Sometimes you have to go back. Talk about an epiphany! WOW!
I started reading my friend Lisa McCourt’s book, “Juicy Joy” and doing some of the exercises. I am open to healing whatever needs to be healed so I can move forward with my heart’s desire, my soul’s purpose. I am so determined to figure out what the hell this pattern is of attracting people that just give us lip service and no action. Nine years of this crap is enough! We’ve got work to do dammit!
Martin, Elatia, Kaliana and I were at the quaint cafe Star Keepers tonight for the open mic. It’s a renovated 100 year old house. They have the open mic every Monday night in the back of the cafe. It has that backyard neighborhood feel to it.
While listening to the music, Martin and I were talking about possibly having to get a new car with the insurance money from an accident Martin had last week. He was rear ended and we thought all we would need is a new bumper, but the frame of the car might be very damaged as well. I LOVE my 2001 Lexus. My kids helped me pick it out for my 40th birthday, I carted Andrew and his friends all over in that car. Him and I ran errands and had the best conversations in that car. I took him home from the hospital for his six days in that car. I’m really tied to the car and the memories we created in it. Not to mention it still runs like a dream and hasn’t let me down in 11yrs.
I told Martin that I felt Andrew was telling me it was time to let go of the past and go for the new, including the car. He showed me that we have loads of stuff coming up, (I don’t have loads of stuff booked mind you) and we should have a new car to do it in. I knew Andrew was right, and he said he would be apart of getting this car too if that is what we have to do. But it doesn’t mean that I won’t cry if I have to let this car go though, it was my first luxury car.
Anyway, as Martin and I were talking about all of this, one of the singers at the open mic was singing a Dire Straits song, “Romeo and Juliette.” This singer has sung it before but this time it hits me between the eyes, or maybe the heart I should say. It’s a song Martin sang to me when I first went to Ireland to see him after 12yrs in 1988. I asked Andrew why did he hit me with this song, since we were talking about this stinkin pattern, and possibly needing a new car. Why a song from my past when trying to move forward? That is when I heard him say, “In order to move forward, sometimes you have to go back Pretty Mama.” Really? I think, “you gonna go all grasshopper/Kung Fu on me? C’mon!”
Well, yes he was! Then it hits me, Andrew brings me back to 1988 in Ireland and shows me a few things. He wanted to remind me of how I felt when I first went to Ireland. How excited I was about love and the future, before my heart got so broken. He wants me to go back and remember how open my heart was to the endless possibilities and feel that way again about my life so I can move forward.
Man! That boy is good! All of this happened in a matter of seconds under the clear, star filled sky twinkling and the trees blowing in the gentle cool breeze. It was a HUGE aha moment for me on this beautiful evening during a poignant song. It felt like such a gift! SO thank you Lisa for your “Juicy Joy” because that was indeed a juicy moment! Also Thank you Andrew! My Muck! My heart! â™¥ You’re a good son! I love you!
IT’S ALL GOOD!