Creating these mandalas came from a need to deal with depression and grief in a positive way. Anti-depressants just aren’t an option for me. It was seven years ago at this time when we were at All Children’s Hospital in St Pete Florida with Andrew, so this time of year is a little harder for me.
Grief is a journey, especially when it is the grief over losing a child after watching them fight so hard for their life, only to lose the fight to that savage beast cancer, while you hopelessly stand by trusting that the dr’s know what they are doing. And then to be there the moment when your child has to leave while the medical team feverishly is working on your child. Not something you just get over, EVER! No matter how much people want you to.
They tell you that time heals all wounds, well that is a lie! While the intensity may wane a bit, grief is ALWAYS nipping at your heels when you lose a child. Seven years feels more like maybe 7 months at the most. There are days it feels like 7 days or even 7 hours.
It doesn’t matter how much you know, how enlightened you are, you will always have parent moments when you miss your child’s physical presence. Even though we have a new relationship with our son, it takes a lot of time to get use to that new relationship. BUT I am so grateful that we have a new relationship with our Muck! I wouldn’t survive this other wise.
I decided recently that I wanted to start creating something to help me cope with the grief that never goes away, and art is so healing. When I decided I was going to draw and paint mandalas, I heard Andrew say, “ask Daddy if he wants to draw them and you can paint them.” So I did, and Martin jumped at the chance since he loves geometry. Martin began channeling the mandalas, one right after another, getting down with his ole bad overachieving self!
It has been interesting painting these mandalas. They are teaching me as I paint them. They are teaching me present moment awareness. They won’t tell me ahead of time what colors I am going to use. You read that right, the mandalas tell me what colors they want to be. It forces me to be in the moment and to not worry about what is ahead, just…be…present! What a great lesson.
They are also teaching me…a word I spit out….p a t i e n c e! A dirty word for me! UGH! I want things last lifetime dammit! I wish I’d get that lesson already of p..p..p. patience!
The mandalas are also teaching me to t..t..t..t trrrust. Crrrrap another issue I deal with! I have to trust that I will be shown/told/just know, what color to use.
I paint these mandalas in Andrew’s room while listening to his fav new age music by Enya, Gary Stadler, Angel Earth AND the Mystical Vibrations CD Andrew and Martin did since he crossed over.
So there you have it, the story behind the Magickal Mandalas. I hope you enjoy them as much as we do creating them! Because people were asking how much they were to buy, a friend told us to set up an acct on Deviant Art where people can buy prints and other things with our mandalas, like even coasters. Check out our deviantART.com page below and browse our gallery. We will be adding lots more mandalas as I finish painting them. There will be at least 22 up there.
It’s All Good!
Click on the link above to see them better!