While Andrew’s letter on his journey home has helped me tremendously, I didn’t have a melt down in a week & counting! But being back in his room still makes me weepy. Weepy doesn’t count! Trust me! I decided to go through his drawers Tues. night and see what I can donate.

As I went through his clothes I would remember the times he would wear his t-shirts or shorts. Like the shorts with the paint stains on them from when we did his room last year. Yea, those stay. Or the pair of shorts I bought him a few years ago from Hot Topic for Christmas. I thought they were way cool. Even though they were small on him now and smashed his “cubes” LOL he still had them, so yea they stay too.

His t-shirts folded so nicely, like Martha Stewart did them herself. LOL They will remain undisturbed. I found even more socks that he stole from Wesley! He had 2 drawers full of them!!! LMAO! Yup! They are staying as well. I offered them to Wesley but he wants them to stay.

So I sat there going through his stuff laughing through the tears. I would look up at the poster my niece made of him for his celebration service from birth to present day, that’s hung by his dresser, telling him I wanted him back! Asking him how I am suppose to carry on without him here with us! “We are the 3 Musketeers dammit! Come back now! Listen to your mother!”

The 3 of us were together ALL of the time! I would ask him if he was sick of us yet. He’d say “How can I be sick of you and Daddy? I love you and Daddy so much!” I’d say “you’re a teenager, you are suppose to hate us by now!” Muck would say, “I couldn’t hate you and Daddy! I love you too much!” Then we would hug. I miss his hugs beyond words.

I did find some things to donate or find out who they belong to. He had shorts in there that are a size 38! Sooooo not his size. When his friends would come over to swim, they must’ve left their suits here. That’s one dresser down, the rest of the room to go. Make no mistake, this will ALWAYS be Andrew’s room. I’m only getting rid of the things that I know he would get rid of. It’s the warehouse where we still have our stuff packed for the move that never happened. He packed a lot of stuff. That will be hard to go through. There is just so much to deal with on so many levels when a child crosses.

Martin woke me up this morning and he said Andrew was lying beside me all night! I said “really?!” like he was lying to me or something. Martin “yes he did, I saw him both times I woke up in the middle of the night & saw him lying beside you.” Martin then asked “Didn’t you say you wanted him back? Well, there you go! He was doing the best he can” :-) Now it’s time for him to go back to turning on the fairy light again! (I wrote this before the last post and he hadn’t turned the fairy light on yet)
He’s a good child!


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7 Responses to HE’S A GOOD CHILD!

  1. Karen T. says:

    My mommy heart wells up every time you write about your struggles. Then I have to type to you through blurry eyes. I imagine you’ve done that a thousand times now. Hugs and love to you… I can’t imagine.

  2. Swati says:

    I don’t know how you are able to go through his stuff…the grief you feel at this time, doing this…I really can’t imagine how much strength you have to do this.

    Love and much respect,

  3. Leila says:


    Bless your heart. No mother should have to go through all that you’ve been through.

    Oh well, since I don’t run the Universe my say doesn’t count.

    Hugs & Love


  4. elizabeth says:

    You are a strong women i don’t know if i would have held it together as well as you, but he will always be with you…. in your memory, your heart, mind and soul…. now he is repaying you for all those years you looked after him… now he is looking over you! bless you!

  5. kimberley says:

    Oh, Connie,
    “NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!”, that’s all I can say.

  6. Pretty Mama says:

    It is SOOOOOOOOOO not fair! It’s total BS I say! Kimberly AND it’s only the beginning for me! AND you’re right Leah! NO mother should have to go through this! Thank you Karen, I know you understand! It just sucks!

    I need to meditate more and I’m starting next week after the ren fair. I found Martin’s meditation cd’s. I know this will help me feel better more of the time. More ups than downs. Looking forward to that!

  7. admin says:

    Well, the jury is still out on well I’m handling all this but thank you Elizabeth! I love how Andrew is always letting us know he is around.

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