It would appear that I am on a receiving journey at the moment. It is a lot harder than I had ever expected it to be. Especially when I think about how much we had to receive when we were in the hospital. You would think I would have that receiving thing down pat after that. But nope! There is a big difference in receiving when you are brought to your knees, by trauma, (thought I should clarify that) than receiving when you are in a good place. Receiving when you have no trauma going on is a whole lot different, and harder, than receiving when you have trauma going on. Who knew? Or maybe it’s just me.
This issue was really brought to me after one of our mediumship events recently when the owner of the venue took no percentage of the ticket sales. Yes, the event was smaller than she had anticipated, but still, I figured she would have taken a percentage. Not only that, she didn’t take anything the next day for the readings Martin did. Again it was only a few readings. I had to really process that, it brought up issues of guilt or perhaps unworthiness, not sure, all I know is that I had uncomfortable feelings to deal with about receiving this even though I knew we deserved it. I felt like I needed to give her something, I couldn’t just receive. it’s ironic since I gave a whole speech during our show that evening about women needing to learn how to receive and not always be giving. And here I am having a hard time receiving!
Now that I am writing this, I think I may have had an aha moment. I can’t believe it’s taken me a few weeks to figure this one out, which could explain the events of this weekend. I just experienced a whole weekend of receiving and I just didn’t know what to do about it! It was so uncomfortable for me to receive as much as I did, AND I’ve still been trying to figure why this is an issue for me. I think I may have just figured it out, and it’s a biggie! But the story first.
We met two women, Liz and Anita, at our event in Palm Harbor in February that were so excited to have met us. They see what we are really about, and the bigger picture of what we are suppose to do. They came in for readings two weeks after our show. They wanted to meet with us and discuss how they could help us get out there in a much bigger way. Music to my ears lemme tell ya! We just hit it off with them, like we’ve known them a really long time. AND perhaps we have, like many lifetimes, not sure, but there was something familiar about them.
We had to go back to Palm Harbor this past Saturday to get a few things Martin had left behind, so we took the opportunity to see Liz and Anita and have lunch. Well, to call them givers is an understatement to say the least! Not only were they over the top excited about us and what we do, they also wouldn’t let us pay for our lunch, but they weren’t done yet!
I’m ok with people loving Martin and I, and what we do, I know what we do with Andrew is very powerful and big. It’s what keeps me going. I was quite excited that they see what we see with our work. But the actual giving part was hard for me. We had lunch, then they took us to the store where they want us to do a show.
The store had a “Swarovski Crystal Intention Bracelet” show by Shareane Baff going on there as well. Liz and Anita love the bracelets and wanted me to see them. We met the owner and staff, all were very nice. To say Liz was excitedly handing me bracelets to try on to see if I felt anything from them would be an understatement yet again. They were beautiful without a doubt, but I wasn’t “feeling” anything in-particular from them. There was a lot going on around me, so it was hard for me to focus on feeling anything.
Once I was left alone to browse I just relaxed and casually looked around at the bracelets, all the pretty colors. Sparkly things always gets my attention, even in the middle of a conversation. I was thinking, “I wanna feel something! bawaaa bawaa” in my infinite whiny way. Well, then it hits me! I see a bracelet and it hits me! The tears welled up as I KNEW this was the bracelet that I connected with. I couldn’t talk. I felt Andrew’s loving energy surround me as it was him that guided me to this bracelet. The bracelet’s name? “Imagine.” If you’ve been reading my blog at all, you know what that song meant to Andrew.
Apparently Andrew, Liz and Anita had been hatching a plan. When they saw my tears, Liz said, “This one is yours, Andrew wants you to have it!” I told her, “No! This is too much! You can’t do this!” She informed me that indeed she could AND would get me this bracelet. These bracelets are not cheap! They run like $200! Now what do you think that does to a person who has a hard time letting someone they barely know pay for lunch!? It makes them want to spontaneously burst into flames, that’s what!
I looked to Jeannie, who was behind the table, for help, but she was no help with her, “sorry, the bracelet is yours, suck it up,” look. It was a conspiracy I tell ya. The tears continued to fall as I tried to argue with Liz and Anita about buying the bracelet. They were like ninjas at the register paying for it quick like before I could do anything. Between Andrew’s loving energy, the sparkly colors now on my wrist, and whatever the hell this issue was with receiving, my head was spinning!
They went on to also pay for dinner that night when we ordered in pizza. BUT I drew the line on breakfast the next morning. We paid for breakfast! BOOYA! WINNING!
Well, as I was writing this blog, it came to me where this “hard to receive” issue may have come from. It brought tears to my eyes as I realized it. I believe it came from my ex step father. WOW! Did not see that one coming. Whenever he gave me something, there was ALWAYS a very high price to pay for it. I knew when he gave me something, it was either to make up for something he did to me, or he was about to abuse me again, or it was used against me. See? There was always a high price to pay when I received something, a price I did NOT want to pay. No wonder I cringe inside when someone tries to give me something or do something really nice for me. While I love it, it is really hard for me to accept it. Now that I know where it comes from, I can work on healing it and releasing it. YAY! Another layer healed.
Receiving truly IS an art form…Imagine that!
IT’S ALL GOOD!