I wasn’t going to write anything until I saw the date, Feb 22, which is what? 2/22. 16 months ago my sweet 16yo son made his journey home. My life changed forever, I was changed forever. The life I worked so hard to create was shattered…as was my heart. I know I have come a long way in healing my heart, but I will spend the rest of my life healing it.
I told Martin Sat. morning that the mom gene in me is so afraid to totally let go of the physical part of Andrew. I love that part of him so much and miss it so much, to just let go of it seems unthinkable. But in doing so there is peace and getting to know Andrew fully. His physical being is only a very small part of who he truly is. The mom gene can’t imagine anything better than those hugs and kisses of his tho, yet I have to realize that those are gone for now. :-(
I can not believe it has been 16 months on one hand, and on the other, with all that we have been through, it seems like an eternity. I can’t even begin to comprehend that Andrew hasn’t physically been here for 16 months, it doesn’t seem possible. I feel like I have been in this vaccum or void. Yet it also feels like it hasn’t been 16 months because we still talk with Andrew. It’s not as often for me as it is for Martin…yet, but that is what I am working on. There’s so many emotions to work through and deal with that time indeed does fly by. I am totally ok with that! The quicker time flies, the quicker I get to see Andrew. The up side to this? There is no fear of dying or getting old! Because one thing we know for sure, the “end,” “death,” is just the continuation of what has always been.
IT’S ALL GOOD!