Well, you wanted me here even if I didn’t have much to say so here it goes, I will just babble on. Wanna keep the fans happy! :-D Not promising anything pretty.
We are currently at the internet cafe, altho by the time you read this it will be the next day. We go to this cafe so I can get some fresh, frozen, cat free air! :-D Martin has a writing assignment that KC gave him so I got the computer!! *doin happy dance! Need to stop, attracting too much attention now, even more than the screaming kid* She gave Martin 5 writing assignments! Woo Hoo! Andrew and Martin are working on those so I might even be able to watch the other 4 episodes on the X-Files dvd too! Life is good!
Feeling a cold coming on too, I know! How can I tell with all the allergy symptoms!? But I can & hope to hold it at bay with my herbs. Taking my grape fruit seed extract, Kold Kare, Life Guard, and more!
My sister called me last night. Kinda freaked me out since my phone never rings! My sis in law in Ireland also called yesterday. Sure, I finally have a computer for the day and I get busy!
Martin’s family is concerned about us and how we are coping. Martin made a joke that he knows he can’t leave me alone. He told AnneMarie that the only reason why I’m still here is because I haven’t found a quick and painless way outta here… yet! Whatever does he mean? *she sez trying to look innocent* He also said if I decide to go to a Dr. for any meds for depression or sleep, he has to watch me because he knows I’ll just save them up and tell him to go to the Irish Rover one night on his own. Who me?? :-D Foiled again dammit! On to Plan B, I don’t have a Plan B……yet.
My sis calls and we actually talked for a long while. She is having such a hard time with all this. My sister just adores Andrew. He was the only real man in her life until her grandson. I know I mentioned it before, but here it is again. Andrew knows how much his Aunt Lisa loves him. He knew there was nothing she wouldn’t do for him. He said to me one night in the hospital, “You know what Mom? I know Aunt Lisa would kill for me.” I laughed and said “I know she would Muck.” I told Lisa what he said and without missing a beat she said “Absolutely! You know it! Does he need me to do it now? Who? I’ll do it! Give me their name! Nobody messes with my nephew!” ROFLMAO!
She wonders how I cope with such a devastating loss. I don’t know how I do. I try to stay focused on who and where Andrew is now. Not that I’m that great at it yet, but I keep trying. Or maybe because I believe there is a bigger purpose in all of this & I’m just waiting around to see what it is. I want to hold up my end of the bargain. If he left because shit just happens, then I definitely wouldn’t stay on this miserable planet! Nothing would make sense. It barely does as it is! The fight is out of me now. I have no hopes or dreams. They all left with Andrew. Hard for me to believe in anything because I believed he would get through this ok. I really felt he would come through this. We made all kinds of plans. How am I suppose to believe in anything good happening again??? I just don’t have it in me anymore to go for anything. I’m just waiting around to see what happens. Doing my time till I can blow this popsicle stand!
She also talked about how good Andrew is. She said she has never met anyone as pure as him. She said the same things Andrew’s friends have said about him. That’s how I know it’s not just me being a mother loving her son. He is that good.
Lisa wonders how something like this could happen to me. I didn’t deserve to lose my son. Not after everything I’ve had to deal with most of my life. Events that normally would have brought most people to their knees and yet I stood strong & didn’t fall into the typical patterns. I faced and HEALED them! I did the work no matter how hard it was! I told her I have to look at the fact that Martin and I were entrusted to raise and care for an Avatar. That is a HUGE deal. We raised an Ascended Master! AND we did an excellent job and held up our end of the bargain beautifully well. It will not go unnoticed.
So I sit and wait to see what all of this is really about. Until then…….
I guess it’s all good