Well, that is what I’m working on saying no matter what, like Andrew did. I am still unable to answer “I’m Awesome!” when asked how I’m doing, unlike Andrew, who answered that ALL of the time! My answer is “good.” Andrew only gave that answer a day or 2 before he crossed. That’s how I knew he was really not feeling well at all when he said he was only doing “good.”

I’m hoping I can be like Andrew when I grow up! Every birthday, every Christmas, every Halloween, he said it was the best one EVER! When I said to him that he said that every year, he said, “Well, I mean it every year Mommy!” And in deed he did!! :-)
Andrew set such a shining example of how to live life to the fullest, even under horrendous conditions. Even having that shining example to follow, it’s still hard for me to say “I’m awesome!” Martin sez it, but I’m not there yet. In my defense, Andrew had a great childhood and didn’t have anything to heal from that, so he’s always been awesome, your honor. :-) Does it count that I am working on it? I hope so. This has been such a long road of healing and will spend the rest of my life coming out of it, it feels like.

I didn’t have the time to even get over the trauma of Elatia’s illness before I was hit with Andrew’s! That ain’t right! I mean, seriously! What kind of schmuck was I in a past life…or even this life?! :-0 At least with Elatia we were able to find out why she got the ovarian tumor and worked on healing those issues. With Andrew, none of the metaphysical reasoning regarding leukemia did not apply. “Blocking the flow of life?” Not even remotely close to describing our Muck’s state of mind! He was the happiest, healthiest, loving life person I knew here!

Right when my life was calming down and I was starting to get over the stress of nearly losing Elatia, I got hit with Andrew’s diagnosis, then crossing. SO yea, it’s gonna take me a bit of time before I feel safe enough to say “I’m Awesome!” BUT I can say….


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9 Responses to I’M AWESOME!

  1. Leah Clark says:

    You ARE awesome, Connie – whether you feel it or not! You sure do LOOK awesome, for someone having a “special” event coming up here soon… I still want that purple color in my hair… LOL!!!

  2. Swati says:

    I totally agree. You ARE awesome! I don’t know if I could laugh and make others laugh if I were you right now. Seriously. Think about it. What you do is not easy. Not “normal”. Not regular. I have no clue how you do it. And I know how much you hurt. And yet…you can still laugh through it all. You can still make people laugh through it all. Hats off to you Pretty Mama!!

    And about Andrew saying “Awesome” all the time….I swear to you….he has infected me BIG time. I have told you this before…but I’ll say it again. I never used to say this word so many times. But this word seems to be stuck with superglue in my vocabulary now. My most used adjective ever since he crossed over (cuz that’s when I got to know him unfortunately), is “awesome”. Its really really funny. I used to use other adjectives too before. LOLOLOLOLOL!! But now…its all AWESOME! LMAO!!

    You know the crazy thing? I am so intensely aware of your grief that it makes me want to scream….but at the same time when I think of him he really does not feel “crossed over” you know? LOL!! He feels so darned alive! Much more alive than most “living” people. And I know you know what I mean! LOLOLOLOL!! And anyone who is in touch with him or tunes into him…will easily see that huge grin (as I am seeing right now), and will know exactly what I mean. He’s awesome…what can I say? LOL!

  3. Leah Clark says:

    Pssst… Swati… I said she was awesome, but I’d NEVER call Connie normal!!!

  4. admin says:

    Psssst… Leah…read it again! Swati said I was NOT normal! LOL

    Thank you both for reminding me that it’s ok if I can’t say I’m awesome. I guess if I look awesome, that’s all that matters, right? ;-) As I start the slide into 50! The purple is fading fast since it’s been like 11 wks since I’ve had my hair colored! :-o That ain’t right!

    Also knowing that so many people have met Andrew since he left has helped me tremendously! It does my heart good knowing that people are getting to know him now. I won’t rest until I make Andrew famous! I want the world to know who he is! He still has a lot to teach!

    He is, without a doubt, more alive than most people I know! I know he’s more alive than me! That’s why I forbid anyone from using the “D” word in regards to Andrew because that is the LAST thing that he is! He may have crossed over, passed on, made his journey home, transitioned or ascended BUT he did NOT “D” he is NOT “D”! I don’t even know why we use that word, it’s simply not true!

    Maybe once I remember having an out of body encounter w/him like others have, I will be able to say I am AWESOME! Until then I am just good.

    Thank you both again for giving me some perspective on things.

  5. Leah Clark says:

    Yeah, we pretty much love you no matter what. :) You’re stuck with your stalkers!

  6. admin says:

    I have it in writing now!!! You can’t back out now! muahhahahahaha

  7. Swati says:

    And its 9:28 pm here…so 12:28 am for you….so its your birthday already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST CONNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! You have a birthday thread waiting on the ATP board as well :-))))). Have the nicest day!!!!

    Hugs, :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  8. Karen T. says:

    I’m thirding it….you ARE awesome to all of us that know you and it’s sooo okay if it takes a while for you to see it too. ;) Goodness knows it’d take me sooo much longer than it will you and has taken you to be where you already are. I also have no clue how you do what you do given what you’ve been through. Awesome fo’ sho’!!

    And it is amazing to have never physically met Andrew, yet I see his grin and I feel his presence and I get “answers” when I ask the questions, etc. He feels like someone I knew so much at times. Truly amazing!!

  9. admin says:

    Karen, that is what is so phenomenal about all this, how many people have met him & have gotten to know him since he left here! God/dess only knows its what helps me get through all this. It just proves that if we are open to it, life doesn’t end here, our loved ones don’t leave us, AND we can have a continued relationship with our loved ones if we want. While it may not be the way we want…the alternative is unthinkable! SO I will continue working on the new relationship cause that’s all I got until I leave here, and it is better than no relationship at all.

    So thank you to all of you for being open to getting to know Andrew, for wanting to know Andrew. We are ALL blessed by knowing him then and now! He is definitely a blessing to us all!

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