Here’s my disclaimer: I don’t usually share all my blog posts, and this would be one of them I wouldn’t normally share on other social sites. But I was informed that I need to share ALL of them, so I am. So PLEASE understand that the information here is MY truth and MY feelings. You don’t have to agree with it, just honor that this is MY process through grief and MY blog! SO if you read on, keep an open mind is all I ask. AND you might learn something. Or not.
I have mentioned before that Andrew will give us information as we can handle it. There has been so much to process emotionally with all of this, we just wouldn’t be able to handle all of the information about this journey with Andrew at once. I think we would explode if we tried. Well, I got a bit more information tonight, and Martin shared a tidbit of information back in October that blew my mind.
Tonight while watching “A Gifted Man,” there was an all too familiar scene for me. A woman was dying from rabies, I know! Right? Rabies? Go figure. While in the ambulance they were shocking her and doing compressions. SERIOUSLY! I really need to stay away from these damn medical drama shows. Seeing it first hand on Andrew was quite enough to last me a lifetime! Several lifetimes actually!
I decided to go in the kitchen to make brownies, somehow brownies make things a little better, while processing not only that whole scene with Andrew, but also I was thinking about his intubation. Don’t ask me why, it’d be too long to explain the chain of thoughts that led to that particular memory. As I was making the brownies, thinking about his intubation, and the opinion of some people about what Andrew was doing during that time in a coma, that’s when Andrew told me exactly what he was doing during his intubation. It’s amazing to me how I am getting the information directly from him more now. It’s pretty cool.
I explained before how Andrew told Martin that he was suppose to leave the first week of his diagnosis. Even the Dr’s didn’t think he was going to make it, which is why they didn’t give him a mediport until we came back to the hospital. The first 5 1/2 weeks he never had a mediport. I believe I explained before that while in my denial phase, I told myself it was because he wasn’t that ill and didn’t need one. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. But denial is a GREAT coping tool, for awhile anyway.
Martin and I just figured that in the beginning of Andrew’s illness, because we rose to the occasion, Andrew was allowed to stay here longer. Andrew informed me tonight what the REAL reason was as to why he got stay the extra few months that he did. He explained that while he was intubated he was actually renegotiating his Soul contract. He was buying us more time with him. Yes, it was only four more months we got, but it was certainly better than the 3 to 7 days in the original plan! In those four months, tens of thousands of people around the world were touched by Andrew’s journey by following this blog. I am certainly happy that we were given that extra time with him. Hard to believe that getting an extra few months with my SIXTEEN year old son is acceptable. But considering the alternative, it is.
Then in October, actually on International It’s All Good Day, we were at Modern Zen in Davie when something else came to light for me. Only 1 person showed for the concert so we just ate some cake that I got for the occasion and we talked with the 1 person and the few employees instead. That is when Martin informed me that not only did Andrew not want to sign his Soul contract, but the contract was in Martin’s handwriting! I looked at him in shock and said, “I thought it was us that didn’t want to do this, but he was coming here anyway to go through this experience, and we weren’t going to let him do it with anyone else. AND what? YOUR handwriting!? Please explain!” Martin said, “Yes, that’s true, we weren’t going to let him do this with anyone else, but Andrew really didn’t want to put us through this. He was going to go through it with someone else, that is why he didn’t want to sign the contract with us. So I wrote it up myself to show him we were serious about coming here with him.” Andrew figured he wouldn’t be here long, so why put us through all this.
Well, now it makes sense that when Martin was having a “Dad” moment, Andrew threw him the Soul contract across the table and said, “You agreed to this!” When Martin first told me that, I thought that just didn’t sound like our Muck, that’s not his style. But now I get it, it makes total sense now. Andrew tried to spare us all this grief before we even incarnated, but nooooo we HAD to insist on going through all this with him. What the hell was I thinking?! Like I didn’t already know what this dimension was like!? What’s the matter with me!? Andrew won’t be getting pimp slapped when I see him again. Ummm Nope! More like I’ll be pimp slapping myself for this lifetime! It will be like the bathroom scene in “Liar! Liar!” with Jim Carey.
Of course I still don’t get to see ALL of the bigger picture in all of this. That won’t happen until I get to cross over. But I have a sneaking suspicion that when I do get to look back on this lifetime, and after all is said and done, I will be able to say…
IT’S ALL GOOD!