While Andrew’s letter on his journey home has helped me tremendously, I didn’t have a melt down in a week & counting! But being back in his room still makes me weepy. Weepy doesn’t count! Trust me! I decided to go through his drawers Tues. night and see what I can donate.
As I went through his clothes I would remember the times he would wear his t-shirts or shorts. Like the shorts with the paint stains on them from when we did his room last year. Yea, those stay. Or the pair of shorts I bought him a few years ago from Hot Topic for Christmas. I thought they were way cool. Even though they were small on him now and smashed his “cubes” LOL he still had them, so yea they stay too.
His t-shirts folded so nicely, like Martha Stewart did them herself. LOL They will remain undisturbed. I found even more socks that he stole from Wesley! He had 2 drawers full of them!!! LMAO! Yup! They are staying as well. I offered them to Wesley but he wants them to stay.
So I sat there going through his stuff laughing through the tears. I would look up at the poster my niece made of him for his celebration service from birth to present day, that’s hung by his dresser, telling him I wanted him back! Asking him how I am suppose to carry on without him here with us! “We are the 3 Musketeers dammit! Come back now! Listen to your mother!”
The 3 of us were together ALL of the time! I would ask him if he was sick of us yet. He’d say “How can I be sick of you and Daddy? I love you and Daddy so much!” I’d say “you’re a teenager, you are suppose to hate us by now!” Muck would say, “I couldn’t hate you and Daddy! I love you too much!” Then we would hug. I miss his hugs beyond words.
I did find some things to donate or find out who they belong to. He had shorts in there that are a size 38! Sooooo not his size. When his friends would come over to swim, they must’ve left their suits here. That’s one dresser down, the rest of the room to go. Make no mistake, this will ALWAYS be Andrew’s room. I’m only getting rid of the things that I know he would get rid of. It’s the warehouse where we still have our stuff packed for the move that never happened. He packed a lot of stuff. That will be hard to go through. There is just so much to deal with on so many levels when a child crosses.
Martin woke me up this morning and he said Andrew was lying beside me all night! I said “really?!” like he was lying to me or something. Martin “yes he did, I saw him both times I woke up in the middle of the night & saw him lying beside you.” Martin then asked “Didn’t you say you wanted him back? Well, there you go! He was doing the best he can” :-) Now it’s time for him to go back to turning on the fairy light again! (I wrote this before the last post and he hadn’t turned the fairy light on yet)
He’s a good child!
IT’S ALL GOOD!