I wasn’t going to write anything until I saw the date, Feb 22, which is what? 2/22. 16 months ago my sweet 16yo son made his journey home. My life changed forever, I was changed forever. The life I worked so hard to create was shattered…as was my heart. I know I have come a long way in healing my heart, but I will spend the rest of my life healing it.

I told Martin Sat. morning that the mom gene in me is so afraid to totally let go of the physical part of Andrew. I love that part of him so much and miss it so much, to just let go of it seems unthinkable. But in doing so there is peace and getting to know Andrew fully. His physical being is only a very small part of who he truly is. The mom gene can’t imagine anything better than those hugs and kisses of his tho, yet I have to realize that those are gone for now. :-(

I can not believe it has been 16 months on one hand, and on the other, with all that we have been through, it seems like an eternity. I can’t even begin to comprehend that Andrew hasn’t physically been here for 16 months, it doesn’t seem possible. I feel like I have been in this vaccum or void. Yet it also feels like it hasn’t been 16 months because we still talk with Andrew. It’s not as often for me as it is for Martin…yet, but that is what I am working on. There’s so many emotions to work through and deal with that time indeed does fly by. I am totally ok with that! The quicker time flies, the quicker I get to see Andrew. The up side to this? There is no fear of dying or getting old! Because one thing we know for sure, the “end,” “death,” is just the continuation of what has always been.


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7 Responses to TIME FLIES…..

  1. Karen T. says:

    I am sending you big ((hugs)) Connie. I can’t begin to imagine what the Mama Gene in you feels at times.

    And I haven’t been afraid of death for a while now. Meeting you guys helped me with that shift in thought and belief and I thank you both for being a part of bringing me such peace. My only fear now is of what you are going through…one of my children leaving before me and having to grasp and deal from the human side of things. My heart goes out to you and Martin there.

    Happy 2/22! I was having that thought yesterday and wondering the significance of recognizing it. Have an awesome day!

  2. Denise says says:

    BIG {{{{{{{ HUGS}}}}}}}}} !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. admin says:

    Funny thing is I had no idea what the date was until I went to shut down my computer. I knew it was coming up to 16 months but didn’t know it was today. Knowing it is 2/22 is cool. I was wondering if Andrew was going to turn on the fairy light since he didn’t yesterday.

    While I was doing the dishes this morning I heard my bedroom door to the patio banging around and the Celtic wind chime on it ringing. But when I looked at the back door that was open as well, it hadn’t moved at all from the breeze nor were the trees I could see. I then heard “check the fairy light.” I got side tracked when Martin came out of the office but then we went together into Andrew’s bathroom and sho enuf the fairy light was on. YAY!

    I’m off now to do the meditation that Andrew and Martin made for me. Maybe I’ll receive another gift from Andrew in it. Keeping fingers and eyes crossed.

  4. admin says:

    BTW Karen, knowing that our journey has helped people shift consciousness does help me move through the grief. Thank you for being open to that and easing my journey!

    Hey Denise back at ya! (((HUGS)))

  5. Leah Clark says:

    Time is such a fluid thing, isn’t it? Seems like we’ve always been friends, but then it seems like I just met Andrew in the hospital yesterday. You guys are such an inspiration to me!

    BTW – everyone at the service yesterday loved the song – they were walking around singing it under their breath. I was thinking – you should send about 5 CDs to The Soul Mirror, for them to sell on consignment. That way, I can say, “hey, this is the CD” and people will be more likely to buy one than to go online and purchase. Lazy, I know – but I guess sometimes you gotta work wid dat!

  6. admin says:

    I’m sure you understand how it feels Leah, it does seem like we’ve always been friends and just yesterday that you were coming to the hospital w/home baked cookies for Andrew. Proof that there is no time maybe? ;-) It’s bazaar(& painful) this human experience.

    I totally get the impulse buy. I wouldn’t bother going on line either to buy it but probably would buy if it was there. I’ll let Martin know. And Thanks for sharing it! I have to say the song “For Andrew” is my new fav. I love the way it sounds on the cd. What a beautiful tribute from a father to his son.

  7. Jeremy says:

    Hey Connie, What is your email addie?

    I need to get some info so I can have personal references.



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