Yellow

As I mentioned in the previous post below, Jill and I met 2 years ago at one of our events and got a reading, 2 months after her daughter Pam passed from a car accident in her early 20’s and Pam came right through. Jill brought us to Miami Springs in July of this year for a mediumship event. As it was approaching Pammy’s 2nd Angelversary in August, I knew I wanted to send Jill flowers to let her know I was thinking about her and Jerry. The 2nd year is the hardest because more of reality has set in and you don’t have shock to get you through like during the first year. Making it through the 2nd year is a HUGE milestone!

A few weeks before Pam’s Angelversary I tap in and ask Pam what kind of flowers should I send her parents? All I hear is “yellow.” I was trying to remember if Jill said there was a particular yellow flower she or Pam liked. But again all I got was “yellow!”

As it is approaching the time that I need to buy the flowers, I check in again and all I got AGAIN was “YELLOW!” even louder now! Like Pam was yelling at me! LOL I’m thinking Pam must think I’m thick or something because I don’t know what kind of yellow flowers to order still.

I decide to just go to a Miami Springs floral site to see if anything jumps out at me. Well, I did come across a yellow and white arrangement of flowers in a bright yellow smiley round mug. I thought, “This must be it! It’s yellow, plus the big ole smiley face will lift Jill and Jerry’s spirits. Pam had such a great smile and she wants her parents to be  happy.” I could feel that this was a good choice and it was Pam approved. So I was all bizzed with myself thinking I “nailed it!” And order the flowers to be delivered on Pam’s angelversary.

Jill and Jerry loved the arrangement. When I talked to Jill I explained how all I heard when I was asking what kind of flowers to get was, “YELLOW!” Jill reminded me that “Yellow” by Coldplay was the song they played at her service when they let floating lanterns or balloons go! AND Martin sang it while we stayed at their house not knowing it was a song for Pam.

So yes, I did hear right when I heard “YELLOW!” It just goes to show, you don’t have to understand what you are getting, just TRUST what you are getting and Spirit will handle the rest! Here are the flowers I sent below.

It’s All Good!

YELLOW

Jill, Pam wants you to know that the stars shine for YOU! AND she loves you so! That Yellow is a love song for you from her! Not the other way around as you might have thought, she is informing me! You may have played that song for her, but she guided you to it from her to you! That is why she kept saying YELLOW to me, to let you know the song Yellow is for YOU! She sings it to you every time you hear it! YOU are her shining star!

 

“Yellow”

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called “Yellow”.So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all yellow.Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into
Something beautiful,
You know,
You know I love you so,
You know I love you so.I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
‘Cause you were all yellow,I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all yellow.Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into
Something beautiful,
And you know,
For you I’d bleed myself dry,
For you I’d bleed myself dry.It’s true,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.

All Of Me

As I have mentioned before, Andrew loves to communicate to me through songs. I will hear certain lines in songs louder than others and know it is Andrew talking to me. The latest song is “All of Me” by John Legend, the dance mix. While the entire song may not be appropriate to what Andrew is saying to me, certain lines are, and that is what I hear louder than the other words when I’m listening to a song on the radio. It’s interesting how that happens because it feels like a conversation with him. It IS a conversation with him, just in the new way. A convo I usually end up crying in mind you, but a conversation with my boy none the less. Here are the words that he wanted me to hear below.
This time of year is harder on me as we were in the hospital with him. It was our last 4 months with him. After he passed, people, including family were so hard on me and he wants to let me know that I am perfect with all my perfect imperfections. That ALL of him (which is so much bigger w/the Spirit that he is now,) loves All of me! And I know he wants me to give all of me to him, so he can help me to heal this grief, that he is still here loving me, helping me, but DAMMIT! Missing the physical part of him is still so devastating! He wants me to trust him, and just let go of that part of me that is holding on to that (physical) part of him.
ALL OF ME
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, ohoh[Verse 2:]
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I’m around through every mood
[Chorus:]
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, ohoh[Bridge:]
Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we’re both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it’s hard[Chorus:]
‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of youI give you all of me
And you give me all of you, ohoh


As I was questioning myself on my way to work if Andrew was truly speaking to me with this song, I get the urge to change the station to an oldies one & the song playing was John Lennon’s “Woman.” That is when I got that familiar feeling surround me even stronger that is Andrew’s energy letting me know that I am in deed on the right track with what I am feeling.This one brought tears to my eyes because when Andrew would tuck us in at night, yes, he started tucking us in bed as he got older, he would say to me, “Give it to me Woman!” and I would kiss him all over his face.

 

We would listen to this song on his myspace page when he became a fan of John Lennon while in hospital. I know he wanted me to hear the words to this song because he wants to thank me for everything I did for him while he was here. Here are the words to this song….

WOMAN

Woman I can hardly express,

My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness, (yeah! For leaving me!)

After all I’m forever in your debt, (Ya think???)

And woman I will try express,

My inner feelings and thankfullness,

For showing me the meaning of success,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man,
Please remember my life is in your hands,
And woman hold me close to your heart, (ALWAYS!!)
However, distant don’t keep us apart,
After all it is written in the stars,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,Woman please let me explain,
I never mean(t) to cause you sorrow or pain, (BUT ya did!!!)
So let me tell you again and again and again,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah)….


But he wasn’t done yet and neither was his cohort, his partner in crime he apparently has now! I was looking to hook him up with a girl here on this dimension that I know would be be fab for him. She is an artist and is all about quantum physics like Andrew is and is just the sweetest, cutest thing! I just love her!  Even her mother thought Andrew would be great for her daughter because he came with NO baggage. Ok, and yeah, no body either, but that was a selling point to this mother! LOL But it would appear he found a girlfriend on the other side already!

 

Someone I met through one of our events in Miami, Jill, and I became friends. She is a grieving mother as well. We met Jill only 2 months after she lost her daughter Pam to a car accident. Her daughter came right through in a reading she had with Martin and Jill knew we were the real deal, which is why she brought us to Miami Springs this past summer for a mediumship event.
I think since Jill and I had been working together, our kids decided to work together too! Because as I was questioning even if the “Woman” song was from Andrew as well, (damn ego!) the next song let me know that it in deed was. It’s as if Pam said to Andrew, let me get this one! LOL And the next song was, “Brown Eyed Girl,” a song Jill has for Pam.
It was quite interesting having both their energies surrounding me. I could feel their laughter while they patted my lil wooden head, and laughing at the fact that they “tagged teamed” me. They were quite proud of themselves I have to say! All of this happened to me on my way to work, right around the time of Pam’s angelversary in August. As you can see, my drives to work can be quite interesting!
I hope you enjoy all these songs I have put here that were sent to me! They were sent to remind me that “I am still here loving you, thanking you, supporting you AND…..”
IT’S ALL GOOD!
BROWN EYED GIRL


 

The Magickal Mandalas Journey

Creating these mandalas came from a need to deal with depression and grief in a positive way. Anti-depressants just aren’t an option for me. It was seven years ago at this time when we were at All Children’s Hospital in St Pete Florida with Andrew, so this time of year is a little harder for me.

Grief is a journey, especially when it is the grief over losing a child after watching them fight so hard for their life, only to lose the fight to that savage beast cancer, while you hopelessly stand by trusting that the dr’s know what they are doing. And then to be there the moment when your child has to leave while the medical team feverishly is working on your child. Not something you just get over, EVER! No matter how much people want you to.

They tell you that time heals all wounds, well that is a lie! While the intensity may wane a bit, grief is ALWAYS nipping at your heels when you lose a child. Seven years feels more like maybe 7 months at the most. There are days it feels like 7 days or even 7 hours.

It doesn’t matter how much you know, how enlightened you are, you will always have parent moments when you miss your child’s physical presence. Even though we have a new relationship with our son, it takes a lot of time to get use to that new relationship, especially when the “old” physical one was so kick ass! BUT I am so grateful that we have a new relationship with our Muck! I wouldn’t survive this other wise.

I decided recently that I wanted to start creating something to help me cope with the grief that never goes away, and art is so healing. When I decided I was going to draw and paint mandalas, I heard Andrew say, “ask Daddy if he wants to draw them and you can paint them.” So I did, and Martin jumped at the chance since he loves geometry. Martin began channeling the mandalas, one right after another, getting down with his ole bad overachieving self!

It has been interesting painting these mandalas. They are teaching me as I paint them. They are teaching me present moment awareness. They won’t tell me ahead of time what colors I am going to use. You read that right, the mandalas tell me what colors they want to be. It forces me to be in the moment and to not worry about what is ahead, just…be…present! What a great lesson.

They are also teaching me…a word I spit out….p a t i e n c e! A dirty word for me! UGH! I want things last lifetime dammit! I wish I’d get that lesson already of p..p..p. patience!

The mandalas are also teaching me to t..t..t..t trrrust. Crrrrap another issue I deal with! I have to trust that I will be shown/told/just know, what color to use.

I paint these mandalas in Andrew’s room while listening to his fav new age music by Enya, Gary Stadler, Angel Earth AND the Mystical Vibrations CD Andrew and Martin did since he crossed over.

So there you have it, the story behind the Magickal Mandalas. I hope you enjoy them as much as we do creating them! Because people were asking how much they were to buy, a friend told us to set up an acct on Deviant Art where people can buy prints and other things with our mandalas, like even coasters. Check out our deviantART.com page below and browse our gallery. We will be adding lots more mandalas as I finish painting them. There will be at least 22 up there.

It’s All Good!

www.pureheart22.deviantart.com

Click on the link above to see them better!

MANDALAS

So The Cancer Journey Continues… with Update

Believe it or not, since starting the holistic protocol from Martin’s diagnosis date, Aug 12th, Martin is feeling a difference in his throat. We started immediately on supplements the day of his diagnosis. Then when we got back from Miami/FT Lauderdale, Martin started the more aggressive (for lack of a better term) holistic therapy on Aug 22. Imagine that, the 22nd he started, go figure ;-) He has been sleeping more, which is good, it gives the body more time to heal.

He can open his mouth wider, and swallow food and drinks easier. I think the tumor feels a tad bit smaller too. He still feels great, just tired a bit more, but that will fade with time as he proceeds on this protocol. It’s still a million times better than the side effects of chemo and radiation.

He has an acupuncture appt tomorrow, so we’ll see if the doc notices any differences too.

Martin has 2 very good & trusted Shaman friends that are working closely with him on his holistic treatment. That doesn’t mean we won’t be getting a holistic dr as well.That is also in the works. Again, we are so happy that we have the time to do things our way! To do research and make choices that feel right for us. As long as there is no getting worse, we will continue on this holistic pathway.

So for now, everything is going along grand and Martin still feels great. We are still raising money for treatment, because even holistic treatments are not cheap and Martin needs to work less so he can heal. If you feel guided, any donation is a HUGE help in Martin’s cancer treatment. Thank you to all who have helped us on yet another cancer journey! It has meant the world to us! Andrew appreciates you supporting his parents yet again! Much love and blessings to you all!

GOFUNDME.COM

It’s All Good!

UPDATE:

So Marts had his acupuncture appt today(8/28) and was nervous about telling her that he wasn’t  taking her advice to do chemo & radiation now. She was supportive of his decision, and in his treatment she stuck some needles right in the tumor which she hasn’t done before.

Martin described to her how it has been feeling lately and she said his description was indicative of a tumor shrinking. So it appears it is not his imagination, that the tumor appears to be shrinking! It’s still early in the game, but so far so good! Things are going according to plan! YAY! He has another appt next week. I think because of our decision to go holistic, she wants to see him every week now.

It’s All Good!

Shift Happens

We are working our Shift Happens page on Facebook. So if you’re looking for inspirational quotes, pictures, articles and things that will shift your consciousness, LIKE OUR PAGE! If you do, you will get a FREE gift! An e-book called “Millionaire Mind.” I’ve downloaded the e-book and looking forward to reading it.

We’ll be sharing PureHeart quotes and channels as well as others’ work who we think are worth sharing. We will be sharing FREE “shift” we come across it, like the “Millionaire Mind.” Ok, we paid for it, but you get it for FREE! We would also like to hear what you would like to see and read as well.

Once we have this cancer thingy beat with Martin, we are looking to start up our radio show again, or perhaps a live web tv broadcast. We are currently looking into all our options.

So go LIKE our page NOW if you haven’t already, get your FREE e-book, even if you have already liked it, AND SHARE the page with your friends & neighbas! Don’t be shy! Let’s get this shift happening!

Shift Happens on Facebook

Faerie Nice to Meet You

When we go to S Miami and stay with our friends, we like to play with the Fae. Like I said in the previous post, they have a fabulous yard that is extremely faerie friendly. A few years ago Martin was asked to come by and “activate” their yard. Meaning Martin connected with the Elementals in their yard and did a formal introduction for our friends so they could be more connected to the Fae. Our friend really works in her yard with fruit trees, herbs, and bee friendly flowers, it is faerie heaven in my opinion. It feels like heaven as a human too actually! Martin got names of the “head” Elemental in each part of her yard.

Every time we go there, Martin has very cool experiences with the Fae in their yard, you know, mono y mono. I’ll have to write about his experiences some time. I wrote about one of his experiences in my last post.

When we were there last month in July, we decided to see if we could get pictures of actual faerie orbs. When we first went out, we didn’t get anything, nada, zippo! Not even a bug showed up in any pictures. I told Martin he should get his guitar and start singing. After all they LOVE his song, “Only Love Is Real!”

Another time when we were visiting our friends last year, and Martin was out in their yard communing with the Fae, the Fae asked him to sing “Only Love Is Real!” after they gave Martin his guitar pic back. You see, he had “lost” (or was it was stolen? ;-) ) the pic in the yard the last time we were there a few months prior while out communing with them. He sang Only love Is Real acapella for them when they asked him to. So I figured it might work this time. AND it did! Even Andrew showed up in an orb! Those are the first pictures below I believe.

This last time we visited our friends, we watched a documentary on orbs, which discussed how to get orbs to show up in pictures on purpose. They seem to appear when there is a lot of joy and happiness in the air OR when you consciously and politely ask them to. Also when using a flash on a camera, they can harness the energy to manifest in a picture.

There is a whole technical explanation how this works with digital cameras, but I am not going into that here. I just don’t care, I just know they show up. I don’t need to know the mechanics of how it’s done.

Martin and I were watching a movie with her daughter when our friend came down stairs and said the faeries woke her up and wanted her to take pictures. I was happy to hear this because I was disappointed we hadn’t gone out and played with the Fae this trip, especially after the documentary on orbs. So at 1:30am the 3 of us go into the yard and start connecting with our Fae friends.

Our friend starts taking pictures while Martin is throwing coins into the bushes asking them to come out and play, they love their shiny objects!

At first there was absolutely nothing in the pictures, but it didn’t take long before it looked like we were having a full on party with the faeries! I mean it looks like there are twinkle lights in the trees, but NOPE! That is all faerie energy in them thar trees! Martin and I were surrounded by orbs in the pictures! I even saw a cluster of energy in one of the flashes as our friend took a picture! O M G! It was so cool!

I think because of the activation Martin did a few years ago, also our friend being so respectful of the Elementals in her yard, us going out each time and connecting with them when we do visit, and all of us setting our intent, the faeries were more than happy to come out and play. Plus the offering of shiny objects didn’t hurt either! ;-)

When we were there last month, I saw something I hadn’t seen before, a few orbs half in this dimension and half in an another! Martin said that orbs are portals and are used to peer in on us! So I guess that makes Faeries and Beings from other dimensions, Peeping Toms! lol That info kinda blew my mind, yet made total sense at the same time. Ahhhh the incredible wonders of the Universe that we can see when we decide to open our minds and our hearts, and leave the old worn out dogmas behind us! It is truly spectacular!

So if you want to capture faerie orbs in your yard, talk to the faeries, don’t worry about what the neighbors think! Thank the fae for being there, make an offering of coins, or anything shiny, we use crystals and marbles as well. They also like sweets, and alcohol. =D Yep, you read that right! They like beer or sweet liqueur.

In the documentary they said it may take you taking a few hundred pics to catch orbs, but it didn’t us that much at all! A digital camera works best. I haven’t gotten anything on my cell phone camera, but my old digital I have. I caught some orbs recently in Andrew’s room when I was taking a picture of Kaliana. I actually saw them with my physical eyes fly across the room in a split second, and I was so excited that I caught it on the camera as well!

While we did make a faerie garden, I haven’t gotten any orbs yet. I haven’t really tried hard either, but I will be connecting with them more now, making more offerings with them again, and asking them to please show up for me. You know I will post them here.

I loved how we didn’t have anything at all at first, then we were flooded with them. I think they do that on purpose so it can’t be explained away. That’s what I got from them anyway.

Enjoy the photees!

Martin starting to play and sing

Martin starting to play and sing to entice the faeries, it worked as you will see. July 20, 2014

July 20-2014 Smiley Faces while Martin playing 2084 cropped

Orbs starting to appear

July 20-2014 Bright Blue orb & 1 other close up 2086

Orbs between dimensions! July 20, 2014

Aug 20-2014 Connie & Martin 2146

Aug 20, 2014 Orbs starting to appear

Aug 20-2014 Connie & Martin NO orbs 2147

Before the partay began! Aug 20, 2014

Aug 20-2014 Connie & Martin LOTS of orbs 2151

It’s a partay now! Aug 20, 2014

Aug 20-2014 bigger  bright whte orb by peacepole 2153

Aug 20, 2014

July 20-2014 orb by owl statue 2087

Another one peeking through half in & half out. July 20, 2014

July 21-2014 Martin Fox orb close up 2 2080

Can you see the wee fox face in this one? July 20, 2014

Aug 20-2014 half orb closeup red yellow white blue 2154

Between dimensions

Aug 20-2014 orb collection 2154

different shapes, sizes and colors Aug 20 2014

July 20-2014 2 Bright orbs & others 2079 close up July 20-2014 2 Bright orbs July 20-2014 Martin & Piper Pure Heart orb closeup  2085 cropped July 20-2014 orb face on Stemmadenia tree & 1 other 2083 cropped Aug 20-2014 LOTS of orbs closeup 2152 Aug 20-2014 LOTS of orbs closeup of red white green blue 2152 Aug 20-2014 orb collection other tiny face 2154 Aug 20-2014 orb face or rings closeup 2155The Movie Orbs

Everythings Gonna Be Alright

If you haven’t read the post, “Here We Go Again,” you may want to read that post first, which is below this one.

So, since Martin’s tonsular cancer diagnosis, Andrew has been sending signs all over the place. In Andrew’s defense, he did send signs before the diagnosis as well. That shiny red, expensive Mercedes was a pretty cool one. But he has sent more.

The next day after the diagnosis, while we were out running errands with our K-Storm (our 3 1/2 yo granddaughter,) Andrew sent signs the whole time out, which I deeply appreciate. I do need constant reminders that “IT’S OK.” Cancer is a scary thing to deal with no matter how non aggressive it may be. In the back of your mind is always the, “what ifs.”

The first sign when we came out of one store was the vehicle next to us had a white stage sticker on the back window, I took a pic of it. Ok, maybe not exactly a white stag, but as Andrew says, “work with me here!” But that’s not all. We get in the car and the line in a song on the radio as I turn it on is, “everything’s gonna be alright.” It was “Rock a Bye” by Shawn Mullens. While the song has nothing to do with what we are going through, like being a poor little rich girl in Hollywood, that line in the song certainly does. Let’s face it, tough times are tough times no matter what, and we need to be reassured once in awhile, even a poor little Hollywood rich girl with no self esteem, as well as a grieving twenior mother dealing with yet another cancer diagnosis in her immediate family.

Anyway, Andrew knows I liked that song and I would sing to it on my long drive home to Ft Lauderdale when I use to work in my sister’s salon in Venice Fl on the weekends. When we got in the car it was towards the end of the song where Shawn sings that line over and over again.

The next place we go, the vehicle next to us has 444 in their license plate which means, the Angels are surrounding you now. I didn’t get a picture of that one. Another song came on in the car with the same message, but for the life of me I can’t remember what song it was. Sorry.

It felt like Andrew was out with us running errands the whole time, chatting to us, reassuring us that we have nothing to worry about.

Now a few days later I am at work and Martin is home off of work. He is lying on the couch relaxing when he audible hears in his left ear a voice, a voice that is familiar but older sounding, he immediately knows it’s Andrew’s voice he’s hearing. Andrew says, “hey how’s it going?” in his usual way that he would always do while here. Martin doesn’t move so he won’t break the energy, and answers, “going good, what’s up with you?” Andrew answers, “Just want you to know we’re on it Daddy, and everything is going to be alright.” Martin replies, “I know, and thank you!” And that was it!

Normally when Martin “hears” Andrew it isn’t audibly but in his head instead. I guess Andrew  literally wanted Martin to hear him that he and his posse were on it and there’s nothing to worry about.

Recently we were in Miami working and are staying at a friend’s house. Martin was out in our friend’s gorgeous, very faerie active yard that Martin helped activate, meaning he built a bridge between the Fae and our friends, an introduction to one another if you will. So he has a close connection with the Fae in their yard. Stay tuned for my next post with actual pictures of the faeries in this yard! I will teach you how you too can get pictures of the Fae in your own yard!

While he was out in the yard connecting to the Fae’s energy, he heard one of them in his ear. At first he thought it was a fly or a small bug buzzing in his ear. But then the buzzing stopped and he heard a high pitch little voice say, “we’re on it!” Right after that they gave him a gift for his hat, a beautiful blue feather that looks like it belonged to a bluejay. Those birds totally kick ass! Hmmmm a message perhaps? ;-)

Andrew gave Martin a feather the other day after we were on the Halley Elise Show. We were in the lobby after the show talking with Halley Elise making plans for October events when he hears, “look down out the window Daddy.” Martin looks and there was a single feather. Martin then hears, “it’s for your hat.” Martin immediately got up, went outside to pick it up.

I’m not gonna lie, the first 4 days after the diagnosis were rough. Diagnosis on Tues, my birthday was on Friday. I worked on my birthday, got my ass kicked, didn’t make the money I should have for having my ass kicked, a guy was belligerent to me on top of that. So all these signs have definitely helped! But since leaving for Ft Lauderdale/Miami Saturday night to do our real work with Andrew, it has transmuted all the ick of last week. I’ve decided to celebrate my birthday the rest of this month and make it fabulous!

After all, Andrew is right there when I falter to remind me that…

IT’S ALL GOOD! AND..

Everything is gonna be alright! Enjoy!

whitestagsticker

My car on the left, the white “stag” sticker in the right hand corner of the back wind screen of the car next to us

Here We Go Again!

Well, we found out what Martin’s health issue is. AND we found out on his mother’s birthday. What is it with us and diagnosis-es on birthdays?!  It’s not his tooth like we thought, it’s not an infection like we hoped, it’s not the lymph nodes. What is it then? Drum roll please…..it’s cancer! You’ve got to be kidding me with this! Another major health crisis with him in less than 2 years? SERIOUSLY?!!! Who feels like one big cosmic punching bag right now? That’s right! This girl does!

BUT believe it or not there is good news. He was diagnosed with stage 4 tonsular carcinoma. No, that is not the good news, the good news is that this type of cancer is extremely treatable and does NOT spread, it stays contained. But the mere thought of going through another cancer treatment with a family member overwhelms me. I mean this on top of the grief too? Shoot me now!

Even though this treatment is no where near as aggressive as what Andrew went through, it’s an out patient treatment if we choose the western med route, there shouldn’t be any hair loss, but it still scares the shit out of me anyway! Grief kicks my ass as it is, cancer just won’t leave us the fuck alone!

Once you go through an aggressive cancer treatment with one family member, especially your child, it’s hard not to have a knee jerk reaction when you may have to go through more chemo/radiation treatment with another immediate family member. I mean I’m 3 for 3 just with my own damn family!

For those that may be new to this blog and me, here’s the cliff notes. The doctors wanted to do chemo, radiation and more surgery to remove more female organs on my daughter Elatia, with her rare ovarian tumor in December 2006. Even though she nearly died after the emergency surgery to remove the tumor AND ovary, we all agreed absolutely not! No chemo, radiation or more surgery to remove more female organs! Her ct-scan was clear, why would you be so aggressive on someone, treat a tumor like cancer because it has malignant potential, when you already removed the offending object, AND she nearly died from it? “Just in case?” REALLY? Her heart couldn’t take the surgery, so by all means slice, dice and poison my daughter! Well then, why don’t we just use canon balls on mosquitoes too! Too much? YA THINK?

Then she gets a letter from the oncologist saying that it’s a shame that a 25yo has to die! Seriously she got that letter! This is what I was dealing with the 7 months prior to Andrew’s lovely leukemia diagnosis. I had a friend recently tell me he’s surprised I’m not doing heroine yet. Ya know, it kinda surprises me too sometimes, but then again my veins are too small anyways, and it’d be way too much work to find them! I guess it just proves that what Martin, Andrew and I teach works. We walk our talk and practice what we teach and we are able to keep moving forward with some sanity intact. Maybe not all of it, but enough of it to help others and keep going. ;-)

Sooooo you’re probably wondering where Andrew is in all of this, right? He’s right here with us. Did I feel that at first? NO! the Mama Gene came forth in a Wrath of Con sort of way! SO yes I did feel angry at him because I felt like he didn’t have our backs. I mean we have been working so hard to continue his teachings, we’re a team, and the work we do together is so important and powerful, we effect peoples’ lives in a huge positive way, so WTH dude?

I asked, “Don’t you have any pull as an Avatar? Don’t we get some sort of consideration of doing our job well with raising an Avatar, and NOT crumbling when he leaves, even after all the shit that has been thrown our way? OR is it just one heartache after another for us here? Is that the reward for all our hard work!?”

A friend, who our work has changed her life, so she knows what we do makes a difference, texted me kind of the same feelings, a “WTF” if you will, so we went at Andrew together! :-) Have to admit, it felt good to tag team him! lol

Once I got that out of my system, because I honor my Mama Gene/human side, and so does Andrew, blessing my wooden head with every rant, I knew we had to get to work on our options. And of course, look at what the bigger picture is in all of this, what can we learn from it, and what can we teach from it.

Unlike with Andrew’s leukemia diagnosis, we have the time to make decisions. Martin feels great, so we can move forward with what we want to do, not just do what Western doctors want us to do. I have to say, I was a little disappointed that our acupuncturist who saved Elatia’s life, wants Martin to do the chemo/radiation. Martin reminded me that she is a surgeon first, she was an ENT dr in China. AND a part of me hates to admit this, but Marts ENT dr has a 100% success rate in curing this cancer with chemo and radiation, and there is a small part of me that thinks that may be the way to go.

So once we made peace with the diagnosis and my head quit spinning from yet another cancer diagnosis in my immediate family, we are looking at all our options holistically and traditionally. We have no insurance so it’s not like we can just start with western medicine treatment anyway. So we are raising the money for treatment through www.gofundme.com.

The first thing we would have to do with western medicine is a “pet-scan,” which is $1800. That will show the doctors all the ins and outs of the mass. If we decide to go with traditional treatment down the road, Martin will more than likely go to N Ireland for it. It would cost less, only flights and our bills at home for a few months. Holistic treatment is not cheap either unfortunately.

If we have to go through yet another cancer issue, I am glad that we have the time to research and make decisions that are best for us and we can deal with this on our terms. With Andrew it was totally out of our hands. There was no time to decide anything.

So we are starting off holistically with things we can do now to see what difference it makes while we raise the money for treatment, however that looks. We will have to find a doctor whether it be a western or holistic one. I am excited we have the time this time to research, start holistically right away, and that Martin feels great! So we still have our lives, and it isn’t revolving around hospitals and chaos and having to make life and death decisions everyday like before with Andrew. That, I just don’t think I could handle again.

And of course Andrew has been letting us know what? (which will be the next blog post of how he has let us know…) That not matter what…..

IT’S ALL GOOD!

MIami Springs Mediumship Event July 19th

Buy Tickets Here

Click on the link ABOVE to buy tickets

Join us for an evening of mediumship as professional Irish medium Martin Jordan, who has been called the Irish John Edward AND has read for Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo’s teacher, connects audience members with their loved ones on the other side. It’s a wonderful evening of love, laughter & music. An event not to be missed!

7-9pm

Tickets $25

Comfort Inn & Suites
5301 NW 36 st
Miami Springs, FL 33136
Need Directions call: 305-871-6000

7 Years Ago

Seven years ago today, July 11th, was the 2nd most devastating day of my life! To say my world got turned upside down is putting it mildly, but that was only the beginning of it! While we were preparing to celebrate Elatia’s 26th birthday on Lido Beach we had to make what we thought was a quick run to the walk in clinic for Andrew. He had swollen glands and a temperature that we thought might be strep throat…..

The Dr said we had to go to the ER because his machine was too small to measure Andrew’s white cell count, it was way too high and needed a bigger machine to measure it. Again, thinking we’ll just be a little later with the birthday cake for Elatia, we went to the ER unsuspecting of the news that laid ahead of us.

Imagine our surprise when they tell us that our son did not have strep throat but instead had leukemia! W T F??? Strep throat was looking really good now! I nearly collapsed as I felt my knees get weak! This just couldn’t be true! Not our amazing, healthy, strong son! They had to of made a mistake! They also informed us that Andrew was going to be taken to All Children’s Hospital in St Pete by ambulance where he went straight into the PICU, was immediately put on chemo and dialysis to prevent his kidneys from failing from the 450,000 white cells (normal is 1,000-1,500) that were being killed by the chemo. No birthday celebration on the beach for us on Elatia’s birthday that year. My head was spinning trying to make sense of what just happened to our son, to our lives.

So the nearly 4 month leukemia journey began with our 16yo son. A journey that was so stressful, yet powerful, profound, intimate and in the end, yes devastating too. A devastation I deal with to this day. A devastation I will deal with the rest of my life.

But if my son had to go, I am soooo grateful that he was willing to go through what he did, to give us those 4 months together. Even through all the stress and pain of it all, Martin, Andrew and I had an amazingly beautiful last 4 months together spending it in love. We laughed, we cried, we sang, we talked, we had slumber parties, we had fun through it all!

I have worked hard to change the devastation days into celebration days, especially all “the firsts” after Andrew passed. But how could I do that for his diagnosis day? I couldn’t bring myself to celebrate my son’s diagnosis day.

But being diagnosed on Elatia’s birthday allows me to acknowledge what happened, BUT celebrate my daughter and focus on that instead. Yes it is a bittersweet day, but getting to celebrate one of the most amazing days of my life while acknowledging the 2nd worse day of my life helps to take the sting out a bit. It gives me a choice on what I CHOOSE to focus on, joy or pain? What a beautiful gift he gave me being diagnosed on Elatia’s birthday! Andrew was/is all about choice. That boy of mine just knows what he’s doing!

Thank you Andrew for a fantastic 16 years together and the last nearly 7 years of, while painful, enlightening lessons as we started our new relationship and journey together.

Thank you for ALWAYS reminding us that through it all, even on the toughest of days that…..

IT’S ALL GOOD!

That winning smile!!

That winning smile!!