As some of you may know, ;-) I have been struggling with everything that has been going on. I’ve been hit with a ton of crap since Andrew ascended. You’d think I’d be thrown a bone, a break, a reprieve, but no, just more crap to deal with! Sometimes I’m ok and other times I’m a complete and utter mess! I know it is to be expected but it still sucks! I am on the edge.
It’s hard for me to focus on anything. I write here and wonder what the hell was that?? Did I leave my body?? Did I just channel some entity from another dimension that doesn’t speak the language?? It is complete and utter gibberish! I write things that make no sense! If I didn’t know better I would swear I was having a stroke sometimes when I write! It’s only because I go over and over and over again what I’ve written that this blog is some what comprehensible. After I post it, I STILL have to go over it and correct my writing. It just shouldn’t be that hard with spell check!
I forget things easily. I’ll have a thought and it just leaves my head and I haven’t a clue what the hell I was going to say or do, even in the middle of a sentence, unless I say it over and over again in my head. That’s one reason I haven’t gone for even a waitress job. 1. I HATE waitressing but 2. I think I would have a break down at the job because I would get easily disorientated.
I don’t take the full dose that I would like to of my herbs for a mood elevator because I’m trying to make them last longer because I don’t want to be w/o them. That ain’t good as it could cost some stupid person their life! I need help with my Jekyll & Hyde syndrome.
BUT help is on the way! Denise is coming over tomorrow night to give me a Valium accupressure treatment! SO maybe I can actually chill out for a bit. I’m hoping I can get a reprieve emotionally for a little while so I can focus on more positive things. Here’s hoping!!!!
IT’S ALL GOOD!
Sweetheart…you are doing the very best you can and we all here think you are just PERFECT…memory loss and all :-)
“Denise is coming over tomorrow night to give me a Valium accupressure treatment!”
God bless Denise and her magical healing touch. Clinkin’ glasses with you…here’s to an emotional reprieve…I love you Connie girl, I always have and I always will.
WOW! I did it again! I wrote something and it just disappeared. Oh well.
Thank you Karen, I love you too! I am really looking forward to Denise’s voodoo mojo tonight! Elatia and Ed are coming over for dinner and getting some voodoo too but I’m going first!!
Sounds AWESOME Connie! There’s something in the air alrighty! I’m just getting over being sick and Swati and her family still are sick! :( There’s some kind sludge energy that has to be moved! I know you’ll feel heaps better after Denise works on you!
And I always enjoy your blogs!
You might also consider giving the muggle-healers a chance to help. Do you have a regular physician? Is there a Free Clinic available to you if you don’t? I worked at one as a volunteer and I was so impressed by the doctors that VOLUNTEERED. Maybe I’m wrong in this…the level of distress you’re describing could be depression. Some people experience irritation as part of depression. The memory stuff can be depression and complicated grief.
I don’t mean to put labels on you. But sometimes we need to put sticky notes on our maps to see where we are. It’s just an identification of a certain location at a certain time. And if you’re stuck, sometimes you need someone to help with the board and rock to get the tires out of the mud. Phew! And then you’re on your way and you can throw that sticky note in the recycling.
I have been keeping Swati and her family in my prayers and sending them lots & lots of love!! I miss my stalker! :-( Everyone send Swati lots of love!
Oh w/o a doubt Leo I am dealing with some depression. I finally said it out loud yesterday. Getting the news last week was hard about the other kids. A few of Andrew’s friends are really struggling with his leaving & that just gets to me. I started to cry out of the blue & I didn’t see that one coming when I told Leah about his friends last night. His girlfriend is not only dealing with her loss of Andrew still but her idiot parents that won’t get that crap together. I am on circuit overload with all this stuff! It’s just waaayyyy tooo much!
Also the fact I’m not out there doing what I love, that’s part of it too. I am a comedy ho and performing is my crack! And I ain’t got my crack! I gots to have my crack! Performing and making people laugh makes my heart sing! It’s what I came here to do. And I’m not doing it near enough! Although I just got an e-mail this very second on a place in Tampa I e-mailed last week. See?? My whining is paying off! Thanks Andrew!
I don’t have a physician and don’t know of a free clinic off the top of my head. But here’s the deal, do you think a muggle counselor at a free clinic could really help me? I need someone who really understands where I’m coming from, someone who is psychic themselves. I’m not your typical grieving mother. I KNOW where my son is, I KNOW who he really is. Can you imagine me telling a counselor that I KNOW my son is an Avatar and he’s getting my castle ready for when I get to cross and go home???!!! How do I know? He’s given us a tour of the castle! LOL Hmmmmm might be worth the visit just to see that look on their face!!!! WOW! I’m feeling better already thinking about! LMAO! :-D I mean, my own family don’t believe me! I KNOW I get messages from him and feel him touching me. I KNOW we’ll be working together with him, it’s just not happening quick enough for me. So I know that is part of the depression.
I also know if I could take my supplements the way I want I’d be feeling better more often. Believe me Leo, I would love to get some help but I know it has to be the right person & around here I don’t know of any. If I was in So-Cal I would know I could find any number of people to help. I also need the money to do it and when I get it I will do it. I’d loved it! I’m no martyr. I know I need help! Thank you Leo for your love and concern!!!!
WOW! I’ve never heard of a valium acupressure-is that Connieism for acupressure? LOL I like it! May it bring you deep rest and peace.
Connie, it’s difficult for the herbs to work if youâ€™re not taking the proper dosage. You might think you’re making them last longer but in reality your not getting the proper amount for them to do there job ;-(
You know what a wise one. (Dr.) Leo is. She speaks from love, knowledge and experience. You can also try some of your local temples/churches for a referral. Locally here the Jewish temple arranges for X amount of free sessions for people in need. They donâ€™t require that you are a member of their temple (or jewish). Itâ€™s just their way to give back to the community. (Besides I think Diane Stein is a *Jewish witch* ;-) )
Itâ€™s All Good!
Love & hugs,
((((Connie)))) we were posting at the same time….
Praying, Seeing and knowing that you will be guided to the *right* healer/therapist (and one you can afford!) now!
And so it is!
Keeping Swati and family in my prayers and sending her oodles of love and light.
You may want to look into practitioner’s from the Barbara Brennan school which, is in Florida. I see a practitioner who graduated from her course here in NC and she is FABULOUS! Very psychic and uses several healing modalities. The website is http://www.barbarabrennan.com/studentsalumni/overview.html
click on graduate and pick your state and it will give you a list of practitioners or maybe call the school and see what they can offer ?
Enjoy your treatment tonight.
LOL LOL Leila! One thing you won’t find here in the Bible belt is a Jewish Witch! See?? Cali has it all!! I miss Cali!!!
With the supplements I’m taking, I’m taking the minimum suggested dose but I think I’m just gonna up it to the maximum and just know it will be ok & I’ll be able to get them when I need them.
I will look into that Kimberly, thank you! Sounds interesting. Thank you Leo for your leads as well. You have been so helpful.
Connie, you are so welcome. The sessions I’ve had are the best healing work I’ve ever experienced. In the course they are taught to connect and work with their Guides. I have learned a tremendous amount from Annette. It’s difficult reading about how your feeling and just trying to offer any suggestions that may be helpful. If you would ever like me to send you healing let me know and it would be my pleasure.
Hugs to you
It may also be a good contact for your comedy show?
Thank you Kimberly! Hmmm a possible comedy contact too?? I will definitely have to check the school!
“LOL LOL Leila! One thing you wonâ€™t find here in the Bible belt is a Jewish Witch!”
ROFLAO now That’s funny! :-)
I know everyone means well who is directing the Pretty Mama to go to a Muggle Dr. but from my experience the only thing they know how to do is prescribe drugs. Yes shes dealing with depression but chemical drugs are not for everyone in fact they can push some people further down the hole or over the edge. It is sad but really thats all Muggle Doctors can do, is give out prescriptions they have no other course of treatment because they do not understand the ways of healing with energy, and unfortunately they are only treating symptoms not the cause and worse their drugs do more harm than good on most counts.
Something that a lot of people may not know but nearly 80% of all the drugs manufactured come form snake venom. Obviously they are altered with other chemicals to create something different but if the base of the “medicine” is poison… makes you wonder.
Most “Medicines” are not made with plant based substances because it is harder for them to get a patent on anything that is made with natural ingredients. No patent means less money because then anyone could make it. Less money means pharmaceutical companies are not interested in making medicine… thats why they make drugs.
I’m sorry to go on a rant here, I know everyone means well, and I know it is scary to think about some of the things I just mentioned but it would do everyone well to look into those topics. Mother Earth can provide us with a natural remedy for anything we are going through that does not have horrid side effects you only need to know where to look.
I think under the circumstances Connie is doing the absolute best that she can and we are all holding out for that miracle boost especially where the finances are concerned. So if Spirit is listening… We could really use some good cash flow right now… That would take care of about 90% of what ails most of us.
Anyway…. thats my rant.. Love you guys.
I canâ€™t speak for anyone else but myself ;-) — Iâ€™m a big believer in therapy. Therapy with the *right Dr*. There are many, many gifted, knowledgeable, compassionate, loving healers out there that also have Dr. in front of their names. (PhD does not have a license to prescribe meds there are some laws being changed regarding this though). Itâ€™s not about *needing* to have PhD/MD behind a name to be an amazing healer. (I have and do use all types of healing modalities that can/do have instantaneous healings.)â€” This is not about the whole pharmaceutical-imho- mess. Itâ€™s about being open to help when available –not closing doors because of stereotypes. I was in therapy off an on for over ten years in my thirties. It saved my life. It helped me face, release and heal a ton of crap. My therapist was the most incredible intuitive *mugle* (whatever that really means??) Dr. In the middle of therapy my then husband wanted to place me on meds-because He couldnâ€™t handle me LOL. My Dr. told him that would be the worst thing for me for many reasons. Not all Drs are drug happy. I believe if someone chooses to go the therapy routeâ€”not saying that is the only way to go- Ask and God will guide you to the *right* help for you.
Yea, not a fan of the ole drugs Jeremy. They usually send me on a rant as well! :-) When we were in England and Jude’s dear friend committed suicide. He came thru immediately to Martin & told him it was the anti depressants he was on, he wasn’t in his right mind. Jude confirmed he had been on them. I don’t trust drugs and how they will effect me. It’s not drugs I need anyway, it’s doing what I came here to do with Andrew where he is, is what I really need.
I know some people do very well on anti-depressants and praise Allah they do! :-D But for me, I know I just need to feel my way through this and not cover up or mask my real emotions. Martin and I have suffered a HUGE physical loss when we lost our Andrew. He was more than a son, like Steve Irwin was more than a husband to Terri.
For me what compounds going through such trauma is all the other BS we have had to deal with! We’ve had to start from ground zero to build ourselves up again and it’s taking longer than we thought. We were suddenly thrown into the outside world with no financial support and Martin has been scrambling since to get us back on track. With what we have to offer, it just shouldn’t be this hard!!! I don’t know anyone who could go through what we have gone through this past year and still be standing & do it without drugs & w/o counseling! I can’t even count the people I know on anti depressants that have an 1/8 to deal with that we do! They’d blow their brains out with my life! :-)
I want to keep my house! I can’t handle another loss! SO yea, the thought of possibly losing my house compounds the grief! Separately I can handle it but BOTH at the same time?? How much am I suppose to take? Like losing my son wasn’t enough???! It’s just too much! That’s why I wonder WTF was all this for and I just want the nonsense to stop! And our lives to begin with Andrew and what we’re suppose to be doing together.
I will look into the Dr’s recommended Jeremy when I have the money…in which case I probably wouldn’t need them as a lot of the burden would be lifted and I could afford my herbs no probs. Leo knows what kind I’m looking for anyway, we are on the same page with that. Plus Kimberly gave me a great reference too I like what they teach. Although I think a weekend trip to a nice spa retreat would be da bomb! That’s what I’m working on manifesting! A get away to just be.
Martin and I just want to get out there and do what we do best! Entertain and teach!!
Some how I missed your post Leila. I think therapy is a wonderful, beautiful thing. I’m just unable do it right now. I know in my area I would be hard pushed to find the right Dr. that would ‘get’ who we are, that’s why I appreciate Leo’s referrals. If I was in So-Cal I would know who to go to and I may even do a phone session when I am able. For me, a muggle Dr is one who is not in touch with the metaphysical side of life and healing. I want someone who is in touch with their psychic side.
Losing a child is the hardest thing to go through and it ain’t pretty. I don’t care how enlightened you are! That’s a fact, there’s just no easy way around it. Even with all that I know, I am a mother first, light worker second. It’s a constant battle between missing him beyond belief but knowing where he is, a place where we spend most of our time’ anyway, feeling him touching me, and seeing the things he does around the house.
There are so many emotions that go on at one time, I can’t stand being in my skin sometimes. That’s just how it is. So I blog and I blog and I blog. This blog has helped me tremendously. I should say that all of you being here has helped me tremendously. :-D
((((Connie Sister Friend))))
I can not imagine the agony of the loss of a child. So what if you can still see, hear and feel him-itâ€™s not the same as Andrew being here in the 3D. So what that you, Martin and Elatia are highly evolved and very much *aware*–it still hurts unbelievably deep, beyond words.
Connie, you just blog, rant, praise, laugh, cry, heckle and jeckle or is that Hyde??? ;-0 Do what you need to do to get through this. It is all good.
And yes it is much worse imho to have a *bad therapist* than to have No therapist. But what ifâ€¦..there is a compassionate, intuitive, get-it-type, affordable, enlightened therapist/healer in your area– whom just like youâ€¦ is in the area you are for a reason??? You three (plus the others here that live there ;-) canâ€™t be the only aware ones there. ;-)
Enough said. I donâ€™t want to shove anything down anyoneâ€™s throat. I trust that your inner wisdom and higher self will guide you to whatâ€™s best for You in this moment of time.
Connie, this may sound hokey but I know that God/Godess has a miracle with your name on it. You are being showered in love and blessings and you Will get through this and you Will be filled with joy again. Your life of teaching, making people laugh, living a passionate authentic life and many more things beyond your wildest dreams is in the manifestation process this very second. It IS happening Now.
Itâ€™s all good sweet sister.
Namaste, love and hugs
I believe you ((((((Leila!!)))) It’s good to hear someone else say it too! I do think there is a miracle with my name on it. I thought it had Andrew’s name on it bit I was wrong. Actually that’s a lie, we had many mini miracles happen.
I just realized why they didn’t put a port in him right away. I remember nurses asking when he got to the 2nd floor why he didn’t have one. I was delusional and thought it was because he was doing so well he wouldn’t need one. Now I know it was because they didn’t think he was going to make it out of the PICU the first time! We did amazing stuff in that hopsital!
Believe me, as soon as we get some breathing space, I will look into a therapist. I have to say that most of the people here are wanna bees. We saw it on our store, brunches we’ve been to. I was shocked and stunned to see this. But I trust Leo and I know she wouldn’t refer me someone she didn’t think would help.
Now remember Leila, we don’t even have a Jewish Witch here!!! ;-)