5 yrs ago today was the 2nd worse day of my life! The worst being nearly 4 months later from this date. My world, the one I knew and loved came was crashing down around me. Nothing shakes you to your core than when you are told that your child has leukemia or any form of cancer. Today began the incredible and heart wrenching journey with our beloved son Andrew.
I can not believe it has been 5 years since Andrew was diagnosed. It feels like yesterday still sometimes. Five years? Really? There is something about the 5th anniversary. I’m not sure I can put my finger exactly on it. There is the disbelief that it has been 5 years, and also a feeling of coming through a phase of grief.
I am seeing more things falling into place now. Like all of Martin’s and my hard work is starting to come together a little at a time. I have tried so hard to get ourselves out there with our work, anything to help me deal with the grief, but it has been like moving through mud. It’s as if Andrew wasn’t going to let me hide behind work, I was going to have to face the grief head on with no distractions. I see now I shoulda been nicer to him when he was doing his Language Arts! Geez he holds a grudge! LOL It has felt like I was banging my head against the wall trying to get things rolling for us.
There is definitely something about this 5 year mark. It is bittersweet, but I do see this cloud that’s been hanging over us slowly moving away. More opportunities are coming our way now. Like I just booked flights to Ireland for our UK tour in November. I was so nervous about doing it because I haven’t gambled on us since Andrew left. I have stayed close to home and would only book events that I could drive to because I was tired of losing when I bet on us.
Something else took over when I booked these flights. I just did it without really thinking much about it. As I was nervously paying for the flights, a little freaked out I was actually paying $1,700 for flights, 777 came up and I could feel Andrew’s energy because it brought tears to my eyes. 777 means in Angel numbers, “Atta girl/boy! You’re on the right track, keep up the great work!” I could feel him saying that to me. He wanted me to trust that I was doing the right thing and he was right by my side.
Now opportunities in the UK are coming out of the woodwork! We are doing an event with Roger, who did the spirit drawing of Andrew, in London. People have been asking when were we coming back to Milton Keynes, so I will be booking there too. Now someone, a friend of my sister in law’s, wants us to come to Newcastle England (5 hrs away from MK) to do a mediumship event there. I was just brushing it off because of the distance until she said, “Don’t you want a few hundred people there?” when she asked me how many people do I need and I said like 30 and up. Of course we want a few hundred people there! But no one has been able to do that so far. So we’ll see where that goes. Then I have Dublin booked, waiting to hear back from Belfast, and psychic parties in Derry with Martin’s sisters friends. That’s just the UK tour, we have other stuff simmering here too.
We did an internet tv show last night and the owner asked afterward if we wanted to host our own show. Ummmm lemme think, uhhhh….YEAH! So after we get back from Ft Lauderdale next week we are meeting with him to talk about it. Which brings me to Ft Lauderdale, we leave tonight to go over there to do like 7 events. This weekend will tell a lot about how we will move forward with several things. I have a meeting with Kathryn, who helped us get our PH Foundation started. We are looking at a venue together for the 1st fundraiser on Oct 27th.
We have found a venue in Sarasota that we can finally work with too. That is very exciting for us. To finally have a place locally not only we can work with, but also bring people to, like Roger when he comes on his Florida tour next Spring.
So yes, there is definitely something about the 5th year of grief. What I feel from Andrew is that now that we have had these past 5 years to make sense of our lives, to find out how we fit in our own lives again, to have the time to work through the biggest chunk of the grief, he will now open the gates, and/or the wall with all my head marks in it, for things to come in. So I was literally hitting a wall, an etheric one, but a powerful one none the less! Thanks Muck! *she says sarcastically!*
Grief, especially grief over losing a child, is a very, VERY hard, heart wrenchingÂ journey. There is none like it. BUT if you can see your way through it, there are blessings every step of the way. While I am under no delusions, I will have some form of grief to deal with the rest of my life, but the biggest hurdle to get over is done. I have reached the 5 year mark and I am still standing!
By Andrew being diagnosed on his sister Elatia’s birthday, you can see how all of this was Divinely orchestrated. While I am honoring the day this journey began with Andrew, I am also celebrating the birth of my incredible daughter. This was the one day I just didn’t know how to turn the energy around about the diagnosis, but it being Elatia’s birthday did that for me! *Clever Muck.* When I think back on how all of this came about, it really is rather incredible. Yes, it’s been hard, but WOW! What an honor to not only be a part of a Master Teacher’s Soul’s purpose, but to be his mother too! BONUS! And after 5 years, I can focus more on that part of it than the grief part, and for that I am very grateful!
Now it’s time to get ready for our Ft Lauderdale trip, and my daughter’s birthday!
IT’S ALL GOOD