On the Issue of Cancer

IMG_0478Here I sit, doing busy things, some paying off, and some I wish I hadn’t started, healing from cancer. I am isolated from some of the people I love and admire most in my life. Yes I am dealing with f**king cancer again. The first time it wasn’t me personally, but my son, Andrew, and it took his life at 16 back in October 2007. Then I realize that it is OK to be angry and to let it get you down periodically, because honesty with self is all part of that great healing process that everybody talks about, and that I actually teach.

Thank goodness I allow my clients to vent in the traumatic areas of their lives, and I have never taken that from them. My only wish for myself is that I am handling things as gallantly as Andrew did. He was a trooper, and a lot smarter than me. I would say as smart as his Pretty Mama, but a lot smarter than me. As I sit, I begin to re-realize quite a few things about the healing process, and one of those is that if you can’t beat it in your head, you’ll never beat it in your body. You can argue with me, and unless you have gone through dealing with this sh*t it in the two ways that I have, then your opinion doesn’t matter to me, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know which path I will send you down.

batman-looking-the-bat-signFor some reason these last couple of weeks, 6 to be exact, have been rough. Continually I have been feeling down and dejected which I found very hard to explain. I believe it has something to do with the fact that treatment is almost over, and I am now in a waiting game until I get the final scan. Between the medication, and this feeling of “Down” that I am working at shaking, it’s no bloody wonder I want to sleep all day, but in my defence, I am able to stay up all night. My body aches, I don’t want to do anything, I have no appetite, and some other symptoms. Is this depression? I don’t like it! A big part of me is determined to beat this, and get through it, and the best way I know to get the ball rolling, is to journal. You know, write this shit down. Cancer, and just the very thought of it, drains me. It drains me so much that I see myself getting caught up in the fact that it’s draining me, and that brings me down.

My biggest concern isn’t the Melancholy though, what concerns me is more tangible than that. It’s the fact that I have to make sure I am eating. I am a thin person, and can look absolutely decrepit when I drop weight. Weight, and keeping it on, has been an issue my whole life, and the cancer just made sure that the issue was front and center this time. Maybe I should just eat more, but therein lies the rub. The cancer I have is in my month and trying to swallow anything let alone enough food has presented itself with some interesting challenges. I have been unable to eat solid foods for quite a while now. After a drastic initial weight boss, binging some of it back, and now struggling to maintain, will grind you down. Another energy stealer right there.

I do not mean for this to sound negative in any way, it’s just to let you know were I go, and where I’ve been. So now I guess it’s back to basics, to meditate again, and self-hypnotize my way back to health. I could allow myself struck with the what if’s, the main one being what if the swelling left by the cancer, radiation, and Chemo would go down just enough. Just enough, to allow we to eat something other then Cream of chicken soup, and custard.

I would be golden. But that’s not going to happen if I am not right in my head. That’s where am today, struggling with the line, “Well is that where you want to be?” now I know how my clients feel when I say that, but it is the right thing to say, because it leads me very quickly to the right answer: No! or Hell No!

Next question up to the plate is: “Well what do you plan to do about it?” And my answer to that question is pretty simple.” stop talking it over with people whose lives are less than stellar themselves with a lot less going on in their lives. They mean well, but, as Yoda would say, ” A clue, they have none.” Some of them look like they even take pleasure in the fact that I am where I am with this. It occurred to me that I really am not talking to anyone of a higher vibration just those people that like to sit in their own sh*t. My fault, I know, I just need to start reaching out for that to change. Well the writing all this has brought me into a better space with it all, and before I go, I want to leave you with one more thing: cancer sucks!IMG_0478

Conversation about the Nature of God Part I

life is a game

Conversation on the Nature of God
Living is what we are here for, and Peace is our natural state. Speak your truth whenever you can, be compassionate, and remember to love. Be true to yourself and your calling. To get the most out of life, the Universe wants you just to show up.- PureHeart


Friend 1: A born again Christian, and a seeker
Friend 2: A scientifically minded realist, and a Spiritualist
Friend 3: A Catholic – mostly non-practising, but a very strong woman
True Seeker: A student, and contributor to our PureHeart work.
Me: A Spiritualist teacher, and Seeker

IMG_0478This is the conversation I experienced with some friends of mine on Facebook regarding one of the statements allegedly made by the current pontiff, Pope Francis. I was posting my thoughts as to its validity. My friend is a practising modern born again Christian, and it led us into a deeper discussion. It showed the fear and Love emotion angle very strong, and showed that 2 people can have a difference of opinion without falling out over it. I believe our conversation was divinely guided, and there was information in there for both of us. I know, for me, I learned quite a few things about myself, one of them being if I am going to write, then write. Write more.

The fear for me is that what I write brings out anger in people instead of actual conversation. I am definitely not saying that I know everything, and what I do know is definitely not necessarily Universal truth. I am saying that this is what I know to be true for me. Whether it is a Universal truth or not, isn’t for me to determine, but for others to take and use as they please. If it helps them, great, and if it doesn’t, that’s great too. I just need to continue to write because I learn so much from the people I interact with. I appreciate that because the one thing I am sure of when dealing with what I know, is that I don’t know everything. I will make it a goal to know more. I hope you enjoy the conversation, and don’t forget to leave your comments below.

ME: How much of this stuff, what the pope is credited to saying, is actually true has yet to be determined. It is what he or the church of Rome will tolerate, and allow to be said as his. It is what it causes in the short run that will end up being important, not whether it is true or not. We may even end up with a virtual pope.

YELLOWWell it is an interesting argument as to whether or not he actually said these things, and it goes to our nature as to what our perception as to the nature of God is. Is he a loving God, is he a judgemental God, or is he a convenient God. I believe most people use him as a convenient God. Although I believe these things need to be discussed and looked at, we should fact-check and determine whether the pope actually said it or not. It also isn’t whether God is changing or not, it is whether we as a species, are changing or not, and is our perception of him changing,Are we gaining more of an understanding of the nature of God.

<FRIEND 3:> No hell!! Think the Syrians and hungry cud disagree! X – This was a side reaction to the actual comment.

FRIEND 1: (In reference to what I said last.) I get that. But I don’t see how I could serve a changing God. I don’t want to be chasing a moving target. I hope that doesn’t land me in the camp of those using God as a convenient God, but Scripture says that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. There are verses that call Him the Unchanging One. I just can’t reconcile one man’s quote (even if that man IS the Pope) with the Word of God. The Bible will win that each time. Especially because I’m not catholic.

Editor’s note: Never chase a moving target, become a better shot. Catholics are Christians, last time I looked.

ME: I believe that Christians as a whole are faced with a choice, the same choice they have always been faced with – Old Testament, or New testament. The old testament being a Jewish book, and by their own admission, not as filled with the accuracies that some Christians would have us believe. The New Testament, the alleged biographical story of the teacher Yesua. Some Christians have simplified their lives by choosing one over the other, and in most cases, the new Testament won out as it is more or less filled with a more loving solution to their path.

ME: Yes but what does it say about the perception of the same God, a God that is never changing. If he moves you move. It’s not about chasing a moving target as much as it is getting better knowledge of what it is you have actually placed your faith in. Wouldn’t a changed perception, deeper or shallower, of something make it appear differently to you?

MartinsTopHatSillohetteFRIEND 1: You see, that’s where I would disagree. It’s all one text. I have actually been on a quest to read the whole Bible start to finish. I started with the New Testament and finished it in December. Started Old Testament in January but I fell off the wagon until picking it back up in June. Since then, I’ve been reading 5 chapters every night and I’m all the way through Esther, starting in Job tonight. The OT continually talks about a Saviour coming. Every prophecy about the Messiah was fulfilled in Christ. Every prophecy written in every book, written hundreds of years before He was born, he fulfilled. The New Testament was the story of Jesus, and the new covenant man had with God through His son’s sacrifice.

Stay tuned for Part II – Next week, or maybe earlier. Please leave your comments below.

Angels Dancing on the Head of a Pin

I was going through my Facebook history when I came across this little gem

So as I was showering today, the question “How many angels can dance on the top of pin?” popped into my head, and so did the answer:

“The size of the head of the pin increases exponentially to accommodate the number of angels who are drawn together with intent and desire to dance on the head of said pin. They do not offer any resistance, (judgement) about either the size of the pin nor the number of participants.”


Well Duh! Doesn’t everybody know that?? *grin*

Then also, another question popped into my head:

“Why do we (humans on Planet Earth) presume to assume that it is the angels who must change to accommodate the head of the pin rather than the other way around?”

This day is off to a great start … don’t ‘cha think?

Things that make you go “Oh no, not again.”

It’s All Good!