It’s been 3 months today, I started this on Monday, since my sweet heart son ascended. I have actually survived the first 3 months with out my son here physically.
But now what?? What do I do now?? I have no idea what to do with my life. Nor do I have the energy to try and figure it out or doing anything about it. So I’ve put my foot down, ok, may have been stomping my foot down in a tantrum, to the powers that be and said “SHOW ME!” Show me what the hell I’m suppose to do now! Apparently what ever I do isn’t right!
I was cutting up chicken tonight and just started crying because 1. Andrew would help me cut the chicken & cook dinner 2. I was thinking about all the plans Andrew and I made for when he got out of the hospital. We were going to do Ti chi in the morning, workout together in the afternoon, plan our menus for organic meals, shop together for it & cook the meals together. We were excited about our new life. Yea, it was going to be hard at first because we would have to be very careful, but we were excited! But now? I have none of that. I have nothing to do.
Martin came out of the office because he “heard” me crying. I think Andrew told him. How pathetic must I have looked crying while cutting my chicken? Martin was so tender & understanding with me. He hugged me and wiped my tears. He told me that he didn’t want me to cry alone. I informed him that he wouldn’t be getting any work done then! He said he didn’t care.
I was worried that I’m going through all of this for nothing. That there really is no bigger purpose in all this. That I would just be another mother who lost her son to a shit ass disease and have to try and carry on.
Deep, way deep down I don’t believe that. I don’t believe I raised an Avatar so he could leave at 16 and it would all be done and over with after his ascension. Because if that were the case it’d be time for us to go garage shopping!
Yea, I’d say it’s time for the meditation to meet up with Muck!
IT’S ALL GOOD!
Maybe it is not yet the time to figure out what exactly you are going to do with your life, but instead to get through the grieving process. Just because Andrew has ascended does not mean that there is no process to go through to deal with this huge loss. You lost your special one, the one to cook with laugh with, confide in…regardless of how well things are going for him, that is a huge hole in your life. Until you are healed from that, how can you possible determine exactly what is next on your plate. and maybe that is why that is not coming through yet..you are not ready for the information?
So go through the meditation with Martin, work with your guides on your own personal healing and letting go of the physical Andrew and meditate for inner peace. It will come..and when it does your answer as to what is next will be right behind it…and you will be strong and ready to proceed with the future!!!
love, hugs and blessings–
Sara
Sounds like time to me! Good journey to you Connie…
It is time for the regressions and time to get working on some of the projects we have been talking about too !!!!!!!!!
Luv ya
{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}
Yuppers – tis time for that regression!
Also – one day at a time – y’know?
*huge huggles!*
Connie –
If we weren’t all on this journey with you, I’d have my doubts. However, since all of us have been irrevocably changed by meeting Andrew and having this joint experience with you and Martin – your whole family, really – I just know in my gut that there is a purpose. It’s so early in the game, dear one – there’s still so much in the way that has to be processed through. You will find, I’m sure, that along the way the purpose will be made much clearer – and the journey will be part of the jewel created by your willingness to participate in this soul contract. Thank you for letting us come along!
Love and more (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))!
Leah
Connie…yes, time for a regression. You know, when you meet him directly, face to face, and he tells you about the purpose of it all you will be left with no doubt. I don’t think anything is without a purpose. Thats what I believe in. There are a few things I am so firm about in my beliefs. And this is one of them. So why should Andrew’s ascension be without purpose? And didn’t you see how this event affected so many people? Do so many people get affected by the crossing over of someone they don’t know at all? Either everyone has lost it…or there really is something behind it all :). If it was just me you could say yeah…she’s nuts…but I don’t think everyone who was touched by him is nuts. :-) What do you say?
And anyway, it doesn’t matter what anyone says to you. You meet him yourself and get the answer directly, for yourself…and then turn right around and blog for us! :-D
Will you do your meditation journey today?
But Swati – you ARE nuts. :) LOLOL!!!!
Of course I am! LOL!! Thats why I was quick to say that there are others too who feel the same. hahahahahaha!! So even if I am discounted as nuts there are other non-nuts who can be relied upon for their feelings. :p :p :p
[quote]But Swati – you ARE nuts. [/quote]
Darnit Leah! You beat me to that one! :p
As I keep telling her tho – she’s my kind of nuts! :D
That is what I try and remind myself Swati & Leah, is how many people around the world that were touched by Andrew. They can’t all be nuts! :-D But patience is not one of my strong points and I want to start the work we’re suppose to do with Andrew NOW!!!!!! BaaaWaaaaa!! I think that will be part of the healing process too. Sitting around waiting ain’t helping! Too much time to think and miss Andrew.
Do you think Terri Irwin would be doing so well if she didn’t have Steve’s mission to carry on with her daughter? If she had to just sit at home missing Steve she would be struggling more than she probably already is with his passing.
We did do a meditation last night. Yes, Swati, I will be bloggin about it. It will take a few more times to get where I want to be.
I really understand what Steve Irwin meant when he said, “Thanks for coming along this journey with me.” or something to that effect. That’s how I feel about all of you! This journey hasn’t been an easy one to be on or follow so I appreciate all of you that have stayed with me!
Connie, I spent almost 2 1/2 hours on the phone with you last night…and I am going to tell you the same thing I told you last night BLIND FAITH….Cutie…there is at the moment only time that can heal the pain and bring brighter skies…in time…the only other thing you need is Blind Faith..believeing with out knowing what you are trusting in!!! I know you know what blind faith means, but we need to be reminded of it….
There will be no Garage hunting…..because you are forgetting one MAJOR thing…threw you Andrew lives on…..threw you comes another side that the world needs to know about…& as selfish as this sounds we lost him too & we need him to live on…& we need you & Martin to stay…not only to share his story but to share your story…& gee..golly darn we love ya!!!!! So hate me if you will…(but it won’t last long..)
We love ya
Tammy
Oh yea Tammy?? I’m still gonna see if I can house sit the neighbors house across the street with the 2 car garage! AND I may not wait for them to leave to do it either! *evil laugh* :-D
I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of my life talking about Andrew and giving his messages & making sure everyone knows who he is! Who needs Ester when we have Andrewham!! :-D :-D
Thanks for taking the time to listen and how can I hate you?? You’re my home away from home in So-Cal! AND Laguna Beach no less! Hopefully we’ll be able to come out sometime fairly soon.
Mwwwwwaaaaaa
To quote Swati …”So why should Andrew’s ascension be without purpose? And didn’t you see how this event affected so many people? Do so many people get affected by the crossing over of someone they don’t know at all? Either everyone has lost it…or there really is something behind it all . If it was just me you could say yeah…she’s nuts…but I don’t think everyone who was touched by him is nuts. What do you say?”
Well, I have to agree ! I have wondered I’m I nut’s, why has this effected me so much ? I don’t know Andrew except through your amazing writing, what a wonderful gift you have. I know this sounds “nut’s” from someone who has never meet him but how can you not feel anything but, love for Andrew, he is very special. I don’t get it but, I feel it.
Thank you Connie for letting “us” get to know him.
Connie –
What about just a little comedy show, at a local venue, to give you something to prepare for/ look forward to? Have you had any luck with getting through to ACH for the mani/pedis? Remember I said I’d help you with those – could we just set a date and go do some?
I promise you Kimberly and everyone else, you are NOT nuts for feeling the way you do about Andrew. Andrew has touched peoples’ hearts around the world! He really is that amazing. It’s not just his mom bragging about him. That’s what has been great about connecting with his friends. They confirm what I already know.
It’s like pulling teeth to find a venue Leah. I e-mailed the East Village Cabaret before Andrew ascended to let them know we could probably do another show at the end of January. They never got back to me. I just don’t have the energy to chase these people down anymore and beg them to let me perform.
I got 7 bottles of polish for ACH. I just have to call Roy Adams whose ahead of the volunteer dept. & see what I need to do.