If you’re Catholic you’ll know the rest of that one. If not, consider yourself lucky! Didn’t mean to give ya the shakes if you’re a recovering Catholic either. My bad.
I have a confession to make, while I am doing much better, I have to admit that I still have my weepy moments. While I was cleaning today I talked to Andrew and wept a little bit. We would clean together. He liked doing that kind of thing with me and by himself. He had a touch of the OCD, just enough to make it useful to me and his friends. I was probably feeling that way because I was feeling him. Can’t imagine him missing a good cleaning session!
I cleaned his bathroom that still has his stuff in it. His tub was pretty dirty from the window being open & lack of use *wipes tear* The Listerine is his, he loved that stuff. He figured if he used it he wouldn’t have to floss. He didn’t like flossing at all. It’s comforting yet hard seeing his stuff knowing he won’t be using it anymore but I cant get rid of it either. Some things I have given to his friends that I know they can use. But I’m keeping the rest.
I wonder where we’d be now in his healing process if he had of stayed. I think about how I would still be taking care of him, helping him. I miss being able to do that. It is still surreal to me. There’s a part of me still expecting him to come home. But then I remember that this place isn’t the real deal, where he is, is the real deal. I look forward to going there one day. I’m actually excited about it. I want to get it right here so when I go back I don’t have a whole lot of BS to go through. That’s why I’m working so hard on keeping it together and not losing my marbles. I want to just kick back with Muck at the ole castle when I get there! I hope to hell I don’t have to grow old before I can get there!! And if I do, I better be having a freaking great time here dammit! Oh and look good and have all my marbles that I worked so hard on keeping!
As you can imagine the wind has been knocked outta me. Kinda feel like I’m down for the count. The consolation is that everyday I wake up I’m one day closer to being with Andrew! WOo HoO!
Switching gears now. You’d think being a comedian I’d come up with some clever segway to change topics but I got nothing, so switching gears will have to do. We’re doin our show again Friday at 9p.m. EST We will talk about current topics n stuff with the Muck.
I’ve decided on our first show I must’ve been channeling Colin Farrell. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! How good am I to be able to channel someone ALIVE! :-D *pats self on back*
Well I didn’t know what I was going to write about, didn’t have anything exciting to share, so at least gave ya something to go with your morning java.
IT’S ALL GOOD!