I wrote this the morning of IIAGD.
I will never forget the following night as we were called back to All Children’s Hospital, which is odd because we never left our son, but we had to so the medical team could stabilize him after they intubated him again & for the last time. I will never forget that chaotic scene of them compressing him, shocking him & yet felt like I was standing still in time as they feverishly worked on my son trying to save his life. Medical shows were out after seeing it live! Then having to tell his medical team to stop, as the lines on the monitor slowly flat lined, then that horrid beeeeeeeeeep! Just like on tv. I went into shock. Shock is a beautiful thing! It got me through the 1st year. I miss it.
So in order to deal with the 1st anniversary of that night, I DECIDED to create a new memory of that day in order to survive. I CHOSE to turn devastation into celebration & honor my son in a way his life deserved, the way he lead it. I CHOSE to lead my life inspired by him & his attitude of IT’S ALL GOOD! And not let it just be lip service. Not let grief take over! Not get swallowed up by it! Andrew‘s life means more than that!
So the 1st Int’l IT’S ALL GOOD DAY on Oct 22, 2008 was utterly AMAZING! We were in Laguna Beach w/his girlfriend, his friend Daniel & a few of our friends. We created a beautiful new memory of this day to celebrate Andrew & our love for him instead of just focusing on the devastation of it all. I will NEVER forget that day because we did create a beautiful new memory on Laguna Bch as the sun set, all of us sharing our love for Andrew as well as our grief, we truly turned devastation into celebration!
Yes, I will ALWAYS miss the physical presence of my beloved son. It was so amazing! So powerful! I will miss his, “I love you PrettyMama” or “Who’s the prettiest Mama in the world?” or his hugs & kisses he gave so freely, even at 16yo, him tucking us in at night. Yes, he tucked us into bed every night & we had a procedure for it. I will ALWAYS feel that pang in my heart. I will ALWAYS have those moments of grief, but I make sure they are moments. I cry, I write, I exercise, I meditate, I take herbs, to get through it. But Andrew is always right there with his hand on my heart reminding me as he always has….
IT’S ALL GOOD!
Now to get on with celebrating that magnificent boy of mine!