Well this is a change for me. This post isn’t about me and my grief for a change, but instead about Martin’s. He’s been dealing with the grief so much better than me, but it just goes to show that NO ONE is beyond the grief of losing a child no matter how good of a medium you are!
Elatia has the opportunity to go on a FREE cruise to the Bahamas with her father. Martin was dead set against it from the get go. He said no good could come from it and she shouldn’t go. I couldn’t believe how Martin was so against her going. He even got upset when he learned she was going anyway. He was being so unreasonable! I couldn’t even talk to him about it.
Me and Elatia talked about it and realized where it was coming from. I also told her her that he wasn’t ready to hear it. I told her when the time was right, I’d discuss it with him. Andrew beat me to it as you will read.
Martin has always had to take a back seat when it came to Elatia and her father. Martin was ALWAYS there for Elatia growing up, all the parent teacher meetings, recitals etc. But when her father was in town, Martin had to step aside. Having Andrew changed that for him. He had his own biological child that he didn’t have to step aside for anybody! Now that child isn’t here anymore and he resented it and was angry about that. He raised Elatia and didn’t want anyone stepping in anymore, after all Rory, Elatia’s father, has 2 other kids, Martin wanted Elatia all to himself! He felt his fatherhood being taken away again. Understandable really.
Sooo, in steps Andrew. Martin was on the computer today going to some website, and out of the blue a website with a cruise ship shows up. Martin looks at it and thinks “WTF??? Why is this here?” Then he hears Andrew, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy….” Then Martin gets a phone reading and Andrew switches gears on him and helps Martin with the reading. When he gets off the reading he hears Andrew again, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,..we need to talk.” Martin asks, “About that cruise ship?” Andrew answers saracastically: “Yea, that cruise ship Daddy.” Then Andrew went on to explain what Martin’s issue was with Elatia going on the FREE cruise with her father. Martin had a light bulb moment.
Later tonight when we came home after the Irish Rover, Martin told me about his conversation with Andrew today, and how he wants to apologize to Elatia for being unreasonable. I told him that I had talked with Elatia and explained where this was coming from and that when the time was right, I’d discuss it with him. I’m glad Andrew beat me to it.
You just never know how or when grief is going to hit you. It can really sucker punch you at any given moment, especially when losing a child. It is leering at every turn ready to strike. It shakes you to your very core. You are NEVER the same afterward…EVER! I wish people would get that, but most don’t. So we just keep cruising along doing the best we can.
IT’S ALL GOOD!
I don’t get why people don’t get how much losing a child affects a person. I can’t even imagine the grief. I guess I don’t get how much it really hurts because I have not been thru it and you really cannot know unless you’ve been thru it. But I do get that there’s nothing that can hurt worse. I know there can’t be. To expect a person to ‘get over’ losing a child is ludicrious. **hugs**
And I think you have both done an excellent job so far. Hugs to Martin this time. I’ve never felt the need to send one until now in his direction. I feel bad thinking that I just never thought of him as needing one with the power of his gift of connection. But when I stop and make myself really think about the loss you two have suffered on a physical level…no one can be above that. Hugs to you both.
Thanks Karen, Martin could always use a hug. As great as his connection is w/Andrew and they talk all of the time, not being able to hug him does get to him from time to time. It’s like when your child goes off to school far away. Sure you talk on the phone a lot but you miss them beyond belief! You miss them not being home. Only we don’t get holiday and summer visits. :’-(
On the up side, we don’t get asked for money or get the dirty laundry? Rather have that! But even w/Andrew being on the Other Side now, we have a closer relationship with him than so many parents have w/their kids that are here.
Thanks Robbin. The way some people have treated me it’s like poking someone who has had a few layers of their skin ripped off. Sure I look ok, but it doesn’t mean I am ok. Oh well, apparently it’s pretty common in these kind of tragedies.
i feel the most when i come accross something i know my best friend will never get to do and how she would have loved it. i get that instant of my breath being taken away and feel sad and think she would have loved this. my best friend sissy passed about 4 years ago. she battled cancer for a while. the day she called and told me the doctors said there was nothing else they could do, i felt the tragedy of already being an age she would not reach. my birthday is in march and hers is in october. i was already 37 and she still 36. when i get on facebook and get to be social with people i think of how wonderful it would have been for her, especially when she was fighting the cancer and not able to get around alot. being social and visiting in a way with people without having to leave ur home is wonderful. and with skype, talking and seeing the person would have been wonderful for us. we shared everything and i feel the center of my universe is gone. she visits me from time to time in dreams or in other ways. but i am one that doesn’t grieve as much. like my people have passed on to a much more wonderful place than i am. i missed them, but find it hard to feel sorry for them when they r in a wonderful place. i miss having her to turn to for my hopes, dreams, laughter, tears etc. but i dont feel like i grieve yet. maybe cos i am still not believing she is gone or mad at how unfair it was. her son was 6. i have no children. i would have gone in her place if there was such a choice. but my moments of saddness are in thinking how much she could have used or would have enjoyed something. maybe that is my grief. i am happy she is out of pain, not gasping for air, free, healthy and happy. i know that she is still there even tho i cant talk with her like we used to and cant feel her physical presence like with a hug. but i do think some people dont get the grief especially with u guys, martin especially, having such contact with ur muck. yes he sees, hears,learns, listens, and laughs with him, but he is still not in human form to be physically touched and enjoyed whenever u want or in everyday situations. martin does grieve. maybe more than others. and i would bet alot of people r jealous of the contact and think he has nothing to grieve because of it. they would be terribly mistaken. and ur analagy of a child at college is so acurate. i thought it was hard not seeing sissy day to day for we were in different states, but now not being able to pick up the phone and share whatever i am going thru and realizing it will be ok as soon as i share it with her, with that being gone, the world has changed forever. i am sorry for ur loss and happy that u have opened urselves to be able to still have contact with ur son. but i also understand that not having control over when, where, how and physically touching being out still brings grief. but i think we also have to realize things happen for reasons. maybe ur son is more able to help people and make an effect on this earth now. its definately something to be learned from the situation. u do have to notice the lil messages as much as the big ones because if u will remember some of the most deep moments of wisdom were the most lite and made the least noise.
again i am sorry for ur pain. i hope u have love, peace, health and happiness.
kerri
One thing I know for sure Kerri is that my son did not come here to fade away! His Light was too bright here for that and is even brighter now. Martin and I know there was a Higher Purpose in all of this and we started looking for it immediately. But while still in these human meat suits, we will forever crave and miss the physical presence of our son. Nothing replaces the hugs and kisses of our son while in these bodies. We will be forever grateful that we were able to see the new relationship that we can have with him. My whole life was preparing me for this experience. At 16yo my term paper was on Raymond Moody’s book “Life After Life”
I’m sorry about your loss as well. It most certainly is not our love ones who are suffering when they cross, it is us left behind. Andrew is doing so much great work now on a bigger scale, which is why he had to leave. I get emails from people around the world that have had beautiful encounters with Andrew since he left. It does give me comfort knowing that so many are benefiting from him being on the Other Side, but I would trade it all to have him back here with me!
Blessings!
Connie