So I’m going to go commando! :-) I wish I was up for writing everything because there is sooooo much going on! But I have yet to get more than the 2 1/2 hrs. sleep I got yesterday evening. The ache in my heart is too great for sleeping or eating. It is just too overwhelming. WIll it ever end?? I still haven’t had a meal since Sunday night altho I did have a bowl of cereal finally today. Martin just informed me that he ate a booger today! Ewwwwwww AND TMI!
Martin and I have what we call our somores moments. Somore crying, somore grieving, somore sobbing, somore falling apart! Like when I was walking in a daze early this a.m. before the sun came up for no apparent reason and saw Andrew’s Capri Suns that we got for him on one of our runs to Publix for HRH. :-) Well I immediately started to sob. He didn’t get to finish his drinks. It was then I realized I wouldn’t be having a bunch of boys at my house hanging around anymore either. :-( I won’t be hearing the laughter, the jokes, Andrew practicing Black Bird on his guitar, the razzing of each other coming from Andrew’s room anymore. There won’t be any boys in my house making Ramon Noodles at all hours of the day and night. I sit and realize ALL of the things that will be gone in my life now. Time for a somore moment……

When I found the cushion he wore on his elbow from the bedsore he got in the PICU back in July, that still has his blood on it, I sat on my couch and held it to my heart and cried. I have more heart wrenching moments to share like these, lucky you huh? I figure that if I have to go thru them, you have to read them! I promise it will be worth it because I do have very cool and profound stories as well.

OK, I guess I owe you one after those 2 stories. As I’m typing now Martin said Andrew was standing behind me. Martin told me that Andrew had his head turned towards him and grinning that big grin of his. Martin then told me to close my eyes and I would see him. I did so and I did see him!! I really did! Andrew then put his hands on the sides of my head and was kissing the top of my head numerous times. And he was saying “I Love you Pretty Mama!” *wipes tear* He has his beautiful hair and he looks so handsome! He is so beautiful, radiant and this peace emanates from him that is amazing! He is wearing a white robe. I am one lucky Pretty Mama!!
I have got to go now because I can’t see straight anymore and that is no exaggeration. YAY! Maybe finally some sleep! I’m taking notes so I can fill you in later on EVERYTHING! The good, the bad, the heart ache! You get the total package here people! It would appear I’ll be taking you on the ride of your life! SO please hold on to the bar!!


Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Swati says:

    Yayyy! You wrote here!! Yes, you need to sleep my sweet friend…even though I am furiously refreshing this page again and again just to see if you have written any more over here.

    I don’t even have any words that can comfort you. Heck…I’m being no help to you, am I? What kind of a useless stalker am I?!

    Andrew can you please do something so that your mum can see you with her physical eyes, clear as daylight? Is that how Martin sees you too? I know many people see the ones from the Spirit world as clearly and as solidly as we see other humans. So I pray to God to grant my friend, Andrew’s prettiest mama ,THIS kind of vision so that her pain eases.


  2. Jane says:

    (((Connie))) I am so glad you were able to see Andrew. To read your description of how you saw him looking so wonderful makes my heart swell with gladness and love for you.

    I am affirming that you and Martin are able to get some rest. Much love to you all.

  3. Myra Procter says:

    Awesome that you actually got to see Andrew, I think that’s absolutely amazing, wonderful. I’m in work and the tears have started again after reading your stories and I just picked up my hankie to wipe my eyes BUT I forgot it’s loaded with Albas Oil for my cold and is stinging the hell out of my eyes lol. So much for trying to hide my tears I can hardly see a darned thing they are stinging so much, I hope no customers come in for a while! Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. Much love to you all.
    Myra x

  4. jessica says:

    My dear Aunt Connie~ Its wonderful to hear that andrew is around and you seen him, he was all around yesterday I felt him everywhere I was in the house and he was doing crazy things to us all! It felt great to be with you guys my family and I know andrew was there with all of us while we cried and laughed about all the special things he did and the special amazing young man he is! I love you so very much! I will see you later tonight I LOVE YOU MY DEAR SWEET ANDREW………….XOXOXOXOXOXOX COME SEE ME TODAY WHILE I CLEAN & HAVE YOUR PICTURE RIGHT HERE WITH YOUR CANDLE & OF COURSE YOUR HAT!!!I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH MUCK!

  5. Carolyn says:

    I was very sorry to hear about your son passing .loseing a child is never easy even for a pagan ,as I know this First hand I lost a child also In 94, its been 15 years but its still as painful as if it was yesterday even thought she was only 9 when she died .age dose’nt matter when your children die be for you so my heart as a mother and as a kindred spirit go out to you and your husband and wish you the best as you go into this passing of your child Bless you and make the Goddess keep you safe and give you peace.

  6. Janice Olson says:

    Hi Connie,

    Your words are beautiful and I thank you for sharing with all of us who care about you and your family. I wish I had some profound beautiful words for you but I guess I’ll leave that for Andrew and Martin :)

    I guess I’ll just be a stalker like Swati!!

    Sending you and your family lots of love and totally understand your ‘somore’ moments. In the last few days when I find my patience running out with my boys, I think of ‘somore moments’ and put it all into perspective.

    Hugs & Love to you all!!
    Janice Olson (ATP from Antioch)

  7. Janice Olson says:

    Oh, and get some rest so you and Andrew can be together on the astral plane!!!


  8. aunt lisa says:

    Thank you Connie & Martin for letting me be with you yesterday & help get things ready for all your guests. I felt much relief being in Andrews home & around all of his things. His presence was every where & it was sooo comforting. I forgot to tell you a moment I had because I was enjoying it so, then when I came out to tell you, you all were sharing a different moment, so I just went about my business…so I’ll tell you now…while I was in my designated room cleaning I had put Nana’s Kleen bottle ontop of the tv & continued w/ a rag wiping the ceiling fan which is in the middle of the room when I felt myself hit w/ something from behind on the back of my hip I turned around to acknowledge who was there & even said what? There was no one there but the can of Kleen on the floor by my feet! I didn’t know what to think at first, I picked up the can put it back down proceeded to clean by moving your bulletin board behind the tv & the first thing I saw was the picture of Andrew w/ his spikey hair & how I remembered him wearing it like that on one of our dates! Then next I saw my favorite picture of Martin & I realized what had just happened…..I hope Andrew never stops throwing things at me….I miss him terribly!!! Just know I’m there for you my one & only Hermana & Family XOXOXO!!!

  9. Swati says:

    Perfect advice Janice! I never thought of that…she should sleep and rest more so that she can meet Andrew on the astral plane!!!

  10. Pranamama says:

    The spirit and grace of your family has touched so many lives through your sacred hearts. Although I’ve made another donation, I wish there was more I could do to support you and care for you…make dinner for you, like our circle of friends do here…Ape (on the angel boards) has done a brilliant thing in giving us a link with which to buy a beer for Martin or a glass of wine for you… your a red wine girl…am I right? It is a wonderful way to feel present at the celebration of Andrew’s life on Saturday with you…I’ll be raising a glass of red here in NY Sat. night in his honor.

    I believe the aventurine angel I was guided to send Andrew is actually a gift, an affirmation, and a symbol of his perfection in heaven from the Divine Source of Love, to you and Martin. I have also just received in the mail, the two amethyst angels I ordered for you and Martin…(I think I posted most of the amazing story about finding the angels) I will enclose the information on the crystal skull, Syngery, which came with the angels because they were put in the presence of this ancient crystal skull to be imbued with it’s energy . It says: “Syngery is is defined as the cooperative action of two or more independant entities to bring about a total effect or change which is greater than what either can accomplish alone ie. 1+1=3 (or even more).”
    Sounds like the amazing love your family has evoked for so many already.

    Please know you and your family are in my prayers,
    Blessings of Love & Light,

Leave a Reply