Here’s To The Night

*sigh* I wonder why certain songs hit me, then I remember what time of the year it is. It is that time of year when we were in hospital with Andrew six years ago. We were in hospital a few weeks already. I don’t even want to read in my book about what was going on, on this day. I’m sure it correlates to how I am feeling at the mo. I don’t want to add insult to injury.

Anyway, the song below reminds me of the night Andrew and I had our first slumber party in hospital. It must be close to the time when we shared this night because this song brings me to tears when I hear it even now. Yes, I know this song is about something totally un-related to how I connect to it. But for me, it takes me back to when me and my Muck had our first slumber party while in All Children’s Hospital. He was starting to feel a bit better after all the aggressive leukemia treatment. We were starting to get our footing on how to deal with this horrendous situation “our way.” Andrew had energy, and was excited to be feeling well enough to spend the entire night with me on youtube watching John Denver videos, chatting and laughing. It felt normal in a time where anything was but normal about our lives.

We had such a fantastic night! We felt so alive! I will NEVER forget that night as I looked at my beloved son, how excited he was to feel well enough to spend time with me. It felt like a real slumber party, even with the beeps of his monitors and the nurses and vitals tech checking in on him throughout the night. I knew how this was a moment so special, so beautiful, I felt so connected to my son on a level beyond words. It was the perfect mother and son time. The hospital, the leukemia, none of it existed that night. It was a moment in time I never wanted to forget, a night I never wanted to end. I remember thinking that if I could stop time, this is a moment I wanted to stop it. I reveled in every millisecond with my boy! Somehow I knew it was a moment in my life that I would cherish the rest of my life. And six years later it still holds true.

It was a time so incredible, a time that most parents can only dream of having with their kids, especially a teenager. It was like all the planets were aligned in our favor. It was a perfect moment in time! How blessed am I to even have had that night, let alone others! Leukemia couldn’t stop us from sharing such intimate, soulful, heart to heart moments.

Not only does the song remind me of the amazing slumber party nights with my Muck in hospital, it reminds me of the night I hope to have with him one day soon in my dreams. A night of astral traveling with him. A night of spending time with him like we use to, and remembering it. Just one night!

“Don’t let me let you go” “Here’s to the nights we felt alive” “Here’s to the tears you knew I’d cry” (my version of the song) “Don’t let me let you go”  “Here’s to goodbye because tomorrow’s gonna come too soon…” And it did! :’-(


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