As I mentioned in the last post, Martin and I went to Steven Farmer’s Soul Calling workshop. Steven invited us to all of his workshops he was doing in Florida, but we just couldn’t make them with our schedule. When the Monday night one came up, we knew we wanted to make it because it was our last chance to see Steven for awhile. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen with the workshop since I just had a soul retrieval session, but that was not the case. Steven being a shamanic practitioner, he works a lot with spirit animals and Native American traditions, hence the shamanic practitioner, huh? Duh, I know. I just want to make it clear what he does for those that may not be familiar with this kind of stuff.
In the first meditation you go in to find who your spirit animal helper is going to be in helping you bring back this piece of yourself. In my meditation I saw my white wolf, but at the last minute he turned into a lion, and he was going to be my helper. Go figure, me being a red headed Leo and a lion shows up. What are the odds?
I thought maybe I was going to go back to a time as a baby when there was so much tension between my parents, allegedly. But that is not where I was taken. It actually kind of surprised me where I went, it really shouldn’t have been a surprise. It made total sense why I was taken to this time in my life. I think the surprise was how vivid it was and how much it made sense that I was there.
I was taken to when I was 8yo and in my top bunk. I stood there with my lion beside me and saw myself in my top bunk completely devastated because my mother had just informed me that my family didn’t love me anymore. That my grandparents & my 4 uncles didn’t love me anymore. They were a HUGE part of my life back then. My Uncle Guysie was my hero, my best friend, I really looked up to him, I wore muscle shirts like him, he was just so cool. Uncle Stewart, who had cerebral palsy, but was very functional. He was a phenomenal artist, he could draw so well. He was a playmate to us. Ok, he locked us in a shed one time and got my sister to try a cigar when she was 4or 5yo, but other than that, he was a lot of fun! Ok, it was fun for me too seeing my sister try a cigar at that age, I encouraged her as well because I wasn’t gonna do it! I called my grandfather “Daddy” but I knew he was my grandfather. I never knew my biological father, so it was my grandfather that stepped into that father figure roll. I thought he was a miracle worker because he could fix anything of mine that broke, AND make bird houses. He just fascinated me, I was in awe of him and thought he was magical. Until my step father took over and alienated my family from me.
When my mother delivered this bit of news, I remember crying, asking her, “Ma, (my grandmother) and Daddy don’t love me anymore? Even Uncle Guysie!?” My mother simple said, “No they don’t.” I don’t remember her comforting me and my sister at all. I was stunned! I was in shock at this news, how could it be? Well, when you have a manipulative step father who needs to separate you from your family so he can control and abuse you, that’s how it can be. And that is exactly what happened. Not long after that incident, my step father started molesting me along with emotional and physical abuse as well. Does the fun ever stop?! My childhood was stolen from me on that morning in my top bunk bed. No wonder I was taken back there in this meditation.
So, then I had to talk to my 8yo self and see if she wanted to come back to me. She did not. She didn’t trust me. Seriously? Trust issues? SHOCKING! Ok, even that made me chuckle typing that one out. My younger self asked why should she come back. I told her because I was in control now and I will protect and love her. No one was going to hurt her ever again. I could see she was starting to warm up to the idea, so I knew I had to strike while the iron was hot. I wanted her to connect to what I was saying so I looked into her sad, pretty blue eyes, I felt her pain, and put my arms out to her. It worked, she climbed over her bed guard and into my arms, wrapping her arms and legs around me, then she melted into me and we became one. After that, my lion escorted me out of that room and back to the workshop room.
I will spend the rest of my life taking care of and protecting that little girl. I promised her. If you had a hard childhood, nurture that child within you too! Believe me they need it, even now…and so do you!
IT’S ALL GOOD!