Seven years ago today was our final farewell to our beloved son. The last time I would ever lay eyes on his physical presence again. I couldn’t comprehend the magnitude of that day. Shock is a beautiful thing, it helps you function. Martin and I did his service, we figured we started this journey together with Andrew when he was born, and we will end this part of our journey together when Andrew had to move on to his Higher Purpose. No one else deserved the honor of doing our son’s service other than us.
Andrew guided us every step of the way, giving us each a piece to do. Not knowing what to do since we have never had to plan a FUNeral service before, let alone one for our very own child! We trusted Andrew would make it perfect, and he did just that! Right down to the timing! It was exactly an hour.
I had a panic attack when the FUNeral home emailed me my 16yo son’s obituary. It’s hard even writing that now. To see it in print made it too real, it was just too much for me to handle. During my panic attack, Andrew asks Martin what was the first 3 letters in funeral? Seriously Muck? I can’t breathe here! A little help please! But funny enough it helped me cope calling it a FUNeral, because I just couldn’t say the other F word, and that is what we did! We put the FUN in funeral! We made sure we had laughter at his service and plenty of it. It was the beginning of us turning devastation into celebration.
Leaving the hospital without my son was hard enough, but this? Leaving the FUNeral home without him? Now that was hard! When we left the hospital I knew I would see Andrew again in a few days. Now? This would be the last time EVER I could physically see him. The next time we would have to go to the FUNeral home, my 6 ft and still growing son would be in a small box now. How is a parent suppose to wrap their head around that one??
I will tell you how, for us we had to practice what we teach. We had to focus on who Andrew is now and work on our new relationship with him. We had to focus on the fact that we are more than our bodies. We really had to look beyond the physical now.
When we can let go of what was, and focus on what is, not his passing, not the end, but the transformation of who our son was now, the beginning of our new relationship, you can start to heal and move forward. When you can see your child for who they are now when they pass, and be open to a new relationship, it helps you heal. It doesn’t mean you never grieve again, believe me, you will, it just means you can move through it easier and find some peace with it all.
I am so grateful that we know what we know, and don’t have any religious dogmas holding us back from our son! Just because our son is in spirit doesn’t mean he still can’t be a part of our lives. Yes, 7 years later I am still working on getting use to the new relationship, because the physical one was so powerful and the one that the Mama Gene wants so desperately! But it is getting easier. Sometimes I have to think of conversations or experiences we’ve had with Andrew if they were before or after he left here. When that happens, I know that I am making progress on this rough and rocky road called grief!
We had his service videoed and it took me a few years before I could watch it, but I have to say, I was impressed with ourselves! It was an amazing service! We done our son proud! But then again, look who was guiding us!
Here is our final farewell to our beautiful boy. He still reminded us that day, that…..
IT’S ALL GOOD!
Part I http://youtu.be/_L48GuZKJBY
Part II http://youtu.be/2ngYc_Gxy8c
Part IV http://youtu.be/ygrirAjwkmU