Grief is the gift that keeps on giving! Right when you think you have things under control, you get hit. I know this is something I have to live with the rest of my life and that sucks! But all I can do is deal with it as it happens.

I was going along my merry way on Tuesday, when BAM! Right up beside the head with grief. Like I said before, you just never know when it’s gonna strike! Usually I’m home or by myself BUT sometimes it hits you in public.

Tuesday morning was a great morning. Martin and I had fun just hanging out kidding around before he had to be on line to work. I was feeling pretty darn good! I went grocery shopping and since it was cool enough I decided to stop off at Big Lots. I  was looking for some sconces for my living room wall, to go on either side of Andrew and Martin’s cd picture we had blown up to 18 inches in diameter for a frame I bought from the antique store.

As I stand in line, I notice the people in front of me. It was a mother with her 12ish year old daughter and her 16-17yo son. I looked at her son and BAM! It hit me! This kid reminded me of Andrew. He was tall and lanky, long fingers, and his energy was just beautiful. It was when the mother leaned against her son the tears started. It reminded me of Andrew and I standing in line together at stores and he’d have his arm around me or I’d lean against him. I was so glad I had my sunglasses on. I cried all the way home, just like the little piggy! I just miss my Muck so much!

BUT it wasn’t just me this week. Elatia had the same moment I did while she was in Vegas. She was at the Excalibur Hotel, the hotel Andrew wanted to go to when he got to go back to Vegas, which never happened. Her friends were in the room at NY NY sleeping. I taught Elatia that sleep is for losers when you’re in Vegas! :-D So she went out and about to different hotels. She ended up at a slot machine at the Excalibur and she got this overwhelming feeling of Andrew that it brought tears to her eyes. It’s a combination of feeling his amazing energy and missing him so. She sat at the slot machine crying. BUT she won $40 at that slot! Nice one Muck!

I was glad that it wasn’t just me this week that had a Muck moment in public.


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2 Responses to DAMMIT!

  1. Kitty Billington says:

    Bless Your Heart, I will pray for God to help heal your heart, Martins and your families hearts. I know from other people who have lost a child, it is the Hardest of all to endure. Nothing I or anyone else can say will take the empty feeling away, I wish I could. I just hope he visits you very often and maybe that will help. Love is eternal and he will always be in your Heart, a part of you and Martin.
    I too lost someone very dear to me, she passed away at 28, her husband took her life, their 2 yr. old boys life and then his own. He was a drinker that blacked out, the day she was packing up some things and was going to leave him, he came home early. I won’t go into detail. Later, I was asked to go to the house by her family ( I was her best friend ) who lived out of state and I couldn’t refuse them. We went in the house and the police didn’t tell us the crime scene was the same as the day it happened..oh my lord! We were all in shock but the worst part was witnessing her Mom just fall apart and screaming Angie’s name. I witnessed her Moms heart being broken, it was the most tragic thing I have ever seen and experienced in my life and there was nothing I could say or do to ease her pain.
    Nobody should have to mourn the loss of a child, I have many questions to ask God when I see him. One of them is why life has to be that painful. I don’t think it should be that way, I think we would still appreciate Heaven just as much with out the overwhelming heartaches in life. We would still appreciate our loved ones just as much too. Just my take on it, I don’t think children should have to suffer either as they are the innocent ones. It’s true life isn’t fair and if we could change anything it would be that life is fair. Only murderers could kill other murderers and so on but the World is not a perfect place.
    Do you believe we write our own charts for our life and decide what lessons we need to learn before we come here? Who our parents are going to be? I am not sure on that one, not sure that it rings true for me. We are all entitled to our own opinions so how ever you respond won’t offend or start an argument….I do not like to argue. Peace and harmony is me all the way!
    Healing and Love to you all,

  2. admin says:

    It is the hardest thing to go thru w/o a doubt Kitty. And for your friend’s mother to lose both her daughter and grandchild, well that is incomprehensible!

    While we don’t believe everything that happens in life you sign up for, we do believe there are certain things that we do agree to experience, and want to experience when we come here. Before we arrive here we see the bigger picture. When we arrive here, the picture gets smaller and smaller. With Andrew, he told Martin after he crossed, that the 3 of us agreed to this journey. The human side, the mama gene struggles with it, the Light Worker part of me sees the magnificence of it all. I know God didn’t give my son leukemia or take him from me. It just doesn’t work that way. I think for ppl it’s easier to blame something beyond themselves for the tragedy they experience than to take a look at the bigger picture of what it might really be about. I know that my son didn’t come here to fade away & will spend the rest of my life sharing his philosophies and teachings.

    Thank you for taking the time to post and sending your love, I really appreciate it.


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