I could use some insight. I was talking about it with Denise tonight. The Jekyll & Hyde thing is still going strong and probably will for awhile.
One of the consolations, apparently, of Andrew’s ascension is that we raised an Avatar! US! We were trusted with an Avatar! And we did an excellent job raising him! Ok, fine, now I don’t have my son here with me, now what?? I wonder if it was worth it. I see other mothers in the store with their teenage sons and my consolation to not having mine with me is that he is an ascended Avatar? WTF? *yes, another tantrum! foot stomping and all! Oh this one is a kicking and screaming on the floor one!*………………………………………………How was that Leah?? :-D
On the other hand my Light Worker side is honored, well so is my mama side. My LW side is grateful for the time we had. But my mama side is pissed & wants him back! What was all this for?? What’s the bigger picture here already?? I mean, this is a HUGE sacrifice! At least Mary had her son till he was 33!
I won’t be happy till everyone knows who Andrew is & we are delivering his messages on a bigger scale! That’s the only thing that makes sense to me for all of this. The Avatar leaves the teachers behind to continue his mission. I hope that is the case because I won’t be able to handle this if it isn’t. My life will just not make any sense. It will seem like I just came here to just be kicked around & hurt.
This past year alone I have really been beat up emotionally. First nearly losing Elatia & dealing with her health issues, then losing Andrew. And I thought last year was going to be incredible since I started it off it off with a sold out show in Jan. I thought it was a sign of things to come for a great year. Yea, the joke was on me! I started 2007 ecstatic & ended it devastated!
I had what so many strive for. I had it all! I have an incredible marriage, and great kids! Me, Martin and Andrew are so close, unlike any teenagers I’ve seen with their parents. I was feeling so lucky! All I was working on was my career. SO yea, you can be as grateful as you want, focused on the positive and you can still get shit on!
I wish I could be more evolved than this, I feel like I should be with all that I know. But that mama gene seems to trump a lot! The mama gene does not take lightly losing her baby!
I guess I just want to know that this wasn’t all for nothing. Not that all I get out of this is an empty room to walk by every day! I want more than “A job well done”