First I have to say I am really tired. I’ve had no problem switching to sleeping at night again. Maybe being up for 3 or 4 days in a row helped. I start fading around 9:30pm now which is sooooo not me! I’m usually up till 2 a.m.!! Not now! I’m down for the count around 11p.m. and I struggle to even stay up till then!! Just a little FYI to my So-Cal friends….don’t call me late for now! :-D
Everybody wonders how I am able to deal with all this so well & be so strong. Well, it shocks the crap outta me let me tell ya! I always said that if Andrew were to go then I would go too because nothing would make sense in my life anymore. I wouldn’t want to be here anymore because all this planet is, is one painful experience after another! I’ve had enough! We didn’t deserve this!
Everyday I do cry for my son. I am so sad and I get the slaps up beside my head that my son really is no longer here physically. It just doesn’t seem real. How can it be?
But Andrew gets me to focus on my heart. He does that as a reminder of him because he is the one who took the ache from my heart only 4 days after he ascended & the ache has not been back. Even in my moments of despair & grief my heart feels at peace. How weird is that?? He said that it’s the ego grieving. Whatever! It still SUCKS!
So I try to focus on my peaceful heart when the wave of “OMG! I want my son back” comes over me. It gets overwhelming but a good cry seems to help.
How can I not be strong? I want to make my son proud of his Pretty Mama and also it is a testament to Andrew’s healing abilities that my heart is at peace now. Time will take care of the rest.
I CHOOSE JOY! I CHOOSE PEACE! I CHOOSE LOVE! and IT’S ALL GOOD!