So I’m going to go commando! :-) I wish I was up for writing everything because there is sooooo much going on! But I have yet to get more than the 2 1/2 hrs. sleep I got yesterday evening. The ache in my heart is too great for sleeping or eating. It is just too overwhelming. WIll it ever end?? I still haven’t had a meal since Sunday night altho I did have a bowl of cereal finally today. Martin just informed me that he ate a booger today! Ewwwwwww AND TMI!
Martin and I have what we call our somores moments. Somore crying, somore grieving, somore sobbing, somore falling apart! Like when I was walking in a daze early this a.m. before the sun came up for no apparent reason and saw Andrew’s Capri Suns that we got for him on one of our runs to Publix for HRH. :-) Well I immediately started to sob. He didn’t get to finish his drinks. It was then I realized I wouldn’t be having a bunch of boys at my house hanging around anymore either. :-( I won’t be hearing the laughter, the jokes, Andrew practicing Black Bird on his guitar, the razzing of each other coming from Andrew’s room anymore. There won’t be any boys in my house making Ramon Noodles at all hours of the day and night. I sit and realize ALL of the things that will be gone in my life now. Time for a somore moment……
When I found the cushion he wore on his elbow from the bedsore he got in the PICU back in July, that still has his blood on it, I sat on my couch and held it to my heart and cried. I have more heart wrenching moments to share like these, lucky you huh? I figure that if I have to go thru them, you have to read them! I promise it will be worth it because I do have very cool and profound stories as well.
OK, I guess I owe you one after those 2 stories. As I’m typing now Martin said Andrew was standing behind me. Martin told me that Andrew had his head turned towards him and grinning that big grin of his. Martin then told me to close my eyes and I would see him. I did so and I did see him!! I really did! Andrew then put his hands on the sides of my head and was kissing the top of my head numerous times. And he was saying “I Love you Pretty Mama!” *wipes tear* He has his beautiful hair and he looks so handsome! He is so beautiful, radiant and this peace emanates from him that is amazing! He is wearing a white robe. I am one lucky Pretty Mama!!
I have got to go now because I can’t see straight anymore and that is no exaggeration. YAY! Maybe finally some sleep! I’m taking notes so I can fill you in later on EVERYTHING! The good, the bad, the heart ache! You get the total package here people! It would appear I’ll be taking you on the ride of your life! SO please hold on to the bar!!
I LOVE YOU MY DARLING PRINCE!