Muck was at it again. He turned on the faerie light again yesterday for me, but he did more for me today. I went to the gym to work off the few, and I do mean a few, like 3 birthday pounds I gained for my fabulous 50th birthday, sooo worth it, when he sent me another, “Hi Pretty Mama! How’s it going?” sign.

Like I have said before, grief is a constant roller coaster ride. You’re  up, your down, your up again, you’re down again etc. etc. The other day was hard on me at work. I was on the verge of tears most of the day. I was resenting the fact that I still have to work at Olive Garden, and not do what I love to do full time yet, which is work with my son full time. But then I remembered how long it took me to even get that job, and I started to feel guilty. I don’t like feeling this way, but I don’t try to fight it either, I just work through it. I try to figure out what is really going on with me, what layer of crap I have to deal with, then deal with it and heal it if need be. Sometimes it’s just another layer of grief and I have to just ride the wave until it passes. I also up’d my herbs. I can take up to six a day and I only take two, so four might be in order. I’m not a doctor, but when you start looking for thick, heavy rope or an empty garage to park your running car in, yup! It might be time to up the herbs for mood elevation!

When I get in these moods, and wish I could say that it doesn’t happen that often, but that would be a lie, and I don’t like liars, I try to focus on all of the good things that are in my life, because there really are so many things to be grateful for even during grief. I don’t care what your situation is, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. So start thanking! Like now!

As I am walking to my car, I am thinking of all the things I am grateful for and just kept saying, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Even if you can’t think of anything, say thank you anyway. When I feel down, I work even harder on the attitude of gratitude. Believe it or not it does help shift the lower energy. It’s a good habit to get into. So I leave the parking lot and get behind this car that has an “Imagine” license plate, a classic Muck sign, and that gets my attention. I know when I see an “Imagine” license plate, that there is sure more to follow. I look around on the back of this car to see if there was more, and sure enough there was more. They had a Buddhist bumper sticker, a “One Love” bumper sticker, and a psychedelic frog giving the peace sign sticker. It had Muck written all over the back of this car! When I see all of this, it made me laugh, it felt like I was being tickled, but it also brought tears to my eyes as well because I could feel Andrew surrounding  me with his love. It is such a beautiful feeling, one I could get lost in, but couldn’t at that moment because I was driving. Certainly not a good time to get lost in a moment with my son, I had to focus on not hitting anyone instead, bummer.

Andrew was letting me know he appreciated my effort on being positive, even though I wasn’t feeling it. The messages on this car was like a reward for me. What I also got from Andrew was that it is much easier for him to come through to me when I am at the higher vibration of positive energy. I know all this, but sometimes you just need a little reminder that it in fact does matter where we keep our thoughts and energy. Yes, it does take A LOT of practice, and I did raise a master at it, so I should be really good at it by now, I know, and yet I am not. *hangs head in shame*

After all, I did see the master at work first hand, so I should be better at this being positive thing. You would think anyway. To watch Andrew walk his talk, and practice what he taught, even while going through aggressive leukemia treatment, well, it was awe-inspiring to say the least. But in my defense, he didn’t lose a child! OK, it might be a sorry ass defense, but it’s the only one I got. And all I can say to Andrew is, is one of his quotes, “Don’t be judging!” He only had 4 months of torture, and even then he thought there was more good days than bad.  I have the rest of my life of torture! BOOYA! Did I just try and trump a 16 year old that went through leukemia treatment and then pass from it? I believe I just did. *hangs head in shame yet again* Man! That mama gene is a bitch to deal with!

What’s the lesson here kiddies? Even on the shittiest of days, hang on, because this too shall pass.  And always try to keep a positive attitude as often as possible, because that is what will help dissipate the negative energy.  Oh yes, I know, easier said than done, believe me I know all to well, *ugh* but all we can do as humans, with intense human emotions, is try to do the best that we can. Every time we make a step in the right direction, even a small step like saying thank you,  it makes a difference, even if we get stalled for a little bit in the down side of life. “Imagine” that.  If all else fails, just simply saying thank you is what helps me get the ball rolling in making a difference in shifting the energy in the right direction, and I remember Andrew’s motto, even on his hardest days of leukemia treatment….


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