I could use some insight. I was talking about it with Denise tonight. The Jekyll & Hyde thing is still going strong and probably will for awhile.

One of the consolations, apparently, of Andrew’s ascension is that we raised an Avatar! US! We were trusted with an Avatar! And we did an excellent job raising him! Ok, fine, now I don’t have my son here with me, now what?? I wonder if it was worth it. I see other mothers in the store with their teenage sons and my consolation to not having mine with me is that he is an ascended Avatar? WTF? *yes, another tantrum! foot stomping and all! Oh this one is a kicking and screaming on the floor one!*………………………………………………How was that Leah?? :-D

On the other hand my Light Worker side is honored, well so is my mama side. My LW side is grateful for the time we had. But my mama side is pissed & wants him back! What was all this for?? What’s the bigger picture here already?? I mean, this is a HUGE sacrifice! At least Mary had her son till he was 33!

I won’t be happy till everyone knows who Andrew is & we are delivering his messages on a bigger scale! That’s the only thing that makes sense to me for all of this. The Avatar leaves the teachers behind to continue his mission. I hope that is the case because I won’t be able to handle this if it isn’t. My life will just not make any sense. It will seem like I just came here to just be kicked around & hurt.

This past year alone I have really been beat up emotionally. First nearly losing Elatia & dealing with her health issues, then losing Andrew. And I thought last year was going to be incredible since I started it off it off with a sold out show in Jan. I thought it was a sign of things to come for a great year. Yea, the joke was on me! I started 2007 ecstatic & ended it devastated!

I had what so many strive for. I had it all! I have an incredible marriage, and great kids! Me, Martin and Andrew are so close, unlike any teenagers I’ve seen with their parents. I was feeling so lucky! All I was working on was my career. SO yea, you can be as grateful as you want, focused on the positive and you can still get shit on!

I wish I could be more evolved than this, I feel like I should be with all that I know. But that mama gene seems to trump a lot! The mama gene does not take lightly losing her baby!

I guess I just want to know that this wasn’t all for nothing. Not that all I get out of this is an empty room to walk by every day! I want more than “A job well done”

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21 Responses to IT’S A CONSTANT BATTLE

  1. Swati says:

    Connie, how I wish I or someone had answers for you. How I wish we could rewind the time and this time make sure the story was written right. But thank God…Martin is there, and slowly but surely you will get your answers. I just pray you get the answers sooner than later. Andrew did say something about something thats going to happen soon enough? I hope he also meant that you will get your answers. And maybe even I am not evolved enough, but no matter what the reason, I don’t like it that a mum should lose her baby. Ever. For whatever reason. So I pray that the next best thing happens, and you are able to see Andrew easily…like Martin does…like Andrew saw the cosmos in the hospital. May your vision improve so much, may your hearing improve so much that you once again can hear him and see him…and touch him. I pray that your pain is eased. I pray that your happiness is returned to you. Now.


  2. Dana says:

    *Ditto to everything Swati said*

    *quote*The Jekyll & Hyde thing is still going strong and probably will for awhile.*quote*

    ummm…of course! That’s the human side of you and there’s no shame there!

    As my reiki teacher said, ‘Be gentle with yourself!’

  3. Jeannette says:

    Connie, I dont know about insight for you, but sounds like all the hurt and feelings you are having are so very normal.. Everyone says it takes time. Time, weeks, months, years.. WHO really knows.. I do know that I didnt like having my friends still have their mothers….when God took mine. 20 + yrears later, I still want her here to answer questions get advise etc. I
    do understand, LOVE is LOVE, whether for a parent, child, sibbling or a good friend…. I pray that Andrew will show you what is going to happen will happen soon.. And your love for him will help you each day as you make new steps into a new chapter in your life. You are on the right track, a few bumps in the road will just help make you stronger. Martin and Elatia, and of course all your friends, will be your strengh and help you each day… ONE DAY AT A TIME.. :-) ! ! ! !

  4. Lord Horus says:


    There is a theory about time that says, time is not linear as we seem to experience it. And that all of our lives past, present and future are really happening all together.

    Time appears to be linear to us observing it here because all the universe is stretched out over the center of the Universe like its a giant black hole.

    Some people have the ability to remember things so clearly as to actually relive them.

    I don’t know if being able to focus on your memories to the point of reliving them will help, but I know such things are possible.

    Perhaps it is something to consider.

  5. Kimberley says:

    “I wish i could be more evolved than this” well, I think you are very evolved and have taught some very valuable insight’s ! and it can’t be all for nothing.

    My heart aches for your physical loss and it isn’t fair and I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling., nobody can unless they’ve been there.
    You have such loving friends here and their posts are full of LOVE.
    Sending you extra Angels of comfort today.

  6. Dana says:

    *quote*There is a theory about time that says, time is not linear as we seem to experience it. And that all of our lives past, present and future are really happening all together.*quote*

    *nods* Seth (channeled by Jane Roberts) teaches that (too). Tis a bit of a concept to wrap our human minds around!

  7. Nancy says:

    Hi Connie,

    Just sending you love. And asking God,the angels, Andrew or whoever can answer best to help give you clear insights to this.

    Asking the angels to help heal your hurting Mama heart.


  8. admin says:

    Thank you everyone who still comes here to read and post. I know this isn’t easy on you either. You don’t have to come here, so I appreciate the fact that you do!

    Here’s the funny thing, my heart does not ache! It hasn’t since that Friday after he ascended. Andrew and Martin did a lot of work on it. I wouldn’t have lived with that ache for the rest of my life! It was way too much! It’s a testament to Andrew’s power!

    It’s so hard to describe what I feel. I do feel it in my solar plexus chakra very strong tho. I feel nauseas a lot. Altho it hasn’t stopped me from eating mind you but it has slowed me down a bit.

    I feel like I’m being pulled apart with all these emotions. On one hand understanding what this is all about. Knowing this is just a blip on the screen of life & we’ll be with him again in no time. On the other hand I’m mad as hell that it happened. Especially when I see parents that won’t step up to the plate for their own kids! They don’t deserve to have kids! It’s just one big mind screw for me!

    I know what u r saying Jeremy, I want to jump ahead or behind to another time that is happening but here I am. I guess in time I will be able to do more of the cool, fun, quantum stuff. Since it’s only been almost 11 weeks, I’m probably expecting too much from myself.

    I do have a brighter blog for later on for ya. After all I gotta keep ya wanting to come back! :-)

    We’re going to a free renaissance concert in a few so I gotta go and finish getting ready.

    Oh, BTW sorry about the typos! I’m tryin to go back and correct them. The keyboard doesn’t give the letters all of time even when I hit them. Arrrrrggggg!

  9. Leah Clark says:

    Connie – I love you. And I accept you, just the way you are, right where you are. I have no insightful answers, nothing that can make this better except TIME. So I will hold you in my heart, love you with all of my heart, and give you my heart in the hopes that in some small way it will lend you some strength, with the help of everyone else here, to hold on until enough time passes to ease the pain and hurt and frustration. HUGE HUGS going out to you, Martin and Elatia forever.

  10. Swati says:

    Dear Connie,

    You don’t have to write entertaining things or fun things here to keep me coming back. Same with most people here I think. We come here for you…to be with you, beacuse we love you, we care for you, and because we want you to know we are here. I know none of this can help with grief over Andrew. But still, we are not going to leave you alone. So do not feel pressured to write fun things.

    About time travel…I’m sure Martin will be able to help you out. He must be knowing how to do that. But I do hope you are able to see like him, so you can just tune in and then see exactly where he is, what he is doing etc. The magical mirror :).


  11. Jane says:

    **ditto what Swati said**.

    Please don’t ever think you have to be entertaining. You are keeping it real by sharing what you are experiencing. It’s ok. We love you.

  12. admin says:

    I love you too Leah! I am forever grateful for Karen T and I meeting at the myspace Sarasota mom’s group.

    Ahhh Swati I have to keep it light most times for me too or I won’t want to come here either!

    We are so very blessed to have so many people who love and support us!

    Andrew knows that this would be incredible hard on me and I know I’m a lot of work for him but…..TOO BAD! That’s what he gets for leaving so freakin early! He can handle it!

    GROUP ((((((((HUG)))))))))

  13. Sara-Ovationgirl says:

    Connie, I don’t know if I have real insight, having not been through such a loss. But I do know that when something upsets me deeply and I get really, really angry(rare but it does occur), the best thing I can do is try to channel all that energy I am raising(and anger raises a lot of energy) and put it into something good. So channel it into letting all know about Andrew. Channel it into getting the muggle things in your life back on track. oh and the best one, channel it into the imagination thing that Martin talked about. It is like truly wanting with all your heart to see fairies and the like. It needs energy behind the desire….You have the energy….

    Sending oh so much love your way–

  14. Joanie Light says:

    Connie..l love you because you’re you…real, honest and direct. I’ll keep reading and coming back because of that. You don’t have to be funny or witty. Just keep it real. I hope that you can find peace until Andrew reveals all to you.

  15. admin says:

    Mwwwwwaaaaaa Joanie and Sarah!

    Like I told someone awhile ago, “all I know how to do is be me.” I tried to be a kinder, nicer, me but it just doesn’t work for me. I attract the crazies when I do that. Plus I’d probably end up with a stroke or something! LOL AND I’m from New Jersey originally!

    I’m not cut out to be Ghandi or Mother Theresa. Even Andrew would get ticked at people! All I’d have to do to wind him up is mention one of his teachers from 4th grade! Or mention the kids in his old school. LOL

    Joanie, I will see you in Hawaii in Oct?

  16. Joanie Light says:

    Absolutely!! We’re gonna hula until the mongooses come home!

  17. Leila says:


    It’s not a matter of be evolved or not. It’s a matter of being a mother and missing your son.

    Much love and hugs to you pretty mama!


  18. admin says:

    Thank you all for understanding so much! It really does help knowing I have this much support! It means the world to me!

  19. Karen T. says:

    You being you is what drew me to you; I wouldn’t have come to your show in January without it. Never be any different than you’s beautiful! I know there are other people here that can say that the reason they are here now receiving all of this wonderful guidance, info, support, blessing and love, as well as here on the blog giving some back, is a direct result of coming to know you. I didn’t know Martin, Elatia or Andrew…had never even seen them. But because you are so real and funny and in-your-face and wise and Diva-ish and spiritual, etc. I came and now I know Martin, Elatia and especially, Andrew and the blessings of that just keep right on coming! You being you did that and I know it isn’t just me this is true for. So continue to be you, even when the Mama gene is raring to go double time….we’re all here and will love the hell out of you, even then.

  20. admin says:

    I honestly don’t know what I would do without all of you! SERIOUSLY! My family don’t come here anymore to see how I am doing. I’ve written some raw truths that wasn’t liked. Oh well, it’s my life! It’s my grief! It’s MY SON! And no, they don’t really call either. A call on New Years from my sister and niece and thats been it. But I’m use to that anyways. SO you guys are the ones that are ALWAYS here to see me through the good, the bad and most certainly the ugly! :-D For that I will always be grateful! AND blessed!

    The energy is set up that anyone who comes here and lends their love and support, leaves blessed. Our love goes with you! Your wonderful words touch my heart deeply!

    And Karen T (thank u for the T since we know so many Karens) All I can say is WOW! I mean, that has always been our goal w/our show! To touch people in a profound way that they leave feeling uplifted, blessed, and maybe somewhat changed for the better for being there. I told Andrew if he brings me the opportunities, I will continue the comedy! I think that’s fair!


  21. Karen T. says:

    We love you too Connie!
    And I learned a while back that you needed the T. when I called you and you said, “Okay, which Karen is this?”

    And as far as being uplifted and changed for the better goes…I was adrift for about 2 years for various reasons and you and Martin gave me hope and direction with your show! I am forever grateful for having met you!!

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