us. I mean even interesting for us! This is the first time Martin has had a lot of time to talk to the Spirit who committed suicide. It’s been a year and a half since this person crossed.

leather-vest-001Martin was drawn to the leather vest of this person who passed not knowing who it belonged to. And since the friend who had it, couldn’t sell it, they gave it to Martin, knowing he should have it. Their friend on the other side obviously wanted him to have it. AND surprisingly enough, it looks great on Martin, even though it looked too big for him. It seemed to shrink as they brought it down and he tried it on.

Well, since Martin has had this beautiful leather vest, the person that committed suicide has been a Chatty Cathy to Martin. He has really enjoyed his conversations with her too. Now, they never met while she was here, but that doesn’t matter when you cross. When a Spirit finds someone who can hear them, you become their BFF.

She has validated things we already knew about what it’s like to cross, but she also had info that was uniquely her own experience. For instance she did mention seeing the bridge. I blogged about that years ago when another Spirit, Margaret, who came to Martin to tell him how Andrew helped her crossover. She came to Martin to let him know what amazing work Andrew is doing since he left here, and how much she loves and appreciates him for  all of his help in her crossing the bridge. The full story can be reached by clicking each of the links below.

connies blog

The bridge of transition


The Bridge of Transition Part I
The Bridge of Transition Part II
The Bridge of Transition Part III




connies blogWhat I found  interesting in the recent interactions, “sessions” if you will,  is that Martin is part of her process of moving forward. Part of her learning and growing since she crossed herself over. Martin said it’s like she has a form to fill out that she had a session with him, he is kinda like her therapist. I found that quite interesting. Well, if people here aren’t going to take advantage of Martin’s gifts, at least Spirits are! The pay sucks but the information is amazing!

I am not going into a lot of detail here because Martin has been writing about his sessions with this Spirit that will be going into a book. But I thought I would give the highlights here first because I found it quite interesting.

I also wanted to write this for those that may have had loved ones who committed suicide and believe they might be burning in hell or lost. It has been our experience every single time that they are happy, and are still growing and learning and still loving you!

Yeah, I know that this may sound weird to some, but we don’t question the info Spirit gives us. We are open to the process and however it needs to unfold. That’s what makes us so good at what we do. And that’s why….




My Sweet Lady (PrettyMama)


It was a few days after Andrew’s birthday in May when I had been wondering what direction I should put my energy and goals. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever work with Andrew/PureHeart and Martin again. I mean we haven’t done an event since October 2014.

Martin is going to be gone until at least October of this year, possibly longer with his cancer treatment in N Ireland. As time goes on, this bigger picture I thought I was seeing after Andrew left keeps getting smaller and smaller with every Muggle job I have to take to just get by, which getting by isn’t really happening either. I feel like I am on a sinking ship and only have a teaspoon to bail out the water. WTF? Seriously! Who the hell was I in a past life!?

24bdayjustMeandMuckHmmm just as I was typing this, Coldplay’s song Viva La Vida came on the T.V. which reminds of Andrew because he always talked about ruling the world. As I was thinking that I hear in my head, “We’re gonna rule the world Mommy!” Ok Muck, (our nickname for Andrew) any day would be good now. I’m ready to rule!

Sometimes it’s hard to stay focused on the bigger picture when cancer is constantly in your face, or in Martin’s case, his neck. I nearly lost my daughter in December 2006 to a cancer scare, actually lost my son in 2007 to leukemia, and now wonder if I will lose my husband in 2015. “Is this really the way this story ends?” I wondered as I go into Walgreens to pick up a few things. This is NOT what I pictured my life would be like when I was 13yo and KNEW that Martin and I were suppose to be together.

Andrew must have been listening to me because as I go into the store, “My Sweet Lady” by John Denver comes on! That’s the first song Martin ever sang to me in 1988 when I first went to N Ireland to see Martin after 12 years of being apart, which is why Andrew learned to play it. Martin sang it to me right before I was going back to the States and we didn’t know when we were going to see each other again.

My Muck playing My Sweet Lady and Black Bird after a 4 1/2 day forced coma, not even a week after his leuekmia diagnosis and still hooked up to dialysis and a bunch of other machines. Thank you Elatia for capturing this tender moment!

The tears start to well up as I listen to it. Once again, I’m glad I had my sunglasses on while in a store. It’s funny how Andrew can make some verses louder than others for me. The verse Andrew made louder for me, to accentuate the message he wanted me to hear was, “I swear to you our time together has just begun.”

This song has so much more meaning to me now than it ever did in 1988 when Martin first sang it to me. Now this song is from my husband AND my son. The words are so much more poignant on so many levels. It is like Andrew and Martin are both singing this song to me now. It was exactly the message I needed to hear! That our time together was not over, but in fact was just beginning…again.

24bdayTheManHimselfWhen Martin and I dance to this song at our wedding vow renewal on October 3rd, Martin’s 55th birthday, when I go over to N Ireland to see him after nearly 10 months apart, I KNOW Andrew, like in the PICU the night he passed, will be holding us both in his arms, dancing with us.

The night Andrew passed, he told Martin to play a song on his phone because he wanted to see Martin and I dance.  So we danced to the song of Andrew’s choice. And while I saw my son’s body on the hospital bed, I knew he was standing right there with his arms around us while we danced, I could feel him. Go ahead, wipe the tears! I am! I was listening to “My Sweet Lady” again as I was typing this, so you know I had tears flowing yet again as I let the words really wash over me. I could feel my son speaking to me through this song.

Well, Andrew likes to follow up a heart and tear filled moment with laughter. We taught him well. AND because I am such a demanding bitch, I asked for another sign that the song was from him to prove it wasn’t a coincidence. As usual Andrew delivered. The very next song playig at Walgreens was Billy Joel’s, “She’s Always A Woman To Me,” which Martin wrote a parody to, for my comedy show. He called it, “She’s Always A Diva To Me.” So I am walking through Walgreens wiping my tears and laughing.

And now that I am getting back to my comedy by recently doing an open mic to get my stage legs back, I guess he was letting me know the comedy would be coming back into my life at some point. I had put my comedy on the back burner for a number of years because it seemed we needed to go another direction.

The GOOD GRIEF! comedy show Andrew made me write back in 2013, about the journey of losing him, is making it’s début on his 8th “Angelversary,” the 8th Annual International It’s All Good Day! in Belfast N Ireland. Apparently nothing is off limits for my son at what we can laugh at.

So if you know anyone in the area who would like to help us promote it, let us know!

And in true Andrew fashion, he let’s me know…


Happy 24th Birthday Muck!

24bdayTheManHimselfAndrew’s 24th birthday was last week and as always it is an emotional time for me, especially with Martin being 3,000 miles away, and waking up alone on Andrew’s birthday to the deafening silence. Also the realization that it is his 8th birthday I was celebrating without him physically here. I can not believe he would be 24. The Grief  was all up in my flava that morning!

So I had the pity party first and then went on preparing for his birthday. My friend Megan came over around 1pm, so the pity party ended then. She came over early to do my PureHeart tattoo in Elvish on my wrist and spent the day with me and helped me prepare for the party that evening.

Of course we had to do the tradition of getting him a carrot cake from Publix and his “steakie goodness” meal at Long Horn’s Steak House. We have been doing it every year on Muck’s birthday since he was 10yo. Not sure if he loved it there so much because of the steak or because his big sister worked there, but he just loved that place! I ordered the renegade that he always did. I ordered it the way I like it now, I use to like it well done, but since Andrew left I like it medium, so I ordered it that way and of course I got it medium rare, closer to how Muck liked it. He does that every time to Martin when Martin orders a steak. Since Martin wasn’t there, he did it to me. Nice to see some procedures never change.

On the way home from the “steakie goodness” Andrew made me make a couple of pit stops I was not planning. As I was showing Megan where our store use to be, I hear, “raspberry happiness!” Then I feel the pull, the pull to go to the bakery that expanded into our Wizard’s Window old bay. I was pulled across 3 lanes of traffic! LOL

I go in and the eldery gentleman is still there that use to sell Andrew the “raspberry happiness” and he remembers me. I buy 3 of them, and he gives me a loaf of bread too and says, “bring it back tomorrow if you don’t like it.” Yep! The same ole guy I remember.

Then I try to head home again, but Andrew wasn’t done with me yet! I could feel his energy, which makes me a bit high, so I’m hoping he finally learned how to drive on the other side because I’m going to need some help here to stay focused. His energy is intoxicating! I then start telling Megan about the 4 & 20 Pasty Company, and that’s when I hear, “Lucozade!” Really dude? You’re gonna make me stop for Lucozade? Yes he was!

I could feel his energy and I was getting all excited about Lucozade. It was Andrew’s favorite beverage in Ireland, NOT mine, but yet I was feeling all excited about it. I go in and the English wife owner is there, she had met Andrew a number of times. I told her it was his birthday and he wanted me to stop for Lucozade. Megan and I were looking at the pasties, and Andrew made me tell Megan how Wes loved the Shepard’s Pie pasty there. I almost bought one, felt the pull to buy one, but I hadn’t seen Wes in a long time, so why bother? Right?

Then on my way out, or should I say as I try to leave, Muck makes me stop and look at the shelf of goodies from the UK and I start laughing. What do I see? Spotted Dick! So, yes, I had to buy the Spotted Dick too. When Andrew saw that on a menu in England in 2006, the year before he was diagnosed, he laughed so hard and made Martin order it so he could take a picture of it to show Cory. Of course there was NO way in hell he was going to tell the server that he wanted spotted dick! But it was ok for him if his father did. LOL

I have to say, I really enjoyed shopping with my boy on his birthday as he brought back such fond memories of his favorite things that we use to buy together.

I was wondering how Andrew was going to make his birthday special for me since I had to start it off alone. The shopping was not enough, I wanted more!  Nothing can top the Spirit Portrait he gave me on his 21st, but I still like surprises from him. I like to see if he can up his game.

Well, he delivered! While it may not have been as huge as the spirit portrait, it was still pretty special! The party was in full swing, when someone comes to the door, I was so surprised to see him! It was Wes! I hadn’t seen him in about 18 months! He hugged me so tight and so long, it felt so good! Then of course I smacked him for not coming by to visit. He stayed the rest of the evening. It just made my night! Now I know why Andrew wanted me to buy the Shepard’s Pie! He was giving me a clue as to the surprise that was coming.

Wes asked about the fire crackers he and Andrew had bought in 2007 for the 4th of July. I told him we still had them where Wes left them back in 2008 when he found them. BUT I warned him that I wouldn’t light any since the last time we tried on the 4th of July in 2013, it exploded in Martin’s hand. Wes was willing to risk it for his friend’s birthday and all his digits were attached at the end of the night.

After Wes got there, I decided that since there was a few people there that never got to meet my Muck, that the rest of us would share our fav Muck story. Like my sister on a bike ride with Andrew when he was like 9 or 10yo, and running over a squirrel on her BICYCLE! Who does that? LOL Of course LOTS of laughter ensued with each story! It was so much fun hearing and sharing those stories again! I also got to show off his spirit portrait and his bedroom to a new friend and business partner. Elatia made jello shots, so we had a jello shot toast to our Muck.

Andrew’s birthday might have started with a pity party, but in the end, it was a great day! And that my friends, is how you Turn Devastation Into Celebration!