COCOON

That’s pretty much what Martin and I are doing and have been doing since all of this has happened with Andrew.

It’s going on nearly 2 years now since Andrew left here, which is so hard to believe, and Martin and I are still cocooning. We have made attempts to be out and about and join the outside world on a regular basis, but we prefer to just be at home if we are not working. We still find it hard to deal with, as Martin calls it, OPE’s (Other People’s Energies) We are still raw, and being around a lot of people hurts more or less still, we are too sensitive to it. We still feel like several layers of skin have been ripped off, so you can imagine how sensitive we still are.

We do enjoy going out for our gigs, but look forward to going home. When we are out performing or teaching, it is high vibrational stuff so it feels good and we enjoy it. It’s really the only time we do like going out.

We created a sacred, safe, high vibrational place in our home and prefer to be there than anywhere else at the moment. We enjoy not having to deal with anyone else’s energy most of the time. This is how we are choosing to deal with our grief through cocooning. I think this is the most healthiest way to heal and move through grief instead of trying to run from it through drugs or alcohol.

It has been hard when we have had people stay here to help them out. I’m glad I was able to help but from now on I have to honor Martin’s and my grief process, and at the moment, other people staying here is intrusive to our process, no matter how much I care about them. I really need to honor our process. This is one hell of an elephant I am trying to eat  here and I am doing it a little at a time. I have realized that while I do really well here at home with Martin or when we are working/performing, I am still in a fragile state of being and need my sacred space and need it to stay that way.

I still find that while I will talk to people who call, I’m still not calling anyone too much. I don’t even call Elatia! When I realize I haven’t heard from her in a few days I text her.

With everything we have had to deal with, which has been a lot more than just Andrew’s crossing, this healing process is definitely going to take awhile and I have to honor that, I hope others will too because some have not in the past. The irony is, it’s been people that couldn’t handle much anyway, much less the grief, and yet expected me to handle all of this and be there for them. Like I have said before, what I have learned through all of this is, extreme tragedy and extreme success will not only show you who you are, it will show you who others are as well. I am pleased with what I saw in myself and seeing what I’m made of, not so much in a few others I expected to be there, and blown away by those that didn’t have to be and were and still are.

IT’S ALL GOOD!