Sorry peeps for not writing anything today, even tho it’s still technically today. Yes, I have been struggling a bit. Especially yesterday, Monday. I was a mess Monday night, I ain’t gonna lie to you. None of this is easy! My mama gene took over full force yesterday. I wanted out of my skin so bad I couldn’t stand it! It just got too big the severity of all this. My sweet son is not here physically anymore! I just couldn’t stand it!
But here’s the thing. It’s a battle back and forth with my Higher Self knowing he’s so happy and doing so well and my Mama gene that’s wants him back so bad! I missed Andrew so much yesterday, I just couldn’t handle him not being here physically. I miss him everyday, make no mistake about that, but sometimes it’s worse than others. The forum was slow, my blog didn’t have a lot of comments so I had time to think. That’s not good people! I don’t need a lot of time to think! That can only lead to trouble!
Now that Andrew has left, the phone doesn’t ring much, people don’t call as much to see how we’re doing. I forget to call anybody. I lose all track of time. I put cream cheese in the freezer for chrissakes and wondered where my cream cheese went! I can’t believe it’s been a month since Andrew has left, nothing seems real. It’s one big mind F**K is the best way to describe all of this! I’m not gonna lie and sugar coat it. That’s what it’s like!
Martin and I laid in Andrew’s bed today to connect with him. Martin is helping me to connect with Andrew the way he does. Andrew gave me a few cool visuals. He showed me that when you want to see something it just appears. For instance, he showed me if he wants to go to the Akashic Records, (Records of everyone’s life contracts. Simplified answer.) it just appears to him. You don’t get in your car or on your broom :-D and go, it just appears to you. I thought that was cool.
Monday night in my tears of despair, I asked Andrew to give me a sign to hang on to. Something to let me know that none of this was for nothing. That indeed we are to carry on his messages of love, peace and joy. A reason we are suppose to stay, cause right then I couldn’t think of not one reason, nada, zippo! Well, I got my answer today! KC will never know how important her call was to me today! She is working on getting us a teleclass with a very high profile person who Andrew admired! I KNOW! Most of the people he admired have already crossed.
It was a definite sign from Andrew that Martin, him and I will be working together. I am not going to give away any details right now because it’s too early and too huge! Ok, only a few people know already that live close to me, but that’s it! So shhhhhhh don’t be saying anything…..well to anyone else then! :-)
SO as you can see the emotions are a bit intense to say the least! Sometimes it feels like it is too much for the human body to take. Between my Higher Self knowing that all is well and Andrew is doing great & still with us, to the deep despair as a mother missing her son. A son who she was so close to even as a teenager. A son that didn’t pull away from his parents but only loved them more at 16! A son who still hugged and kissed both of his parents….IN PUBLIC as a teenager! A son who would still go on lunch dates and TALK to his mother & go grocery shopping & run errands with her. AND not just chat but talk the most profound information way beyond his years. He ALWAYS opened my car door for me even when he was weak from chemo when he came home for 6 days & we went out, he insisted on it! Even when we took him to the clinic the day of his diagnosis he opened my car door! He always made me feel special! A son who tucked in his parents every night! That’s right! Andrew would tuck Martin and I into bed every night up till he wasn’t feeling well and we had our special good night chant. That’s the part of me that struggles with all of this. I miss him so much, it’s too much to bear! How is a mother suppose to say good bye to her 16yr. old son!?? A son who touched everyone’s heart that he met. I just don’t know how a mother is suppose to move past this!
As you can see there is an ocean of deep, intense, emotions! So if you don’t hear from me, I’m just trying to sort it all out. Thank you for coming along for the ride. I know it isn’t easy! BUT……
IT’S ALL GOOD!