Sorry peeps for not writing anything today, even tho it’s still technically today. Yes, I have been struggling a bit. Especially yesterday, Monday. I was a mess Monday night, I ain’t gonna lie to you. None of this is easy! My mama gene took over full force yesterday. I wanted out of my skin so bad I couldn’t stand it! It just got too big the severity of all this. My sweet son is not here physically anymore! I just couldn’t stand it!

But here’s the thing. It’s a battle back and forth with my Higher Self knowing he’s so happy and doing so well and my Mama gene that’s wants him back so bad! I missed Andrew so much yesterday, I just couldn’t handle him not being here physically. I miss him everyday, make no mistake about that, but sometimes it’s worse than others. The forum was slow, my blog didn’t have a lot of comments so I had time to think. That’s not good people! I don’t need a lot of time to think! That can only lead to trouble!

Now that Andrew has left, the phone doesn’t ring much, people don’t call as much to see how we’re doing. I forget to call anybody. I lose all track of time. I put cream cheese in the freezer for chrissakes and wondered where my cream cheese went! I can’t believe it’s been a month since Andrew has left, nothing seems real. It’s one big mind F**K is the best way to describe all of this! I’m not gonna lie and sugar coat it. That’s what it’s like!

Martin and I laid in Andrew’s bed today to connect with him. Martin is helping me to connect with Andrew the way he does. Andrew gave me a few cool visuals. He showed me that when you want to see something it just appears. For instance, he showed me if he wants to go to the Akashic Records, (Records of everyone’s life contracts. Simplified answer.) it just appears to him. You don’t get in your car or on your broom :-D and go, it just appears to you. I thought that was cool.

Monday night in my tears of despair, I asked Andrew to give me a sign to hang on to. Something to let me know that none of this was for nothing. That indeed we are to carry on his messages of love, peace and joy. A reason we are suppose to stay, cause right then I couldn’t think of not one reason, nada, zippo! Well, I got my answer today! KC will never know how important her call was to me today! She is working on getting us a teleclass with a very high profile person who Andrew admired! I KNOW! Most of the people he admired have already crossed.

It was a definite sign from Andrew that Martin, him and I will be working together. I am not going to give away any details right now because it’s too early and too huge! Ok, only a few people know already that live close to me, but that’s it! So shhhhhhh don’t be saying anything…..well to anyone else then! :-)

SO as you can see the emotions are a bit intense to say the least! Sometimes it feels like it is too much for the human body to take. Between my Higher Self knowing that all is well and Andrew is doing great & still with us, to the deep despair as a mother missing her son. A son who she was so close to even as a teenager. A son that didn’t pull away from his parents but only loved them more at 16! A son who still hugged and kissed both of his parents….IN PUBLIC as a teenager! A son who would still go on lunch dates and TALK to his mother & go grocery shopping & run errands with her. AND not just chat but talk the most profound information way beyond his years. He ALWAYS opened my car door for me even when he was weak from chemo when he came home for 6 days & we went out, he insisted on it! Even when we took him to the clinic the day of his diagnosis he opened my car door! He always made me feel special! A son who tucked in his parents every night! That’s right! Andrew would tuck Martin and I into bed every night up till he wasn’t feeling well and we had our special good night chant. That’s the part of me that struggles with all of this. I miss him so much, it’s too much to bear! How is a mother suppose to say good bye to her 16yr. old son!?? A son who touched everyone’s heart that he met. I just don’t know how a mother is suppose to move past this!

As you can see there is an ocean of deep, intense, emotions! So if you don’t hear from me, I’m just trying to sort it all out. Thank you for coming along for the ride. I know it isn’t easy! BUT……


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11 Responses to OCEANS OF EMOTIONS!

  1. Joanie Light says:

    Oh, Honey! Sending you lots of love and hugs. I know you will have your down days, and it will be a rollercoaster. I have no idea how you cope and still keep a sense of humor. It is beyond anything I could imagine. I had another 22 day today especially when we went out to the icky place for our twice weekly visits. It’s very comforting to see these reminders that such a powerful Avatar walked this earth and is still willing to help us all. Much love to you, Sweetie!

  2. Leah Clark says:

    Connie – Rest assured that we are ALL understanding of how you’re feeling! It’s that dang human thing. LOL Please don’t ever feel like you have to be all sunshine and roses with us! (frankly, we wouldn’t recognize you if you were – hahaha) OF COURSE you miss Andrew being here physically! OF COURSE you’re gonna have days like this (mamma said, mamma said…) I’m sending you the BIGGEST HUGS and SMOOCHES and MORE HUGS!!!! We love you unconditionally!! and we’re here for whatever you need! Thank you for having the courage to speak your truth!!!

  3. Karen T. says:

    My heart aches for you and where you are right now, but I am so in awe at the same time. You have the courage to write and share even when it’s this intense. Hugs and much love to you Connie! I told you before that it’s okay to be a Mama.

  4. Karen says:

    My Darlin’ Connie…I just called to say, I love you, I just called to say how much I care, yes I do…I just called to say I love you and I mean it from the bottom of my heart :-).

    “It was a definite sign from Andrew that Martin, him and I will be working together. I am not going to give away any details right now because it’s too early and too huge”

    This my dear sister is what I feel will bring your greatest healing and peace in all of this experience…to talk proudly and loudly about your baby boy and his amazing presence both when here on Earth and most definitely there at home.

    I love you and Marts sooooooo much! Karen
    PS, Girrrrllll…Lake Tahoe is bloody cold…I don’t do so good in the cold, my joints say WT???? :-) Chocolate kisses…;-)

  5. Karen says:





  6. Anna Taylor says:


    It’s OK to not be OK! We are here for you whenever you share or when you can’t. I cannot possibly understand how you feel but I do so feel for you and I am sending you huge hugs and a hundred thousand angels to wrap you in their wings as you cry for your dear Andrew. We love you!

  7. Denise says:

    Darlingk sending you BIG HUGS and tons of love to you and Mart. Karen is right you need to talk proudly and loudly about all of this.

    I am so proud of you ,you are an Awesome Mama and an Awesome Friend


  8. Swati says:

    I knew you were not ok. You had not written in your blog was a sure shot sign. And I can feel it. I wish I could do SOMETHING to help you when you feel this way. And you are bound to feel this way once in a while at least. Most people who don’t have the level of awareness that you do will go through this almost all the time. Makes me thankful of where you are in your spiritual understanding.

    If you ever need proof that you and Martin ARE really helping people through your experience, just go to the board and see. Just read all your past blogs and see. Most “normal” people would be busy grieving and falling apart at this time. You both are busy helping all the rest of us heal through messages of love that Andrew sends. Did you read what Sabine had to say? She said exactly what I had been feeling and saying…that Andrew could be talking about the weather…it doesn’t matter what he really says, its the ENERGY that comes through his comunications that drowns us in love. Touches us so deeply. Just look at the service you guys are providing to people. I am amazed how you both can do that.

    I don’t blame you for wanting to end this life now. I would too. It can be way too painful over here. Despite knowing the “truth” about life and death, the missing of the physicality is excruciating. Don’t ask me how I know it. I just know how terrible it is. There have been so many times in my life when I have wanted to end it all. But you know somewhere you need to carry on for many different reasons. And I see your reasons for carrying on…so very clearly. When you are sad you don’t see it, but I know you see the reasons, your purpose, your work with Andrew when you are in a happier mood, when you are in the “upside” of the wave. I know you see it oh so clearly!! :)

    The phone doesn’t ring enough? LOL! Connie…be thankful I don’t know your phone number. LOLOLOLOL!!! Or you’d be contacting the police for setting up some restraining orders. And thank your stars you haven’t yet moved anywhere close to me. Or else either I’d be in your house in a heartbeat or you’d be held captive in my house! Its great that you do not have too much disturbance. It gives you time to practice your skills to connect to Andrew…to practice all that Martin is teaching you. You know, you have every chance of becoming as good as Martin, and one day you might be unable to figure out if the ones you are seeing are on this side of the veil or that! One day you might be able to see Andrew around you like you see Martin…while you are doing dishes or cooking or doing some regular stuff, it’ll become regular for you to see Andrew standing there, near you, leaning against a wall, chatting away with you. In fact I pray right now that that DOES happen for you. I know it can. It happens for some. So why can’t it happen for you.

    Sending you tons and tons and tons of hugs. Did you get them all?

  9. admin says:

    Thank you so much everyone!! I’m feeling the love! I appreciate you taking the time to post! It means the world to me….and Andrew! He appreciates it too! He wanted to make sure I said that!

    You are right Swati, it’s not that people are ignoring us, it was my own pity party talking. I went all out Monday & yesterday some too! :-D

    I am just so happy that I do have so many of you on this journey with me! And how do I keep a sense of humor through it all? Well if I didn’t, how many people would still be here?? Who wants to be depressed all of the time!? Ya gotta keep’em laughing! :-D Plus it’s just who I am. I love to laugh!

    Even in the hospital Martin and I would laugh when it got intense…well except on Oct 22, nothing funny about that! Actually that’s a lie too! Martin and I did laugh when we were alone w/Andrew after he ascended. Only because Andrew was being funny. :-D I mean the boy put a smile on his face!

    Ok, pity party over…. for now, time for a real party! Andrew’s friends are coming over to help put up the tree and I have food to prepare for it! :-) But first I must BLOG!

  10. admin says:


    GROUP ((((((((((HUG))))))))))


  11. Swati says:

    “It means the world to me….and Andrew! He appreciates it too! He wanted to make sure I said that!”

    Yes, I know that :D. Yayyy!! I can hear him too!! He said it again and again as I was writing to you above. I am sure everyone else could hear and feel it too. Give him tons of bone crushing hugs from me :D.

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