That’s right! No matter what! October is a hard month for me as you can imagine, BUT even through the grief, which I still have to deal with a little a time or I would explode, I look at the blessings even through all the trauma. When the grief gets intense, and mind you it still does, I focus on the blessings and on who my son is now and on what I am so grateful for, and believe it or not, it does help me cope.
Yes I could have a pity party for myself, in fact I have thrown a number of those parties for myself over these last 3 years, I think you have to have a few of those every now and then to cope as well, but you can’t stay in it. I find it gets boring staying in it anyway when you are the only one at the party. The conversation gets stale real quick.
After Andrew crossed, Martin & I came home to an empty house. No younger children at home, not able to have anymore kids, no grand kids or the hope of any, no income, no family support locally, people dumped on us & friends fell to the way side. That right there is the makings of a great pity party. Instead what Martin and I would do is look at the blessings we did have, and when we did, we saw how many blessings we really did have. Andrew lived that way everyday of his life, so he taught us well. Yes, Andrew and I did watch Oprah and Dr Phil together and he learned a lot about life through those shows. What made him different, besides the fact that he actually watched those shows with me from a young age, but the fact that he applied the information he learned like no one I’ve ever seen! What an AWESOME kid!
Is this concept anything new? Absolutely NOT! BUT it does seem to be forgotten! It was a huge thing back in the 90’s when Sarah Brahlalalalala (SP?) had her Gratitude Journal on the NY Times Best Seller’s List. She was on Oprah a lot. Lately I have been noticing a lot of whinging i.e.bitching going on, on FaceBook, TV, and in public, so it would appear this concept has fallen to the wayside a little and it’s definitely time to bring it back! It’s easy to be grateful when things are smooth and going well, it’s when life gets really tough that it is more important to be grateful and count your blessings!
So here I go counting my blessings after losing my son’s physical presence!
1. Martin and I have each other! We saw how many couples were falling apart under the pressure of their child’s life threatening illness. For us it made us closer.
2. While Andrew lost his health, which still boggles my mind, we did have a perfectly healthy son for 16 years, and we still had our health even through all of the hospital stress & loss when usually afterward so many people collapse after a major tragedy like ours.
3. We nearly lost Elatia 10 months earlier to Andrew’s passing, so we are blessed she is still here and healthy and now pregnant with our granddaughter.
4. We were so blessed by the world wide support by so many people while in the hospital.
5. The time in the hospital with Andrew is such a blessing. We got to see him at his best and he touched thousands of people around the world with his courage and grace. He was mesmerizing to watch!
6.We are so blessed to have such powerful & beautiful memories of our son while we were in hospital. Yes it was extreme high stress that we are still recovering from, but we choose to focus on the beauty we shared with our son at that time instead. Yes there was devastation, but even through he devastation there was beauty.
7. I feel so very blessed to not have lost my son suddenly like in an accident. We knew with his diagnosis, every second we had with him was precious. We knew that anyway before the diagnosis, but it was at a great new height after.
8. We are blessed that we didn’t lose Andrew the first week in the PICU. No one expected him to make it and we got nearly 4 months instead of a week. That’s a HUGE blessing! That was a HUGE blessing for thousands of others too!
9. It was a blessing meeting the people we did in the hospital. Some of the nurses left an imprint on my heart forever! I know Andrew felt incredibly blessed by knowing some of the nurses and doctors. And finally…
10. We are so very blessed to have the connection we still do with Andrew. We are blessed that he is our son and we get to continue to work with him. What a blessing and honor it has been to be his mother then and now because I am still his Pretty Mama.
Now if I can find 10 blessings through a parent’s worst nightmare, well there really are more blessings, but decided to stop at 10, I think everyone can or at least should give it a try to find yours! You might be surprised at the result. The attitude of gratitude is a powerful tool to use in healing and finding joy. I know, I watched Andrew do it while undergoing aggressive leukemia treatments. Watching him doing it showed me I could do it too. I am so blessed to have such a Master Teacher for my son!
So get out there and count your blessings today! There are blessings in every situation no matter how tragic. If you can’t see any, ask a friend, they can usually see what you can not. Create your own gratitude journal and write in it everyday until you shift your energy and consciousness! In fact, write in it everyday no matter what! You’ll be glad you did!
IT’S ALL GOOD!
i am so grateful for u and ur blog!!! its an inspiration and a pleasure to read which can sound kinda weird because of the content, being as alot is about losing ur son and struggle. but when i read it i see so much beauty and pleasure and peace and its like things sparkle. i mean u r such a gifted writer to be able to touch so much in subjects that arent always up but ur writing is. its amazing. and i love to sit and think of how lucky u r to have ur son still in ur life so much. so many people miss the signs and signals from their others. and there is something earthy about u, makes me feel calm and happy and peaceful with a smile. so i am thankful for u to touch me the way u do. i totally try to have no regrets and to think that even bad stuff can bring good. its sounding like i am a big kiss ass or something. hope u get the picture. its hard to put it in words. thanks.
Thank you Kerri very much because you put it very eloquently what I try to do. I’m not always sure if it comes across well. Especially since the comments have dwindled. You let me know that I am getting across my intent which I am very happy about because I realize I am not writing about the funnest part of life. I also know it hasn’t always been easy to come here and read my blog but I try to make it as easy to read as possible while hoping to touch your heart. It is my intent that PureHeart’s energy comes through the words I write. So thank you for validating that, I appreciate it!
This was awesome reading Connie! I still wear the bracelet to remind me daily that I am blessed in all situations and “It’s All Good” no matter what. I agree with Kerri too. I’ve always found that same beauty and peace in all of your bloggings. Knowing you is definitely a blessing.