I won’t say what started this epiphany but I had a major one tonight.
When Andrew ascended, I was genuinely feeling for Andrew’s friends for their loss of a dear friend and for Elatia’s loss of a brother. I felt their pain, I really did, it brought tears to my eyes. I hugged each person feeling for them. Now I know why! I was talking to Denise tonight and realized why, it was easier for me to deal with their loss than mine! I didn’t want to deal with the the physical loss of my son.
I remember consoling others on THEIR loss of Andrew not only at his service but the very next day after his ascension, at my house. It was so easy. It even surprised me on how easy it was for me to console others. In fact my mother was so in awe of me that I could acknowledge others’ pain & be there for them for their loss of my wee son, their friend, their brother. Now I know, it was so much easier for me to deal with everyone elses’ loss than my own.
I wish I could say I did it for others, but I did it for myself. It was just so much easier for me to deal with everyone elses’ loss of Andrew than my own. WOW! That’s huge isn’t it?? Or is this like my melt downs, a surprise to me but no one else? So while I’d like to think I was so gracious to everyone else, I did it for myself. I just realized that now. I’m not beating myself up about it, it is what it is, a part of the grieving process. When in this position, you do what you can to cope. I can think of worse ways to cope.
IT’S STILL ALL GOOD!