With so much to write I forgot to mention our final farewell yesterday at the hospital. We took Chrissy and Anne Marie there before the airport since it was on the way. They wanted to meet some of the people that took care of Andrew. It was bittersweet! Glad we didn’t have to be there anymore but sad for the reason why we weren’t there anymore. There are just so many emotions! I don’t knowhow they all fit into my body!
It didn’t take long for a crowd of people to surround us! It felt great to be surrounded by the people who loved & cared for Andrew. He effected so many people in a positive way. Pastor Dave, who was a God send, get it, Pastor, God send?? Never mind, I’m just up. Was a God send for Martin from the very beginning. He helped Martin be the rock that he was for me during all this. Dave was telling me how from the cleaning people to the secretaries were all effected by Andrew’s beautiful presence and his leaving. It wasn’t just the people who cared for him. It was amazing to see the love generated by Andrew in the hospital. A lot of people will be forever changed by knowing my son, my prince, my Avatar. I know, Avatar by the very nature means he was never mine to begin with. But he still calls me Mommy so there! :-)
AND today is the day we go to the”Ascension Home” or as Andrew reminded us that the first 3 letters are FUN in funeral :-0 Wonder where he gets it! ;-) But we go today to pick up his ashes. I ain’t gonna to lie to you. I was in his room last night having a melt down. It hit me hard again that he won’t be here physically ever again, and as a mom you NEVER get use to that. I can’t believe my 6 ft, handsome 16yr old boy, wait he’s correcting me, man, is coming home in an urn. An urn he picked out mind you. But that’s what my baby has been reduced to. How does a mother ever get over that?? I know it’s muggle (Harry Potter ref peeps for non magickal folk) thinking but the Mom Gene has muggle energy all over it! Sometimes it’s so overwhelming I just want to jump out of my skin. I can’t stand being in it. No, I’m not talking peppermint tea time…..(you’ll have to see my act to know what i’m talking about) but now that YOU brought it up hmmmmm ;-) …… So I am dealing with that today!
Here’s one of the lessons, it’s a simple one, I’ve mentioned it before but it bears or bares I can never remember which to use, the first one is an animal and the 2nd one I’d be naked, & no one wants that! Is there another one?? Never mind, anyway, it bears mentioning again and again and again he sez because it’s the simplest of lessons that are the most powerful and yet the most over looked & forgotten!
Andrew says that people are addicted to pain and suffering on this planet! He says that it’s most if not all people’s comfort zone. It’s the first place they go to. And once they get there they don’t like leaving it. They use it for excuses to not move forward (there goes my ascended son card excuse! DAMMIT!) & for bad behavior. Look around and you’ll see he’s right. How many people do you know that are stuck in complaining? How many people use drugs to dull the pain. Waaaaay too many. Some may have a chemical imbalance, he’s trying to be politically correct now. ;-) But why are so many people chemically imbalanced today than ever before??? It’s the comfort zone of suffering! We as humans like to bitch to one another is basically what he’s saying. Listen to people. Ask how perfectly healthy people are that have jobs, healthy kids ect are doing. See the answer. “Oh I’m hanging in there” that’s mine right now so I better stop that one! But my son just ascended! Pulling the A.S. card on that one!
I heard people bitch in the hospital about their jobs. They were healthy, they control what job they have. WHy not do something you love then? Because they’d have nothing to bitch about! I am w/a herb company & has products that changes people’s lives. I was shocked at how many wouldn’t stick to it even after they had phenomenal results because they were more comfortable bitching about their condition than being healthy!!!! It’s crazy!! SO I know what Andrew says is true!
Here my son was going through such harsh treatment that weakened his body. Actually ravaged his body between the leukemia and the chemo. Yet this kid said everyday that he was AWESOME! If he didn’t say AWESOME! He would say good. On his good days I knew he was really suffering. Only twice did he say he felt like crap. One particular day when Dr. Grana came in, Andrew had mouth sores so bad he couldn’t even drink let alone swallow! He told her he was AWESOME! Dr. Grana wrote that on his chart because she was amazed. A nurse came in because she saw his WHOLE chart and she had to meet the kid who said he was AWESOME after everything he had been through!
Even with what I’m going through, I do find myself wanting to stay in sorrow. But I have Andrew here to kick my muggle butt into the spiritual being that I truly am. He reminds it’s ok to cry as long as I don’t stay in it, I feel it and move on through it.
SO what’s the lesson here today kiddies??? HAPPINESS AND JOY IS ALWAYS A CHOICE!! ALWAYS!! BAR NONE! CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY! CHOOSE TO BE JOYOUS!! There is no opposite of JOY! If Andrew, Martin and I can do it in the ultimate in human suffering SO CAN YOU!!! NO EXCUSES! If I, the grieving mother, doesn’t get to use any excuse neither do you!
Remember…..IT’S ALL GOOD!! :-D :-D :-D :-D
How’d I do Muck???
He said “You done good Pretty Mama!” :-D