Not only is that the name we picked for our new upcoming radio show, it is also what has happened to me late last year in a HUGE way, and continues to happen in a magnificent way. It almost feels like I am waking up, or at the very least coming out of a heavy fog. 2012 is the year for shift to happen.
I have mentioned before how Andrew will give us pieces of the puzzle of this journey we are on with him, as we can handle it. With each new piece of the puzzle, I find a little more peace with what has happened to us. But with this latest piece of information? Well, it just knocked my socks off! It was like the last bit of the grief veil that was on me, was lifted. I haven’t experienced any heavy grief since Andrew gave us this BIG piece of this puzzle called our life.
Here we are in February and still no grief! Pretty exciting stuff to say the least. So far I have been able to just focus on who Andrew is now and not on his physical presence. I thought it might have been a fluke, but it’s been nearly 2 months and I have never gone that long before with no heavy feeling of grief. Does it mean that I don’t miss my Muck’s physical presence? No, it means I have finally accepted his new place in our lives, which is pretty darn big!
When I see what Andrew’s friends are up to now, like Corey getting married, yes you read that right! Corey just got married; instead of crying over what I have missed these past four years, I think, “That’s nice, but this is what my son is doing now,” and I get excited. Yes! You read that right, I get excited! I am so excited about our journey with Andrew now. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be on this journey with Andrew, even with as hard as it has been.
With this latest piece of the puzzle, Andrew gave Martin a glimpse into who he really is. Martin had to process the information before he could even tell me. I had to process the information before I could say anything, and even then I am careful on what I say because most people wouldn’t understand. When I could finally and vaguely share our latest puzzle piece with a close coworker friend of mine Doug, he validated the info for me. He knew exactly what I was talking about. I also validated a childhood memory for him. We both had tears in our eyes when we realized how magnificent all of this really is. That blew me away AND that is when I realized just how HUGE all of this really is. I believe it was that moment that the grief veil was lifted.
I went home to tell Martin of the validation I got from Doug. I told him, “you know we won the lottery with this kid, right? This is winning lottery for us! This is HUGE!” Martin said he knew. We both have been very excited about life again since Andrew giving us this peace of the puzzle. I know I feel safe and supported now, and that is an amazing feeling!
We hired an intuitive business coach recently. When I contacted her I told her that by the time she read my email, she would probably have already met my son. She contacted me and said she had met him 2 days earlier and wondered who he was. On one of our calls with her she mentioned how incredibly bright Andrew’s Light was. After she said that, Martin heard Andrew say, “I dimmed my Light for her Daddy, didn’t want to blind her,” and then heard him laugh.
I’m not going to go into detail exactly what Andrew shared with us. It’s not for us to do, at least not yet. Those that are open or have experienced PureHeart’s healing energy and love will know exactly what I am talking about. It’s not for me to spell it out, but instead let Andrew/PureHeart tell those who are suppose to know.
When Andrew first left, Martin researched the data on how parents did after losing a child. He found out that it took at least five years before the parents were somewhat functional. Martin and I thought we were ahead of the game by being back on stage five months after Andrew left. While we were a head of the game so to speak, we still had to go through the grief process. There is no way around it, no matter who you are or how much you know. Grief is a process and there’s no getting around it. You have to allow yourself time to grieve and process your new life without your child. You have to grieve the loss of your hopes and dreams you had with your child. We have found new hopes and dreams with our son. The key is to not get lost in the grief. Once you can do that, shift happens and you realize it’s ok to have new hopes and dreams, and to live again.
Let shift happen and you’ll see too…
IT’S ALL GOOD!