Well this is a change for me. This post isn’t about me and my grief for a change, but instead about Martin’s. He’s been dealing with the grief so much better than me, but it just goes to show that NO ONE is beyond the grief of losing a child no matter how good of a medium you are!
Elatia has the opportunity to go on a FREE cruise to the Bahamas with her father. Martin was dead set against it from the get go. He said no good could come from it and she shouldn’t go. I couldn’t believe how Martin was so against her going. He even got upset when he learned she was going anyway. He was being so unreasonable! I couldn’t even talk to him about it.
Me and Elatia talked about it and realized where it was coming from. I also told her her that he wasn’t ready to hear it. I told her when the time was right, I’d discuss it with him. Andrew beat me to it as you will read.
Martin has always had to take a back seat when it came to Elatia and her father. Martin was ALWAYS there for Elatia growing up, all the parent teacher meetings, recitals etc. But when her father was in town, Martin had to step aside. Having Andrew changed that for him. He had his own biological child that he didn’t have to step aside for anybody! Now that child isn’t here anymore and he resented it and was angry about that. He raised Elatia and didn’t want anyone stepping in anymore, after all Rory, Elatia’s father, has 2 other kids, Martin wanted Elatia all to himself! He felt his fatherhood being taken away again. Understandable really.
Sooo, in steps Andrew. Martin was on the computer today going to some website, and out of the blue a website with a cruise ship shows up. Martin looks at it and thinks “WTF??? Why is this here?” Then he hears Andrew, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy….” Then Martin gets a phone reading and Andrew switches gears on him and helps Martin with the reading. When he gets off the reading he hears Andrew again, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,..we need to talk.” Martin asks, “About that cruise ship?” Andrew answers saracastically: “Yea, that cruise ship Daddy.” Then Andrew went on to explain what Martin’s issue was with Elatia going on the FREE cruise with her father. Martin had a light bulb moment.
Later tonight when we came home after the Irish Rover, Martin told me about his conversation with Andrew today, and how he wants to apologize to Elatia for being unreasonable. I told him that I had talked with Elatia and explained where this was coming from and that when the time was right, I’d discuss it with him. I’m glad Andrew beat me to it.
You just never know how or when grief is going to hit you. It can really sucker punch you at any given moment, especially when losing a child. It is leering at every turn ready to strike. It shakes you to your very core. You are NEVER the same afterward…EVER! I wish people would get that, but most don’t. So we just keep cruising along doing the best we can.
IT’S ALL GOOD!