Well, you wanted me here even if I didn’t have much to say so here it goes, I will just babble on. Wanna keep the fans happy! :-D Not promising anything pretty.
We are currently at the internet cafe, altho by the time you read this it will be the next day. We go to this cafe so I can get some fresh, frozen, cat free air! :-D Martin has a writing assignment that KC gave him so I got the computer!! *doin happy dance! Need to stop, attracting too much attention now, even more than the screaming kid* She gave Martin 5 writing assignments! Woo Hoo! Andrew and Martin are working on those so I might even be able to watch the other 4 episodes on the X-Files dvd too! Life is good!
Feeling a cold coming on too, I know! How can I tell with all the allergy symptoms!? But I can & hope to hold it at bay with my herbs. Taking my grape fruit seed extract, Kold Kare, Life Guard, and more!
My sister called me last night. Kinda freaked me out since my phone never rings! My sis in law in Ireland also called yesterday. Sure, I finally have a computer for the day and I get busy!
Martin’s family is concerned about us and how we are coping. Martin made a joke that he knows he can’t leave me alone. He told AnneMarie that the only reason why I’m still here is because I haven’t found a quick and painless way outta here… yet! Whatever does he mean? *she sez trying to look innocent* He also said if I decide to go to a Dr. for any meds for depression or sleep, he has to watch me because he knows I’ll just save them up and tell him to go to the Irish Rover one night on his own. Who me?? :-D Foiled again dammit! On to Plan B, I don’t have a Plan B……yet.
My sis calls and we actually talked for a long while. She is having such a hard time with all this. My sister just adores Andrew. He was the only real man in her life until her grandson. I know I mentioned it before, but here it is again. Andrew knows how much his Aunt Lisa loves him. He knew there was nothing she wouldn’t do for him. He said to me one night in the hospital, “You know what Mom? I know Aunt Lisa would kill for me.” I laughed and said “I know she would Muck.” I told Lisa what he said and without missing a beat she said “Absolutely! You know it! Does he need me to do it now? Who? I’ll do it! Give me their name! Nobody messes with my nephew!” ROFLMAO!
She wonders how I cope with such a devastating loss. I don’t know how I do. I try to stay focused on who and where Andrew is now. Not that I’m that great at it yet, but I keep trying. Or maybe because I believe there is a bigger purpose in all of this & I’m just waiting around to see what it is. I want to hold up my end of the bargain. If he left because shit just happens, then I definitely wouldn’t stay on this miserable planet! Nothing would make sense. It barely does as it is! The fight is out of me now. I have no hopes or dreams. They all left with Andrew. Hard for me to believe in anything because I believed he would get through this ok. I really felt he would come through this. We made all kinds of plans. How am I suppose to believe in anything good happening again??? I just don’t have it in me anymore to go for anything. I’m just waiting around to see what happens. Doing my time till I can blow this popsicle stand!
She also talked about how good Andrew is. She said she has never met anyone as pure as him. She said the same things Andrew’s friends have said about him. That’s how I know it’s not just me being a mother loving her son. He is that good.
Lisa wonders how something like this could happen to me. I didn’t deserve to lose my son. Not after everything I’ve had to deal with most of my life. Events that normally would have brought most people to their knees and yet I stood strong & didn’t fall into the typical patterns. I faced and HEALED them! I did the work no matter how hard it was! I told her I have to look at the fact that Martin and I were entrusted to raise and care for an Avatar. That is a HUGE deal. We raised an Ascended Master! AND we did an excellent job and held up our end of the bargain beautifully well. It will not go unnoticed.
So I sit and wait to see what all of this is really about. Until then…….
I guess it’s all good
I don’t know what to say, but thought I would send a hug and some heart healing energy your way Pretty Mama.
Ditto to what Karen says! [[[[[[ Hugs! ]]]]]]]
And you are AWESOME Connie! :)
That wasn’t babble…that is releasing more pain!!! Love YOU
Yesterday I thought a lot about you…again. My baby Ujjwal gave me a scare. He just disappeared when I was in the bathroom. I was upstairs, and I knew there was no way he could cross that gate we have on the staircase, so he had to be around upstairs with me. But I looked everywhere and screamed his name, but no response. Whenever I call his name, he ALWAYS comes running to me, or at least he screams back. And here I was screaming his name and there was pin drop silence. I thought the worst things. Finally I went and opened hubby’s closet, and found him sitting there very quietly with the cat. I had not thought of opening that before because I had gone there and screamed his name very hysterically (yeah, after a while of not finding him I got a little hysterical), and there was only pin drop silence. I have no clue why he did that, but when he saw me looking so scared, he just hugged me very tight and stayed like that till I calmed down.
It made me think of you….just the thought of losing my baby made me lose it. I didn’t know how you were coping. So I thought…well…Andrew and his parents are teaching me mediumship…and lately I’ve had great mediumship successes, so I should talk to Andrew. I said to Andrew, “You are happy there, and you keep telling your mum to not grieve, not be sad, not cry. How can you expect her not be sad? Don’t you understand how this feels?” (I was still shaken up with the experience I’d had) He listened very patiently and replied, “I do know how she feels. I know how you feel. I know how this feels. But sometimes things are beyond our control (yeah, I know he was telling me about the contract thing). But now I am here. It can’t be changed. So the only way to be happy, the only way left is to realize where I am, how I am, how I exist, and relate to me that way. Talk to me that way. Getting down in the dumps will not help the situation at all. Instead, we must behave in ways that are best for us and our hasppiness”.
I am just trying to write in words what he said to me…because he mostly spoke wordlessly…I just “knew” what he was saying. He didn’t say these words. I am translating the communication to words. What he said was said very quickly, very powerfully, very lovingly…like an angel would explain things to me, and the wordless communication was perfect, gave me my answers in a matter of seconds. The translated words I wrote above just don’t catch the essence of his communication, because he didn’t use words really. He communicated in more complete ways. All I can say is…it was wonderful! It removed all the anxiety I had been feeling about Ujjwal and about you.
Sending you hugs Connie…
Wow Swati! That’s awesome too! [[[ hugs! ]]]
Swati-I was going to write something that said something similar to what Andrew said to you, but he said it so profoundly.
I will add one thing..Connie, I believe that you have to find your way back and on a path again, whatever that may be, in order to eventually share in the happy beyond with Andrew. In other words there is some life growth lesson here for you and something to be experienced in all of this. Not to say that you should not be sad at times, but just to say that all is not hopeless, that there are so many things that matter and I know you can get through this without trying to escape this reality early..
There are so many blessings you still have here on earth, a husband who loves you so much a wonderful daughter, countless friends and loves ones and you have so many gifts to offer to all here..(sorry my old 12 step habit of gratitude list making kicked in there! LOL!)
My love, hugs and blessings to you and much, much positive energy–
Sara
Yep…and Connie understands all this only too well. She has been saying all this to us, to her sister and everyone so many times. She gets it. She gets it right from the beginning. But finally I get it too. Connie tried explaing this to me before when I’d ask her, “HOW do you do this??”. Andrew said the same thing to me that Connie has said already…but he came through in a communication form that was “complete” and beyond “words”. He somehow finally made me understand why staying angry, upset and hurt is not going to help. He didn’t say one musn’t feel that way, but he said why staying in that state will not help, and how to get back the communication we are really missing. Thanks Andrew!
Thanks for listening to Andrew Swati! Andrew is so eloquent with his words! Part of the issue for me now is the fact I am pretty much stuck in KC’s bedroom alone A LOT. I’m like the crazy lady in the attic. I’m hopped up on antihistamines, trying to breathe is a chore, bored out of my skull and just plain wore out! That could have something to do with my state of mind lately.
It would be nice if all we had to deal with was Andrew’s ascension but it isn’t. We have financial stress trying to rebuild our lives again. I was suckered punched, the wind has been knocked out of me yet again only this time was the hardest! SO yea, I’m a little hesitant on getting back up again. I just don’t have the energy to pursue a god damn thing! Yea, my attitude is why the hell bother?? I am tired of hitting my head against a brick wall & getting no where! I am done with that! If I am meant to do anything it will have to show itself to me is all I’m saying. I just don’t have the energy anymore. I don’ even know anymore what I’m suppose to be doing. I feel like the living shit has been beat outta me so I’m taking time out. I am exhausted on every level! I nearly lost BOTH my kids last year and did lose my son. I don’t now many that could handle EVERYTHING I have had to go through just this past year alone sober!
All I ever wanted was my own happy family since I could never have it as a kid. I finally have everyone straightened out, things have been going great for 4 yrs, I have the perfect family, & then the brightest light leaves! I’m sorry but that is fucked up! To quote one of Andrew’s friends.
I haven’t drowned my grief in alcohol or drugs of any kind, just dealing with it as it comes & sometimes it ain’t pretty! Like KC said, “be gentle with yourself and allow the grief process to happen. Deal with it now instead of squeaking it out slowly like letting air out of a balloon.” I agree.
This was just one too many disappointments for me to handle and just bounce back from. I’m down for the count.
Thank you all for the love, hugs and support!!!!
HUGS TO YOU !!!!!
Sending extra Angels of comfort your way.
I’ve just returned back to NC, from Canada and can relate to the freezing weather, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr .
I love the post about planting a tree in Andrews name, May 12th is the day my father ascended 16yrs ago! when I read that date I got goosebumps.
I will plant a tree for him, on my property, which backs up to a heavily wooded area( we have hardwoods everywhere here) and the energy is beautiful . I love gardening and was planning on planting a flowering tree in one of my berms in the front yard, that I will be able to see from my office. So, May 12th it is- FOR ANDREW-
Dear Connie,
One of the future things I see for you is that I just got selected to be among the attendees at the Advanced Angel Therapy(TM) conference and one of the reasons I want to go is so I can see you and Martin perform. I have to admit: mostly to see YOU perform.
Love,
Leo
Thanks Kimberly! Andrew appreciates it as well!
YAY! It will be good to see you again in Kona!
Connie – I’m glad KC used that word with you – gentle. It is important to be gentle with yourself, because you’re on the track you’re supposed to be on (yeah, I know – seems like it’s not ever the one you WANT to be on…) with this experience. There is nothing any of us can say that will make this happen any faster or any easier – it just is and will happen the way it’s supposed to. Now, I would worry about you if you weren’t talking to us about finding a way out (and trust me, it’s not quick or painless – been there, done that, got the freakin’ T-shirt). I hope you feel like you can always talk to us here – no judgment. We all love you and Martin and Elatia so much – even those of us who’ve never met you – because we’re on this journey with you for a reason. It’s understandable that you’re bored and tired (let me know if you want me to send you some DVDs to watch!) and gasping for air (sorry, a little drama queen moment thrown in there for ya) – I’m just glad Andrew’s around to help his Pretty Mama feel better! Love and hugsssssssssssssssssssssssss to youse guys!!!!
Leah, thanks for the dvd offer! We went to the video store & got a few. Marts is freeing up the computer more too. He came up here to work and we didn’t know I would be stuck w/o any electronics to amuse me. Also I wasn’t taking my mood elevator herbs as to save them since I was low so I just ordered more to be delivered here. Don’t want to be w/o those suckers they really help!
Good to have confirmation on the lack of quick and painless ways to exist. Hate to think I left some stone unturned! LOL
Thanks for offering the movies and support!!! Mwwwaaa!