When you allow the critics, the naysayers, the haters (ie assholes) to get to you, you hand them your power on a silver platter!
*WARNING!* Joisey Gurl Lesson here. I am definitely tappin into my Joisey Gurl side on this one. NOT for the faint at heart!
I learned that lesson at a young age when I carried anger, resentment & self loathing because of the emotional, sexual, & physical abuse dealt to me by my step father from 9yo on. When you have a parent figure that beats you down, puts you down & is molesting you, your self esteem takes a HUGE hit to say the least, especially when you also get bullied at school too! Let’s just say I wasn’t rockin the frizzy hair, broken out face, & stop sign wire glasses as much as I would’ve liked. Seriously! How did I not do drugs then?? How am I not doing drugs now??!
When I realized by carrying those feelings of anger, resentment & self loathing, I was still giving my step father power over me. And that is when I said, “FUCK THAT SHIT!” “You stole my childhood! I won’t ALLOW you to steal my power or the rest of my life anymore!” And I became a rebel with a cause, and that cause was ME!
I DECIDED then that the only opinion that truly mattered about myself was mine! That if I liked myself, that is all that matters. Does it mean that when you have a hater it doesn’t sting? Especially if it’s in your own family? No! But it doesn’t mean I hand them over my power either. I remember my younger self & say, “FUCK THEM!” There’s ALWAYS going to be haters no matter how magnificent you are. AND it says more about THEM and not you!
I didn’t even march to the beat of a different drum in school, I marched to the beat of MY OWN drum! Even when it wasn’t popular to do so. And middle school and high school are tough places to do that lemme tell ya. I want to thank a few high school friends who reminded me of that when we reconnected on FB. I thought I was invisible except when I was getting picked on, and now I found out I was actually inspiring people with my out of the box approach to life, the beat of my own drum.
At 11yo I made a conscious CHOICE, a promise to myself if you will. I knew I had no choice at 11yo other than to figure out how to deal with the shit that was coming my way and not lose my mind or self, from my mother’s bad choices in men, and well, bad choices all the way around.
So I promised myself then, that as an adult I would NEVER ALLOW anyone to take my choices OR my power away again, because as an adult I would ALWAYS have choices that I didn’t have as a kid, and NO ONE could take them away from me ever again! I won’t ALLOW it! And I held strong to my 11yo promise to myself to this day. Man! My 11yo self just knew shit!
I won’t even hand my power over to the grief of losing my beautiful son or the grief others have tried to dump on me. Again, it’s a choice because grief is CONSTANTLY nipping at my heels & even my throat! Make no mistake, it’s a hard choice to make not to succumb to the grief, but I will NOT hand my power over on a silver platter to grief either! I will make grief my bitch first!
So remember kiddies, when you ALLOW the critics, the naysayers and the haters (ie assholes) even if it’s family, to get to you, bother you, bring you down, you are handing them YOUR power on a silver platter. Don’t hand them your power on a silver platter! (I keep hearing that Direct tv guy’s voice! lol)
This has been your Joisey Gurl lesson for today. Now get out there and kick some hater ass by taking your power back!
Jersey or not it’s a great message for many who went through the same stuff from those who were suppose to care and protect us. Big hugs and timeless lesson
well, the Joisey Gurl part is telling it like it is & not sugar coating it. There is NO polite way to talk about abuse & surviving it. It is what it is & it shouldn’t be sugar coated, it’s offensive & needs to be portrayed that way. Thanks Jacki for always taking the time to post.